Stress Management Magic

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it is time you take charge of your life, and begin to REALLY learn to manage your stress.

Sudden weight loss or weight gain

Tired but can’t sleep, excessive fatigue

Speech difficulties, impatience

Headaches, repeated colds or flu

Nail biting, teeth grinding

Low or high blood sugar

Low or high blood pressure

High cholesterol or triglycerides

Ulcers and gastric disturbances

Chest pains, muscle aches

Lower back, shoulder, neck pain

Menstrual problems, hair loss

Forgetfulness, withdrawal from social life

The consequences of allowing stress to rule your life can be mentally and physically debilitating!

If you have more than two or three of these signs, and honestly feel you simply will not attempt to learn to manage by yourself, consider that it might be time for you to speak to a professional in person.  A counselor, your physician, or a specialist in this fieldt that you can speak with, eye to eye.  You do not want to ignore your symptoms any longer.

If you are willing to give it a go, then begin right now.  First, take a minute or two, and inhale through your nose slowly.  Next exhale through your mouth.  Do this several times and you will be fortifying your brain for new thoughts and optimum intellect.

Here are some tips that will get you started.

1.  Remember a sedentary lifestyle often accompanies and accelerates out of control stress.  Exercise.  Simply walking an extra ten minutes a day will suffice to get started.  Walk in place in front of the television, or standing in front of the computer.  Find a parking space further from the stores you frequent.  Walk the dog and you’ll both be happier.

2.  Quit anticipating the worst.  We have no guarantee of the very next moment and we stall our own progress with fears of impending doom.  Drop negative thinking and a negative vocabulary.  Listen to your own words and make them positive.

3.  Accept the fact, if you are in a stage of your life that feels more stressful than normal, and then start doing something about making changes.  Often the thought of change doesn’t feel as cozy and as safe as the current position you are in, but change is what you need if your stress level is out of control.

4.  Realize there are risks (physically and mentally) if you stay continually stressed out about everything.  Serious risks. Keep in mind, if you feel you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way is up.

5.  Remember to use your oxygen as a secret weapon.  Whenever you feel overwhelmed, let a bell ring in your head and think of it this way: “I will breathe in help to regenerate, relax, and respond better.  I will exhale all those thoughts that are negative and seemingly impossible at the moment.  I can begin life again this very moment.”  Your mind and body will respond and you WILL BE EMPOWERED.  Keep remembering the mind works this way and so does the physiology of the body.

6.  Lighten up on the junk food.  What you put into your body does matter.  The mind and body require nutrition to function properly.  Make sure you drink enough water to keep the system working effectively for you.

The choice is yours and yours alone. You CAN use your intellect to overcome any habitual feelings that fill you with sorrow, or anger, or empty you of any feelings at all.  It takes practice, but the effort will reap the rewards of peace and happiness. .

Again.  The choice is yours, and yours alone.  You can remain miserable and stressed out to the max.  You can infect all those around you or you can WORK at practicing new thoughts and new ways.

Take another breath and get started right now.  There is no time like the present.  Actually there is no time but the present!  Use it wisely.

STOP!  READ THIS BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE

It doesn’t matter if you are buying into the “black Friday” shopping hysteria, preparing for a trip, having company, or just fighting additional traffic in the stores and on the road.  If you are reading this, you must take just three minutes to do this mini-stress management post while reading it. It may save your sanity and save the holiday.

Take a breath right now.  Exhale.  Remember, when under pressure we stop breathing (at least adequately for good thinking).  Our shallow breathing doesn’t provide what we need to kick in optimum thinking for our brain. It furthers tension as muscles and ligaments tighten.

Take another breath, a bit slower, and deeper this time. As you are inhaling, think:  I am pulling in oxygen that will help me relax and regenerate with each breath.

Now exhale slowly through the mouth repeating in your mind:  I exhale all my worries and know I am doing the best I can.

Crying children, burned pie, dust on the coffee tables, financial woes, and short tempered citizens are all potential holiday “breakers”.  Don’t let things get to you.  In the long-term scheme of things, these little irritants won’t play into your life but for a nanosecond.

Breathe and think positively. Teach your brain to create those “cell impressions” from which you can empower yourself simply through your thoughts. Ultimately, if you are consistent, your body physiology will be changed for the good.

Stretch your arms high into the air and wiggle your fingers.  Roll your wrists one way, and now the opposite direction.  Take another deep breath and exhale and release any unforgiving thoughts or hostility.  Clasp your hands and stretch to the heavens.  Now shake your hands as you bring them down.

Put aside any doubt and release any tendency to “make things work out” or to force an outcome. Open your thoughts and your life to the source of all intelligence and let go of worry.

Worry changes nothing for the better. The only thing worry does is increase in increments, and cause more worry, more problems, and affect us physically in a negative manner.

Sit with lower back pressed to the chair and shoulders down and back.  Deep breathe.  You are empowering yourself.  Exhale.  You are making room for more healing oxygen.

Bend your right ear to your right shoulder.  Hold for a moment and breathe.  Now left ear to you left shoulder.  Breathe again slowly.

Spend time on thoughts that are positive and quality and you will draw those things to you. Be mindful of your oxygen intake, and as you exhale send all those negative thoughts into oblivion.

This day is yours – CREATE a beautiful one for yourself and those around you.

THINK before you speak. Take a breath and it will spark your intellect.

Remember words are sharper than any knife and they pierce the heart.

Take THIS opportunity to tell someone you love or appreciate him or her.

Make these moments of value and the worth of your actions will ultimately come back to benefit you!  It always works… The things you think and the way you breathe!

The things that you think, and the quality of your oxygen will ultimately become your life and health.  YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHERE YOU GO FROM HERE.

What is past is past. The future is but a “hope for the best”.  The moments you have are now.   Make them of value to you and those around you and create beautiful moments in time.

Don’t Hurry to Death!

Over thirty-three million people will be traveling by car this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. Tradition dictates we cook fabulous meals (which usually means you will spend more money at the grocery store), visit relatives, or have visitors for dinner, and take the time off, whether we can afford to do so or not!

Wow! The REAL thanksgiving will probably happen AFTER the holiday and time off work – if it comes at all!  Here are a few tips to actually help you enjoy what is supposed to be a festive time for family and friends. These are some “stress buster” thoughts to put into action.

Advertisers like to promote the standard “turkey dinner with all the trimmings”.  They like to sell us decorative items and special desserts.

Don’t BUY into the necessity of all they are selling.

Don’t feel obligated to invite people if you cannot financially afford to do so.

The day is meant to express gratitude for our bounty.  If you are healthy, or have a family or even just a place to rest your head at night, be grateful.  So many on this planet don’t have even meager food or belongings.  Keep those thoughts fresh in your mind.

If you are driving to visit, prepare in plenty of time to be relaxed during the drive.  All those last minute details, all the planning, all the hopes of a great time will be dashed if you find yourself in a head on crash because your stress level is out of control!  Take a breath.  Think about that.

Sing.  Take a breath.  Play positive music that makes everyone’s heart beat calmly.  Laugh together. Teach the family to breathe, and take a breath together!  This will help everyone.  It will create a calmer presence and less stress for everyone.

We are not guaranteed more than the moment. Be grateful for time together.

If you are going to share time with family or friends, then certainly, if you are running late, make sure you are considerate enough to call if you feel there is any chance you will not be on time.  The love those people feel for you should forgive the tardiness.

Don’t yell at the children because they are not flying on YOUR time schedule.  They are children.  Try to be flexible and remember what is important.  How great is a memory of someone screaming, “Hurry, we’ll be late for our Thanksgiving visit!”

Create a new “tradition”.  Really make the time festive and restful too.  Present whatever food you have with grandeur and say, “We are having food to eat tonight!  How wonderful is that!”

How to Cope

School is on and parents are all handling it differently! Some can hardly wait for school let out for the holidays, to get the children back to the home environment, and be free of replenishing supplies that are necessary; such as the cost of books and school supplies and clothing.

They relish relinquishing the tasks of shuttling children to school activities and sporting events, PTA, helping with homework, and all the parental duties that go along with those who have children in school.

Others are dreading the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  They envision hours in a day with the kids saying: “Mom (or dad), I’m bored.” “I’m hungry.”  “Can you take me to my friend’s house?”  “It’s too cold to play outside”.  “Can I have friends over?

Either way, with children, there will always be stressful scenarios. Scenarios you can succumb to by letting the stress envelop your being, or scenarios you can deal with by managing the stress effectively.

When you begin to feel yourself paralyzed by the “dread” of things to come, do exactly what you are doing right now!  Take a moment or two to do something for you!  Take a breath.  Seriously.  A bit of mindful breathing is a great beginning.

Whether it’s reading a quick article, just sitting still for a few moments, or taking an unplanned trip to the store to pick up a few things you need or want!

You are DIVERTING your own attention from this anxiety surrounding “school and children”.  Instead of focusing on potential problems in the future, concentrate on something else for the moment.

Diversion is good.  The definition, simply put, is “an instant of turning something aside from its course”. We are only capable of thinking about one thing at a time!

This does not suggest that you will never need to think about the challenges you face, but it will give you just a bit of time (while doing one of these activities or something you choose) to take a breath!

When you breathe, your intellect is sharper.  When you are stressed out your breathing slows without even knowing it, which in turn stresses you out even further.

This is the bottom line.  You will never complete the list of things that need to be done. Something else will always manifest as a potential stressor.

The only time we are done for sure is when we are dead! On going demands will bury you alive though, if you don’t realize that the only way to be in charge is by making the best choices in handling your challenges, and then letting go.

Ninety five percent of all that you spend your life worrying about NEVER COMES TO FRUITION! Honestly!  Worrying about not being able to “take care of all that is necessary”, is simply a waste of your time and energy.

Prioritize, delegate, stay in the moment.  You know what needs to be done. It is about time you give yourself credit for handling so much already!

Remember life will always give us stress to manage, whether it is good or bad.  We may not have the choice in what happens to us, or the demands that challenge us, but we ALWAYS have a choice in the response to these things.

It is not necessary to implode, or explode. Loosing your cool will only worsen the scenario. When you find yourself in the position of having just too much to do, perhaps in too little time, and there is NO WAY to change it, stop for a moment and rethink it!

If you are the person in charge of doing the multitude of tasks that face you, then the only thing you can do is ACCEPT doing what you can, realizing that is the best you can do.  RESPOND calmly and do all that you can do.  That is all you can do!

Is the list “TO DIE FOR”?  Don’t let life’s challenge paralyze you.

The truth is, unless you have someone you can “pass the ball to”, you’d better start using positive affirmations to create those brain cells necessary to take care of business.

Don’t let the negatives overpower you.  Take a breath and think:

“I will get things done to the best of my ability.”

“I will take each moment as it comes and remember that I am capable and dedicated to finding resolve to challenges.”

“I will remember that I can only do so much in one day, one hour, one moment.”

“I will remember that my children and all the children whose paths I cross will look to my attitude and demeanor as either horrible or positive, and they will learn from me.”

If you are a person of faith then truly the first thing that should be done is asking for help.  Just as your children look to you for help and ask repeatedly for it, pray often!  Of course with prayer must come letting go and letting God oversee your needs.  That’s faith.

If you do not believe then your only choice is to decide whether you want to let things drive you crazy, or whether you will simply do what you have to do!  Affirm your capabilities and breadth of intellect sprinkled with the right amount of emotion.

Get ready whatever may be headed your direction.  Stay flexible.  Anticipate all the positive things that will enhance your children’s lives, and remember this time is fleeting.

One day soon you will recall the excitement of these days, wishing you could do it all again. Make them calm and joyous. Make your children glad to be alive and excited about it all.

YOU CAN DO IT!  Take a breath and rock and roll.

WALK! Do it! Here’s the deal. You don’t have to be a marathon walker. You don’t have do anything special. Just walk and swing your arms a bit with some “mustered up” enthusiasm

This is why. It is just the physiology (the way in which a living organism, or body parts function) of the body we live in.  This is how it works.

When you walk, you pump up the oxygen in this oxygen machine. This is good. When we are lonely, depressed, or even in pain, somehow we seem to use less oxygen.  We may slump over, or cringe in pain, whatever the reason – it has been proven we breathe less!

As we walk we take in more oxygen and our entire body becomes better immediately. We are receiving oxygen to think optimally, more oxygen to go to injured areas to help the healing, to let the organs, muscles, ligaments, tendons, etc. get the oxygen they so need.

Also, and here is a GIANT plus: when we walk we create endorphins (they are peptides that activate the body’s opiate receptors), and they help with pain! It is a pharmacy from within you creating opium and morphine like pain medication for you.

Have you ever heard of a “runner’s high”? You don’t have to run to have that happen. Action creates those feel good feelings we all so desire. All you have to do is walk. The body creates the positive endorphins that actually make you happier!

Even if you think this can’t be true, it is. Give it a try. Also try to use your intellect by NOT crowding out the true goodness to come with negative thoughts. Use mindful breathing when you are walking and your circulation will improve and your blood pressure will even drop a bit.

“Oh, this won’t work”, and so forth. It will work. Use that intellect and help the process along by thinking “I am doing the right thing for my body and this will work.” You will also create positive brain cells! YES YOU WILL!

You do not have to be lonely, depressed, or often times in pain. This is stress management magic in action.  Divert your attention from these emotions and pay attention to moving your body.  Use the brain and body magic by walking. Be consistent. You consistently shop, work, buy groceries, clean the house, and so forth.   Consistently walk each day – even 10 minutes will help!  Even standing in front of the television walking in place will help.

This is the only body you have to live in, so please care for it.  As you move your emotions will improve to a more positive level. Magic WILL HAPPEN!

Have a wonderful day and now, if you are able, GET UP AND GO TAKE A SHORT WALK. Even if it’s just around the house or the office, whatever you can do will help.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.

We all encounter stressful situations on a daily basis throughout our lives.  Some stresses are positive (such as a wedding or the birth of a baby).  Others are not so positive (illness, divorce, or an injured child).  The list goes on and on in both directions, and the stress increases in increments until you think “I can handle no more!”  You know you have to, but just can’t see a way to do it.

There is a way to “manage” your stress levels, increase your energy, and relax simultaneously.  BREATHE!

When was the last time you actually thought about breathing?  Have you ever? This involuntary function, gives us a free commodity we take for granted. Because breathing is involuntary, and air is universal, we are inclined to take them both for granted

When a stressful incident happens we actually keep ourselves from almost breathing at all.  You know – something happens and your body automatically assumes the fight or flight reaction. You hold your breath, your muscles tighten and you prepare for battle.  It’s instinctive.

The human body is an OXYGEN MACHINE!  When this chain of events happens we actually cut off the oxygen supply we need to provide to our brains to think optimally, to our muscles to keep them relaxed and supple, and to be able to confront the challenge before us in a positive manner.

You will begin to change the way you think and the way you manage stress when you begin to practice breathing techniques.  You will actually begin to change the physiology of your body – lowering your heart rate and even your blood pressure. You will find your life improved in every aspect. Those around you will even reap benefits.

Breath is a gift; a wonderful commodity you cannot buy. Breathing is the single most important gift we have, and yet we think very little about it. If you don’t think it is important try holding your breath for more than a couple of minutes. Without oxygen, we die.  It’s as simple as that!

By “cultivating” your breathing techniques you will find your energy level will increase and your stress levels will decrease.  The body goes through magnificent changes.  The quality of sleep will improve and in times of stress your muscles, tendons and ligaments can be more relaxed with your continuous oxygenation.  You will create pharmaceuticals from within that help pain control, and create endorphins, which will make you feel better (without popping a pill).

You may think it’s too simple.  Why haven’t you been trained to breath in times of stress?  Getting right down to the nitty gritty – you can’t package and sell 12 ounces of oxygen.  You might not need to go to the doctor so often (about eighty-five percent of medical complaints stem from ill managed stress that changes the physiology of the body and lowers the immune system). Quite frankly, we’ve been told, “you can only do so much to help yourself”.

NOT TRUE!  We have incredible minds that can produce literal miracles in healing and honing the body to become stronger and more resilient.

It all begins with YOU!  Do you want to see your intellect and skill functions become creative and dynamic?   Wouldn’t it be awesome to become healthier as you age and not the reverse?  You are in charge of what happens next.  We cannot change every circumstance of our lives, but we can change our thinking.  We can change our response to stresses, and radically improve our own health and energy level.

Miracles of healing and excellence in your life are available for you if you are willing to dedicate just a small portion to practice and retaining these techniques.

It all begins with your willingness to do 4 things:

1. Exercise your mind by practicing new thoughts.

2. Practice breathing exercises.

3. Believe that you will create new brain cell impressions (and you will).

4. Get in the HABIT of doing these things on a daily basis. Practice, practice practice!

There are 1440 minutes in one 24-hour period.  Surely you are worth devoting a minimum of 10 minutes of that time to truly improving the quality of your life!

No matter how much upbeat exercise you do, nor the amount of weights you can lift, until you tame your own mind and master your breathing, you will miss out on obtaining all the healing gifts and stress management aids that comes with these improved breathing skills.

The easiest and most effective way to begin is right this moment.  No matter where you are reading this, take a moment and sit up straight.

Let your shoulders relax downward and with a little effort, pull them back slightly.

You have opened up the lung area and now are prepared to receive a blast of fresh oxygen.  Take a deep inhalation through the nose.  Allow your lower abdominal area to fill up like a balloon.  Hold it for a moment.  Now exhale through the mouth and allow the “balloon” to empty from the bottom upward.

Your inhalations will relax and regenerate you.  Your exhalations are actually a housekeeping technique – sending out the old carbon dioxide and making room for oxygen.  You can also visualize sending any negative incidents or feelings right out with the exhalation.  Purge your body and make room for new life and new thoughts.

Begin to practice this easy type of breathing on a daily basis.  Whenever you have a “lull” at work, are waiting for a light to change, in a line at the grocery store, whenever you have just a moment.

No one will know you are arming yourself for a better life,  a powerful and free gift we all have!  It is a way to help manage your stress level at any time, any place.  Breathing and simple movements will empower you, and you will find you can   choose your response to circumstances.  The key to the whole thing is OXYGEN.

Oxygen is continually recharging our energy, so when we are stressed out and not breathing effectively, we find our energy level diminishes, as does the quality of our lives.

You may not have dominion over many circumstances of your life, but it is possible to have dominion over your own body and your choice of responding to life.

Get in the HABIT of using this wonderful gift more effectively.

Changes will begin to happen with every breath!

arming yourself for a better life

with a powerful and free gift we all have!

Oxygen is continually recharging our energy, so when we are stressed out and not breathing effectively, we find our energy level

A

Some people don’t even realize this is abuse is happening!

We all grew up believing that physical abuse was the thing that hurt the most but if you have ever experienced a verbally abusive relationship, you know that words can feel as though they are literally killing your soul.

Physical abuse, those sticks and stones, leave visible marks, the kind you can see and show someone else, so they understand what’s happening to you, what damage is being done to you. Abusive words don’t leave visible marks of any sort and their use can be so cunning and insidious that you’re damaged before you even realize what is being done to you. No scars, no marks, no visible signs of hurt to show someone, to ask for help.  This is a HUGE stressor for MEN and WOMEN both!

Verbal abusers pick their victims well and most of the time they keep the abuse behind closed doors with no witnesses. Their public persona is so totally different than the one they save for the one who bears the force of their cutting words. If anyone is going to look foolish or petty, it will be the victim who seeks help from family or friends who only experience the “good” side of the abuser.

Verbal abuse isn’t just shouting profanities; it is finding a sensitive spot and working on it. Joking about a tender subject and when the abused person reacts (as the abuser  expected) telling them that they “are too sensitive” or that they “need to grow up” or that they “are stupid” or some other negative put-down remark to further demean.

A person who has been verbally abused may believe they are worthless, not capable of the simplest tasks. When it comes from a parent, it is particularly devastating. Many times an abused child grows up and becomes the abuser, although they don’t necessarily recognize their actions as being abusive.

All relationships are going to have times of arguing and harsh words. That’s a normal part of a normal relationship. It leads to “kiss and make up” and the relationship continues on having cleared the air of issues that needed to be dealt with. Both partners say they’re sorry, they both admit to their mistakes. They apologize.

Abusers may apologize, although most don’t, but even with apologies they won’t stop the abuse. Even if they say they’re sorry, and most won’t, they aren’t sorry enough to stop the abuse.

IF ANY OF THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO YOU – SEEK HELP!  The stress of the verbal abuse is damaging enough, but if it continues, it will stress your body too!

If your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or family member is being abusive to you, are you willing to accept it knowing that your son or daughter will learn from you that abusive behavior is acceptable? Learn what you can do to break the legacy of abuse within your family. Get counseling for yourself and your children even if your spouse denies there is a problem.

Life is too short to spend it being verbally or otherwise abused.

Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming people in public. They treat their spouse or friends with such respect that people often think they “are the perfect couple.” They save their abuse and cruelty for a private audience, remember. Verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can, and sometimes does, turn physical.

Many abusers are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are subtle.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul

Many of us never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. MANY verbal abusers were abused themselves and do not even recognize what they are doing.

During the courtship period, everyone is on best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight (often not there temporarily). Since humans want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook some obvious verbal abuse. Individual chemistry and history adds to the capability some people have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry or move in together. And the abuse starts…

Verbal abuse can destroy confidence.

One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As one begins to internalize the criticism and believe it’s valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, and unlovable.  After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then “it must be true.”

Many people find themselves staying in place until verbal abuse has nearly destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.

The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion. The abuser can turn on the charm making people doubt their own instincts.

If the individual challenges the abuser, that person might turn on the charm making the instinct sink even further.  Children often believe they are the culprits and causing this behavior.

Some abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:

“What’s wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing.

“Come on, honey, I was drunk.”

“Honey, I love you but sometimes you cause this.”

“I had a bad day at work.”

“You’re not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old.”

“I was upset with my ex.”

“You know I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you–remember.”

If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your “charmer” and don’t offer belief or support. They think you are crazy not to marry this man.

Make plans to create a better environment for you.  Don’t stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.

Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can and sometimes does, turn physical.

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer ‘yes’ to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

Does your partner:

Ignore your feelings?

Disrespect you?

Ridicule or insult you then tell you it’s a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

Ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

Withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

Give you the silent treatment?

Walk away without answering you?

Criticize you, call you names, and yell at you?

Humiliate you privately or in public?

Roll his or her eyes when you talk?

Give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

Make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don’t feel well?

Seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won’t get?

Tell you that you are too sensitive?

Hurt you especially when you are down?

Seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

Present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

“Twist” your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

Try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

Complain about how badly you treat him or her?

Threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

Ever left you stranded?

Ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

Ever hit or pushed you, even “accidentally”?

Seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

Abuse something you love: a pet, a child, and an object?

Compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

Promise to never do something hurtful again?

Harass you about imagined affairs?

Manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, and break appliances?

Drive like a road-rage junkie?

Act immature and selfish; yet accuse you of those behaviors?

Question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

Interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

Make you feel like you can’t win? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

Use drugs and/or alcohol involved? Are things worse then?

Incite you to rage, which is  “proof” that you are to blame?

Try to convince you he or she is “right,” while you are “wrong?”

Frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

Treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

You express your opinions less and less freely.

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.

You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior.

You feel emotionally unsafe.

You feel it’s somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.

You hope things will change…especially through your love and understanding.

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

You doubt your own judgment.

You doubt your abilities.

You feel vulnerable and insecure.

You are becoming increasingly depressed.

You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

You have been or are afraid of your partner.

Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women’s shelter, educate yourself, and  seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!

DO NOT LET THE STRESS OF VERBAL ABUSE control your life any more!  If you think it will lessen, don’t be naive.  If you think it will go away, it won’t. Only you can STOP it!

You don’t need to pop a pill to find peace!

If you have watched anything on television or the Internet, or even listened to the radio, you have been bombarded with the advertising of pharmaceuticals.

Much of the advertising claims you will “calm down and find the peace you seek”.  Photos of a miserably unhappy person change to someone who is happy and full of joy.

Right along with the promises comes the required warnings that the drugs might cause worse problems than what you are currently experiencing.  This can include thoughts of suicide!  The problem of drug “overuse” – sometimes leading to death – has increased dramatically.

Come on! These advertisers seem to think they are dealing with stupid people. Those who buy into the programs are usually just uninformed about the pharmaceuticals each of us have within our own bodies.

Some people truly need medical help, and specific prescription help (this website does not diminish the importance of the availability of these things for these people), but the majority of human beings are capable of accessing help from within themselves.

The first thing we have to do in order to use our own healing capability, and reduce our stress level, is to exercise our intellect.  At the mental level you must come to the realization that ONLY YOU and YOUR THOUGHTS have any REAL control over your mental and physical health.

Thoughts held in our minds produce after their own.  Hence, your mind is your kingdom, and you must rule it wisely.  Release and let go of any thoughts that are unworthy of you.

Blame, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and anger are unworthy of being reiterating over and over in your mind.  Wipe out those useless thoughts that keep you in bondage and increase your stress level.  They can only build feelings of depression, criticism, resentment, and feelings of being unloved.  Replace the weak thoughts and strongly affirm positive thoughts.  Remember thoughts held in our minds produce after their own!

At your emotional level, try to practice positive attitude change

with the use of a positive sense of humor.  See the true humor all around you in puns, irony, oxymorons, and just plain silliness.  Laugh yourself out of your stress.

Positive humor helps condition the logical mind, and eventually it will yield to the omniscience of a calm and sweet spirit.

Hold in your mind thoughts, which include “I am becoming calmer”.  I am changing to positive thoughts, which will in turn decrease my negative stress level.  I am changing for the better.  My changes within will change my outward presence and my response to stressful situations.”

You are the captain of your ship and you want to sail calm waters.  Begin to make it happen today.  Take a breath and think of something that is wonderful (example: the color of the leaves in fall, or a laughing child).

Create your life and diminish out of control stress.  Take another breath.  Exhale slowly and cast out the negative.

Inhale again and begin to regenerate and relax simultaneously.

It depends on YOU!

By deepening the breath, more oxygen is sent to all parts of the body and every single cell benefits.

The stress hormone, cortisol, is reduced with deep breathing and body movement.  In turn stress is reduced, anxiety and depression lessen, and a better attitude prevails.  When the body feels good it is much easier to be happy.  When body, mind and spirit are in harmony, healing happens.

Deep breathing and movement improve T-cell function, which boosts the immune system and builds resistance to the flue and viruses.  We will find we become healthier and more relaxed as we incorporate deep breathing (can be done anywhere) and simple movements of the body.

As your circulation improves (a direct result of breathing and movement), blood pressure and cholesterol begin to normalize and the cardio vascular health improves.

Up and down movements of the body help create more bone density.  Joints soften and loosen, becoming more flexible, stronger, and are less likely to break or sprain.

Consider walking and “thoughtful” deep breathing rather a moving meditation that encourages mental awareness, serenity, and a healthier body.  If you walk with a friend, as you talk with each other, you are encouraging better breath, and probably a better friendship.

If you participate in an activity that encourages deep breathing and movement, it will be a great benefit to you in mental and physical health, and a great stress management adventure. Yoga, T’ai Chi C’huan is two examples of such activities.

Jumping, shaking, walking, singing, any movement lustily increases your body energy and helps you to manage stress more effectively.

The single most important aspect of preventing disease and easing stress is to breathe deeper, which will increase your oxygen intake.

Remember too, any movement, even if it’s just wiggling the toes, rotating the wrists, and bending the neck from side to side, will enhance the quality of your life – and reduce out of control stress.

So if you want instant stress management “assistance” – do it now.  Take a deep breathing.  Think about how the physiology of the body works; know it will begin to relax the mind and body, and exhale all the negativity that is hurting you.   You can do it!

Simple tips on how to help manage your stress effectively

Disproportionate stress plays a HUGE factor in succumbing to various diseases.

Recently a cancer specialist stated, “There is considerable research that point to stress and being an influencing factor in the susceptibility of and resistance to cancer, as well as to the course of the disease itself.”

Both endocrine and immune functions are so sensitive to the influence of stress that measurable effects can be noted and characterized in both animal and human studies.

External stresses seem to overload our systems, particularly if our bodies have already been exhausted from the internal stress of not having our “needs” met for a long time.  Research supports the role of stress in many other chronic and catastrophic diseases.

Negative thoughts, when allowed to travel from our brain to our organ systems, cause such stress on the systems that eventually they become overloaded and cannot even recognize there is a problem.  That time is when we succumb to such incidents of heart attacks, adrenal failure, and possibly cancer.

Keep in mind, no matter how unbearable you feel your stress level is, YOU are the only one who can make changes to attend to this!  Talking about it only increases concerns.  It’s ACTION that helps to heal the body and mind.

Below are a few simple thoughts and activities that can help you live a more stress manageable life.

1.  Remember that being a perfectionist simply is YOU putting pressure on yourself.  Nothing is perfect, so get over trying to make everything perfect. Work on thinking “I’ve done the best I can.”

2.  Try to move through your day slowly enough to take a few mindful breaths, and do some simple stretches to keep the oxygen flowing to regenerate, refresh your intellect, and find a calmer demeanor.

3.  Learn to live with unfinished tasks.  Only a corpse is completely finished!

4.  Leave time in your schedule for the unexpected.  Try to stay flexible, as life is all about CHANGE.

5.  Leave early enough so you don’t have to rush.  Even if you have to get up twenty minutes earlier, it will be worth it.  When you awaken allow yourself two or three minutes to take a few mindful breaths and stretch your body to reactivate your circulation.

6.  Learn to slow your pace of talking, walking and eating. Drop “slam, hurry, and run” out of your vocabulary, unless of course, you are running for exercise.  Slow down.  You will get where you are going when you arrive.

7.  Keep in mind the effect that stress can have on the body. When you begin to feel stress coming on, take a breath and think, “This is not worth a heart attack.  What good would I be then to my projects?”

8.  Use any waiting in line or stopping for lights as an opportunity to practice breathing techniques. Sitting at a light you can drop your neck from side to side to help stretch it. Even if you are standing in line you can lift a foot and wiggle the toes, or stretch the fingers.  Silently hold your tummy in and stand straighter, and use your oxygen.  In doing so, you have activated “secret weapons” aimed at the management of stress.

9.  Remember that certain types of music can help your heart rate and blood pressure to calm down and flow in sync with healthy heartbeats and lower blood pressure.  Be selective.

10. Ask yourself, honestly, whether “something” must be done this hour, or this day.  Would catastrophe ensue if you could not squeeze it in?

These are simple techniques for YOU to do to help yourself!  Always remember too that there is additional help out there in the form of counselors, stress management clinics, massage therapists and more….but none of these will help if you don’t begin RIGHT NOW, to help yourself.

Take a deep breath through your nose.  Exhale.  Take another, visualizing your need for oxygen to perform optimally.  Now slowly exhale and congratulate yourself on this new beginning.

Create a beautiful day – no matter what!