Practical suggestions to hone your communication savvy
Since most of us are able to use verbal communication, it is important we follow some basic rules that are usually learned through the trial and error method. Poor communication skills can raise your stress level dangerously high.
Honesty is premium. Without honest communication we are doomed to disaster. You may have heard someone say, “Oh, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”, or “he just couldn’t handle the truth”. Truth is far less damaging than lies.
Understand this, truth will never have to be defended because it is it’s own defense. Even with the scrutiny of a detective, truth will stand flawlessly.
Sometimes the “delivery” might need to be handled delicately, with a positive tone, but in the long run, truth will always win out as the optimum choice. You never have to worry about remembering the truth, but when you lie you do. You never have to worry about “being caught”.
Never assume, when a comment is initially made, that you actually know what the person meant. Sometimes it will be obvious, but consider the fact that painful communication and relationship scars in all of us will often color or alter the meaning of what a person may say to you! If you feel uncomfortable or need clarification, simply ask. “I may be misunderstanding what you are saying, could you clarify for me?” OR
“Truthfully I have some issues in the past that have left emotional scars- could you explain to me what you just said? I do not want to misunderstand.” Verify that you have understood correctly his or her meaning or feeling.
Listen until the other person has completed a thought. This rule applies any time. It is the intelligent person that listens. It is the person who truly cares and wants to have understanding that listens.
When a person is so “ready” to express an opinion without listening it usually means he or she is thinking about what they will say before the other party is actually finished talking…how is it possible to get the jest of what they are saying if you are thinking about what you will say next?
If you have a complaint, state what you observed or feel. State it objectively; don’t generalize and don’t exaggerate. Use your intellect as opposed to your emotion, and be concise about the comment of complaint.
Keep current. If the matter has been satisfactorily resolved, do not keep bringing it up.
Remember that the words that you utter must first resonate within your mind. Take a moment and take a breath before you respond to negative communicators. You will find you are more relaxed because of the needed oxygen intake (our brains need fifty percent more to think optimally than the rest of our body), and you will have a moment or two to focus and use your intellect instead of just reacting with raw emotion.
Communicating effectively is one stress management technique that will reward you the minute you open your mouth. Now, take a breath and smile. Store these thoughts to empower you the next time you are challenged in this area.
