Are you devastated? Distraught? Feeling like you can’t go on anymore?
YES YOU CAN!
It is built into human nature to survive. The majority of human beings (without alcohol and drugs being involved) are able to recover from almost anything! If you think not, think again. Just ask a Marine who has lost his limbs and has to start all over again or perhaps a young woman who finds herself a widow, or a mother who has been physically and/or verbally abused. These are REAL scenarios. RECOVERY is possible and will be faster than you think if you begin now.
You are NOT ALONE! The total numbers of U.S. divorces (excluding non-counting states) reported in the year 2000 was a staggering nine hundred and fifty seven thousand, two hundred and twenty for that year alone. This statistic was ten years ago. Statistics haven’t gotten better!
This figure didn’t include broken love affairs, broken friendships, or unreported instances of “some kind” of break-up.
Every human on this planet earth has felt emotions of despair at one time or another. We all suffer LOSS.
You can start today by learning to use your oxygen. (See yesterday’s post). This is the first step.
Whether you have stopped loving someone, the love has changed, or you have lost someone to the final chapter of this life, you can recover.
There will be tears, and a flood of other emotions initially. This is the way human beings are built. If there is no sadness, and only rage and hatred, you have the opportunity now to begin again too. (Start with the breathing technique in the last post.) When you feel rage you actually begin to breathe in a shallow manner and you need more oxygen for your brain to calm down! More oxygen is necessary to think intelligently.
Remember: What has happened is a done deal. IF you have had this kind of loss the best thing you can do is move forward.
Acceptance. Acceptance is primary. What was then, is now changed. This is life. Life is a series of changes.
No one is telling you to not be sad, or feel insecure, or not to have regrets. These things all seem to be a part of “pre-recovery”. But don’t spend the next year of your life mourning.
It does not change things.
You can’t go back to “the good old days”. They are the past.
Your goal now is to move forward, allow yourself a limited amount of time to mourn your loss – and if you were instrumental in making the changes then RECALL what prompted you to do so. You must have been good reasons. Sometimes our emotions get in the way of our intellect and blur our memory of the “why” of things. Remember what prompted your actions.
This is not a post to sound cold and harsh. It is a reality check.
The reality of the loss of any relationship or another human is deeply felt – but there must be a limit. You will go forward.
Diversion is great therapy. Join a stress management group; take yoga, or seek friendships through church or work.
“Busy hands are happy hands” makes sense. If you stay busy you won’t have so much time to dwell on the past. Volunteer; get together with family or old friends.
Lastly – quit dissecting what happened. Men are much better at dropping a subject than women. When it’s done for men it’s usually done. Women like to go over and over it again, and truthfully, that is not a healthy way to recover.
Take a breath. Say a prayer. Life goes on and it can move oftentimes to many more wonderful times in the future; times you never imagined. It’s up to you now. Take a breath and start your life over. Be rid of the negativity and start with a positive thought: “I am healing!”
