(If you’ve just begun to read this blog, this post is a continuing post from two previous posts.) A current stress management tip: This print is far too big, and I am not happy with the set-up……However, I have tried to change it several times and rather than be “stressed” about it, I am just publishing it as is. I took a breath, thought about it, and decided I’m the master of this domain, so there!
I think it is very important for peace and love to flourish, for us and men and women to understand what the other is going through. Hence, this time is spent explaining what your male partner or friend may be going through. I realize I mentioned this before, but it is urgent for quality communication, and communication is everything.
Another time I will address menopause. Though there are many articles about it, sometimes men fail to pay attention, and we all want peace on the home front, so understanding the others challenges is imperative to that.
Men, at this stage are hard on themselves – they often feel they have failed as they should be retired and have tons of money in the bank.
Because they learn early not to share problems, they may hold all the things going on inside. That can lead to the “fatal implosion”.
You guys may be mad at God too, or deny him all together right now.
If you have communicated to your significant other that you are having problems, you have done the right thing – as long as you haven’t gone off the deep end and begun an affair, or done something equally radical.
Those things will require much more specific counseling or help. Those are the kinds of things that have popped up the divorce rate.
By thirty-five or forty women are already getting nervous about getting older, and your concerns may be very stressful for her as well. But you can get through ANYTHING if you are willing to COMMUNICATE and listen without judgment.
However, an interesting thing happens also when women reach their forties. They are actually becoming stronger emotional and more stable in their lives.
Did you know that there are certain factors that enter into the motivation of men and women? The discrepancies cannot help but lead to problems in marriage sometimes…so when the problem of a male mid-life crisis appears, it can compound a resolve.
Men list these (in order) as priorities in a relationship: Companionship, sex, love-affection-sentiment, home and family, a helpmate, and security.
Women list: Love-affection-sentiment, security, companionship, hone and family, community acceptance and sex as the priorities.
Isn’t it amazing we all ever can live happily together? J But believe
me it is possible. I have been married for over twenty-five years, and my husband and I are still in love.
The problems that seem to stand out as the highest in relationships are (briefly) these:
1. Married couples often find they have a preoccupation with the process of living, and not each other. Work and kids demand lots of attention.
2. Therein, a lack of time for good communication and intimacy rank high in problems to resolve.
3. As both sexes get old they mature and realize that sometimes they have unmet personal needs.
4. At the other end of the spectrum, a lack of personal growth in some, old problems from adolescence may still be present.
Now after reading all this guys, you may wonder what in the hell do you do to step up and do your part to keep your wife or partner happy – and yourself, of course.
The first thing you must do is find time to “renew” your relationship. A lack of time (alone time) together inhibits kindling flames, and good communication towards resolving problems.
The second thing is you must think it over. IF you are still in love and really still want the relationship, you must commit that you will work to renew your relationship (the trick here is your love must commit to it as well). It takes a heap of patience and understanding.
Now we will cover, briefly, a few things that are urgent in getting through this time (for both male and female).
1. Acceptance. You must accept each other. Don’t try to change each other or give lists of stipulations to fill.
2. Guys, no matter how upset you are, keep your hands off of the ladies.
Even if she pushes you verbally into anger, you must not hit your woman. Women are weaker naturally, and ultimately – you will probably pay the price with jail time. “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”
3. Help your wife/partner (and it goes both ways) – to carry the load. No demeaning her jobs. She in turn needs to appreciate all that you do for everyone!
4. Women are romantics. If you want some good lovin’ get her ready to be happy to be involved. Not just wham, bam, thank you mam! She will respond to your efforts.
5. If you turn to alcohol it will never get better. Period.
6. If you have already committed the cardinal sin – then you have a world of work to do. This involves forgiveness (on her part), and more than likely counseling. I would never suggest lying about something in the past, but keep in mind, women are likely to forgive, but we rarely forget. Use your judgment and atone how you know you must….if a woman cant forgive (and forget) your penance will be lengthy and hard.
If you make a promise that it NEVER happens again, keep that promise! I accepted my former husband back only to find out he was still cheating. Guess what? I was done forever!
I could write a book about all you can do to help yourself get through this, but if you realize you aren’t alone, and you can get through it, sometimes just that helps.! The ABSOLUTE biggest thing you can do is COMMUNICATE. Women can be very understanding, and it doesn’t put you down to say, “Hey, I’m going through some things right now, and I want us to be okay.”
Good luck and God bless! This too shall pass.