Stress Management Magic

Take a deep breath and relax!  Inhale slowly through the nose as you read this. Now exhale slowly and quietly through the mouth.  Again, inhale through the nose, thinking: “This will give me new energy and help relax my mind.”  Exhale slowly through the mouth, thinking:  “I release negative thoughts and feelings.”

Even if you are savvy to the positive and dynamic results diaphragmatic breathing will render to your mind and body, it never hurts to review WHY we consider breathing the number one stress management technique.

When you are under stress, your muscles tense, and your breathing becomes shallow and rapid.  One of the simplest, and absolutely best) ways to stop this stress response is to breathe slowly and deeply.

Most of us do not breathe deeply under normal circumstances, so it may help to review the mechanics of deep breathing and how it helps us all to relax.

Breathing Under Stress

When our prehistoric ancestors were in danger of attack, their muscles tensed and their breathing became rapid and shallow, as they prepared to run or fight.  Their high level of tension was a means of preparing their bodies for optimum performance.

Today the causes of stress are different, but the human response to it is the same. However, since we are not running or fighting, our tension has no release and our stress response builds.  One way to counteract the stress response is to learn how to breathe deeply and slowly – the opposite of how we breathe when under stress.

Parents who have taken Bradley-Lamoze Method of Natural Childbirth have already learned the value of using our oxygen to empower us.

Deep breathing is not always natural to adults.  Watch the way a baby breathes; the area beneath the chest goes in and out.  Most adults breathe from the chest.  This is shallow breathing, so less oxygen is taken in with each breath.  As a result the blood is forced to move through the system quickly so that enough oxygen gets to the brain and organs.  Higher blood pressure is a result.

Deep breathing can reverse these effects.  Take the time to practice this deep breathing each day, especially when you are under stress. You can be sitting, standing, or lying down, but it helps to wear loose, comfortable clothing.  Begin by breathing in through your nose.  Count to five and let your lower abdomen fill with air, filling from the bottom to the top.

Hold the breath for a five second count and then as you let the air out through your mouth, let the abdomen drop in the same manner – from the bottom to the top.  With practice you can add seconds o the count.  You will increase your relaxation if you imagine breathing in ocean or the forest air.  When exhaling imagine all the stress leaving with the exhalation of the carbon dioxide.

By helping you let go of tension through this breathing, you can relieve headaches, backaches, stomachaches and sleeplessness.  It releases the body’s own painkillers, called endorphins, into the system.  It allows blood pressure to return to normal, which is good for your heart.  Deep breathing can also allow held-in emotions to come to the surface, so your emotional health benefits from this breathing too.

The really beautiful thing about this stress management technique is that (to date) you can get your supply for free.  It is also available any time and any place you need to use it.

So go ahead – take a deep breath in through the nose, hold it for five seconds – press the exhalation out through your lips, and have a better day knowing, you can help yourself instantly!  Stress reduction is possible.  Meditate.  Join a class.  Participate in managing stress by developing your breathing skills.  Always available – guaranteed success.  Be involved with your own life!  No one can begin today if you aren’t willing!  CREATE your life!

STRESS MILLIONS ARE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW!

There are unexpected horror stories happening right now because of the high unemployment rate in our nation.  In February alone the number of job losses (reported) is over thirty-five thousand.  It is disheartening, to say the least, to be unemployed and not be able to support yourself or a family. This is particularly true for families with children, or with only one member of the family in the work force.

Not only is it stressful because of the financial problems that are accruing, it is devastating to many relationships. Today there are many citizens who have worked all their lives and have now been unemployed, not by choice, for months.  There are a growing number of people who have also just given up, and that number isn’t even counted in the unemployment monthly figures.

After a few months of unemployment there rises a feeling of detachment to the work force. As the period of time extends   the less current the resume becomes, and the potential for a possible loss of skills can occur.

For the unemployed person there is added worry about how the bills will be paid, often boredom with too much free time, a hit to the ego, and the ever-present luring nature of having a drink to “take off the edge”. The seductive nature of alcohol is a real temptation (after all it is social and legal).  It is also easy to have a second drink because “the first one made you feel so good”. Then you think, ” perhaps another just to be social”. The ball is rolling now.

Be careful, alcohol can run you down and kill your relationships, family, and even the potential to ever work again.  Motivation is lacking with those who drink regularly – except the motivation to get another drink. Good men (and women) can get caught up in this downward spiral.  It happens all the time!

Alcohol is a VERY DANGEROUS drug. Like any drug, it has a cumulative draw.  Too much alcohol and lies are congruent.  If a person has a blackout there is a huge danger of total ruination, because of actions you can’t remember, the possibility of driving under the influence, and often times, violence.

You don’t want the unemployed person, or yourself, to have to drink and get into that “fake world” where everyone is your best friend, and you all tell each other how great you are, just to regain some confidence.  That doesn’t even take into consideration the cost of the alcohol.  These days two drinks is the same cost as if you went to the store and bought a bottle!

These truths aren’t meant to freak anyone out, but to simply elevate awareness of potential problems.  We are ALL FLAWED human beings the need to be cognizant of the pitfalls and dangers that face so many people are real. It is important for you to be on your toes if “things” seem to be changing.

Be supportive and do understand it’s tough right now.  It does not help in most situations to point out how many other people are in similar situations.  A person who has been gainfully employed can only stay home so long (particularly with children) before “stir crazy” and “cabin fever” manifest.

Remember, too, particularly a man, may not want to share his insecurity, his concern, or his feelings of failure.  As an example of how tough it is right now, there are fifty-one candidates for every one position available in construction!  That is staggering.

If you have a genetic connection to alcohol someone with alcoholic tendencies, be aware. Also, for those who simply fall into the pit by circumstance, keep the risks in mind. They are real.

So what can you really do?

1.  The first key to stress management will always be learning to use your oxygen to calm yourself down.  You will not “react” but “respond” with intellect if you slow down to breathe.  When you concentrate on your breath you will be leaving your problems for a short time.  You can only think of one thing at a time.

2.  If you are the person unemployed, listen to your mate or partner.  Really listen.  Some things they say may seem unfair to you, but be mature enough to know what is true, and work on the problems.

3.  If you are the mate or partner of the person unemployed, be patient.  Share your feelings without tearing down the other person.  Use your intellect and recognize the difference between someone who is really trying, and someone who is not.

3.  Remember fighting will not resolve anything.  It will only exacerbate the problem.  Again, use your oxygen before opening your mouth!  Don’t yell.  Everyone concerned is frustrated.

4.  Have a “production” meeting and make notes as to possible job opportunities or alternate choices that may work.

5.  STAY FLEXIBLE.  There are no guarantees of what will happen in the next moment.  The only guarantee you have is that if you turn sour or negative, you will definitely ruin your

Anger is defined as strong emotions:  wrath, aggravation, being annoyed, bothered, exasperated, furious, irritated, outraged, and antagonized.  If you are reading this there is a reason.  Please take a few slow breaths of oxygen as you continue.  Inhale slowly and exhale slowly.  You are on the right path.

The emotions, INCLUDING “a sense of injury” and a desire to retaliate, (which are sometimes disguised, even to the individual who is angry) can be dangerous emotions.   You can be almost out of control.  It happens to millions of people. However, if anger is left unmanaged, the anger can escalate to violence, and the loss of control for one moment, has the potential to destroy your life and perhaps someone else’s!  This is not an exaggeration. Statistics are a witness to acts of violence and the consequences paid.

If you feel your anger is tipping the scales, please answer the follow questions honestly.

1.  What does anger REALLY resolve?

2.  Do you REALLY want to devastate your body chemistry?

3.  Do you REALLY have good reason to hurt family, friends, and peers?

4.  Can you think of more appropriate ways to handle the situations?

5.  Is your anger REALLY aimed at someone else, or is it yourself?

Fact: Anger does not resolve anything. When you feel angry leave the room.  Go to someplace alone and do two things.  Take for to five deep breaths slowly and exhale slowly.  This concentrating on getting increased oxygen will divert your attention from the problem, for the moment.  It actually has a calming effect on your mind and body.

Fact:  When you are angry just once in a while, though the chemicals in your body are thrown into an abnormal state, the damage is not permanent.  When you get angry all the time you actually are setting yourself up for disaster, both physically, and mentally.

Fact:  While breathing to calm down, say a short prayer, or mantra several times.  Examples:  “God please help me to calm down.” or “I feel calm now.”  Say whatever you choose to help several times.

Fact:  Your angry words can cut like a knife and ultimately are capable of destroying any relationship.  Angry words lead to angry actions.  Since we are creatures of habit, if you ALLOW this anger to control you, you are jeopardizing everyone in your circle of life – including you!  Heart attacks have happened because of this negative habit!

There are better ways to handle tough scenarios.  Take a time out for finding your intellect instead of relying on emotions.  Walk away.  Seek counseling.

Have a family meeting and set rules.  There is always a better way than “lack of self-control.”

Fact:   Think of this.  Sometimes your anger may actually be misguided frustration in handling a situation that is either out of your control, or out of the realm of you actually knowing what to do.  It happens!  Anger at one’s self can be twisted and manifest as anger to another.

If you have a child, you may have felt anger when you couldn’t locate the child for a time.  Perhaps he or she was only playing somewhere out of your sight, but by the time you discovered the child your pent up WORRY had turned into anger; actually kind of a retaliation towards the child for your discomfort.

There are reasons to be angry, but do not let the anger destroy your life and ruin the lives of the people around you.  There are men and women in prison for the rest of their lives for that moment of anger that was mismanaged.

Exercise your brain to think of a way to get out of this useless “anger pit” before you dig your way into a grave.  PRACTICE new thoughts.  Even if you don’t feel satisfied at first, you must continue to try to create more positive brain cells.  If you must, take a pillow and beat it!  Get a punching bag and use it until you are exhausted, and calmer.  Go for a run.  There are alternatives to anger.

PLEASE – IF YOU NEED HELP – AND YOU KNOW IT INNATELY – GET HELP BEFORE IT ESCALATES!  There are anger management classes, social service organizations, and many other places to seek help.  Talk to someone at a church.  There is help available.

Right now:  take in a slow, deep breath (through the nose).  Hold it a few seconds remembering this will physically help to calm you down.  Exhale (through the mouth) and visualize that anger subsiding as you get rid of the carbon dioxide.  Do this again slowly.  YOUR MIND AND BODY WILL RESPOND WITH A CALMER YOU, CAPABLE OF RESPONDING AND NOT REACTING.

Anger out of control can lead to violence.  Violence can lead to irreparable damage.  In many cases anger can, and has been a straight path to jail!  Think about it and see help now if you feel out of control rage.  PLEASE!

We all grew up believing that physical abuse was the thing that hurt the most but if you have ever experienced a verbally abusive relationship, you know that words can feel as though they are literally killing your soul. They will also stay active in your minds for years if left unattended.

Physical abuse can leave visible marks, the kind you can see and show someone else so they understand what’s happening to you. People can see damage being done to you. Abusive words don’t leave visible marks of any sort.  Verbal abuse can be so cunning and insidious the damage is done before you even realize what is being done to you. There are no scars, no visible signs of hurt to show someone to ask for help.

Verbal abusers pick their victims. Most of the time they keep the abuse behind closed doors with no witnesses. The abuser’s public image is so totally different than the one they show to their victim. If anyone is going to look foolish or petty, it will be the victim who seeks help from family or friends.  They only see the “good” side of the abuser.

Verbal abuse isn’t just shouting profanities; it is finding a sensitive spot and working on it.  Joking about a tender subject when the abused person reacts (as the abuser expected) telling them that they “are too sensitive”, some other negative put-down remark to further demean.

A person who has been verbally abused may believe they are worthless, not capable of the simplest tasks, not worthy of living on this earth. When it comes from a parent, it is particularly devastating. Many times an abused child grows up and becomes the abuser, although they don’t necessarily recognize their actions as being abusive.

All relationships are going to have times of arguing some harsh words. That is a normal part of a normal relationship as it evolves. In a healthy relationship it leads clearing the air of issues that needed to be dealt with; it leads to healthy conversations and a resolve.  Both partners say they’re sorry, they both admit to their mistakes. They may even apologize.

Abusers may apologize, although most don’t, but even with apologies they won’t stop the abuse. Even if they say they’re sorry, they aren’t sorry enough to stop the abuse.

Think about this, if your spouse or boyfriend, or family member were being abusive to you, would you accept it knowing that your son or daughter will probably be abused, and ultimately will learn from you that abusive behavior is acceptable?

You need to learn what you can do to break the legacy of abuse within your family. Get counseling for yourself and your children even if your spouse denies there is a problem.

Life is too short to spend it being verbally or otherwise abused. If you saw it happening to your child would you allow it?

Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming people in public. They treat their spouse or partner with such respect that people often think they “are the perfect couple”. They save their abuse and cruelty for a private audience.  Know this: verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can and sometimes does, turn physical.

Many people are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are subtler.

Physical abuse may leave injury for a time, but more often than not, the injury heals.  Verbal abuse it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul.

Many people never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.  Quite often the person being abused makes excuses for the abuser.

“…..really doesn’t mean to hurt me.”

“I don’t want to break up.  I have children.”

“…..will stop because he/she loves me.”

Verbal abusers are usually quite sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse. No one outside the home may ever see the side the abused person knows only too well

Why do intelligent, warm men and women permit verbal abuse?

During the courtship period, everyone is on his or her best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and probably few and far between. Since everyone wants to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse. Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry or move in together. And the abuse starts…

One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As the abused person begins to internalize the criticism and believe it’s valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, and unlovable.  After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then “it must be true.”

If the woman does challenge the abuser, he might turn on the charm and even make her doubt her instincts. This lowers her self-confidence even further.

Abusers have stock answers when challenged.

“What’s wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing.

“Come on, honey, I was drunk…..

“Honey, I love you but sometimes you…”

“I had a bad day at work…” or “I had a bad day with the kids”

“You know I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you–remember.”

If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your mate and don’t offer belief or support.

Make plans to create a better environment for you.  Don’t stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer ‘yes’ to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look. These things are universal traits of an abuser.

Does your partner:

Ignore your feelings

Disrespect you?

Ridicule or insult you then tell you it’s a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

Ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

Withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

Give you the silent treatment?

Walk away without answering you?

Criticize you, call you names, and yell at you?

Humiliate you privately or in public?

Roll his or her eyes when you talk?

Give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

Make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don’t feel well?

Seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won’t get?

Tell you are too sensitive?

Hurt you especially when you are down?

Seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

Present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

“Twist” your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

Try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

Complain about how badly you treat him or her?

Threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

Ever left you stranded?

Ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

Ever hit or pushed you, even “accidentally”?

Seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

Abuse something you love: a pet, a child, and an object?

Compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

Promise to never do something hurtful again?

Harass you about imagined affairs?

Manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, and break appliances?

Drive like a road-rage junkie?

Act immature and selfish; yet accuse you of those behaviors?

Question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

Interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

Make you feel like you can’t win? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

Use drugs and/or alcohol involved? Are things worse then?

Incite you to rage, which is  “proof” that you are to blame?

Try to convince you he or she is “right,” while you are “wrong?”

Frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

Treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

You express your opinions less and less freely.

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.

You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior.

You feel emotionally unsafe.

You feel it’s somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.

You hope things will change…especially through your love and understanding.

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

You doubt your own judgment.

You doubt your abilities.

You feel vulnerable and insecure.

You are becoming increasingly depressed.

You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

You have been or are afraid of your partner.

Your partner has physically hurt you, even once

If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women’s shelter, educate yourself, and seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!

Midlife Crisis: this time can be stressful time.  Find out how to help yourself a husband, a friend or a mate, now!

The more we know (both male and females), the greater our understanding we can have, and the better we will be better equipped to be helpful and not just irritated by actions that may accompany this nature passage in life.

Have you noticed ANY of these symptoms in yourself or someone in your life?

* Decreased mental quickness and sharpness

* Decreased energy, strength and endurance

* Less desire for activity and exercise

* Decreased muscle and increased body fat

* Mild to moderate depression and irritability

* Depression and/or loss of eagerness and enthusiasm for

daily life

* Decreased sex drive

* Decreased sexual function and/or sensitivity

To clarify something, this information is not to belittle or injury anyone! It is not shameful to experience NORMAL physiological changes- if we are lucky enough to age!

We’ve all heard of the menopause happening in women, but not too many of us have heard about a man’s challenge in facing this time.

Many women think that all men are scoundrels, screwed up, or just a mess all together. The reasons behind this (in most cases) are real, and they can be helped.

The happiest relationships on this planet have an “understanding” of each other’s physical challenges.  There is such a nasty misnomer about so many of the natural changes men and women see in a lifetime. Knowledge is power, if used, and with knowledge you access the means to greater understanding, patience and peace.

For women, it is the menopause, and for men it is “climacteric” (or andropause), the corresponding time in the life of men thirty-five years old, and older. The word climacteric comes from the Greek word klimakter, which means literally a rung of a ladder, or figuratively a critical point.

Climacteric is the physiological process that marks the end of maturation and the beginning of new stages in life for men. Its defining point normally takes place without any external influences. The changes in personality and a man’s actions often reflect a decline in male hormones. There is life after the climacteric period!

There are some who feel that hormone replacement therapy helps. The body declines in testosterone, thyroid, human growth hormone, and DHEA.  When people (male or female) are aware of what is happening to their bodies, it is much easier to find a plan to help the transition (or passage) to another stage of life.

A great deal of information has been researched, much of it valid, then put into our heads by well meaning authorities that assume everyone will experience the same symptoms and problems. This is simply NOT TRUE!

We are all different, have different background, genes, health histories, and face these things individually.  The power of mind over matter can help.  Your thoughts manifest into reactions even within our bodies.  Much of the way we tackle a challenge depends on our mental state.

Don’t put yourself in the mindset “I am getting old and there is nothing I can do.”  Start thinking in positive terms and realizing that there are hormone treatments, natural therapies, and mind over matter works, if you work at it!

Keep this in mind guys.  Really, many older men haven’t aged badly at all. In fact, it seems for men, that they age beautifully and are still sexy and handsome – gray hair and all.

JUST BE AWARE THAT THE CHANGES you MAY BE FEELING MAY NOT BE BOREDOM IN A RELATIONSHIP, BEING WEARY OF A JOB, WANTING TO MOVE OR CHANGE SOMETHING, you may simply be going through something that is very natural and happens to most men at this point in their life. Chin up!

As for the gals reading this, keep these things in mind and be supportive of the guys….just like you hope they will be for you!  There are proven and successful methods, to add to the knowledge you now have, of this very important time  in the management of stress.  Be sure to check out meditation classes, stress management videos, counseling and other help on the web. Talk with family and friends and work together to help one another in these progressions of life.

“Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will effect in the material conditions of his life.”

Author Unknown

Words come to life

“I am angry.”

“I don’t know how I will get through this.”

“I can’t forget the past.”

“I won’t ever get out of this mess.”

These are self-fulfilling prophecies.  As sure as these words come out of your mouth, they are actively engaged in the cycle of coming to life – in your life!  These words are stressful words that give in to almost a weakness of spirit.

Life isn’t always fair, but it can still be good.  There are enough “outside stresses” to sometimes overwhelm your mind.  Don’t make the mistake of creating added negative feelings and stress by letting negative words dominate your reaction to life.

The next time you find yourself frustrated and feeling defeated by life’s circumstances, STOP!  Before you speak do this: Take in a mindful plug of oxygen slowly.  Remember this is going to calm you don’t and sharpen your intellect.  As you exhale think of all the burdensome negativity flying away from you.  Do it again.

For these few seconds of using one of the best stress management techniques you have readily available, you can truly change your life.  Your reactions and your words will improve.  You will gain control of your emotions and use your wits instead of just reacting.  Get in the habit and it will come naturally at some point in the near future.

Put new words into action that can modify a terrible scenario to one of lesser consequence for all parties involved.  Think:

“I am calmer.”

“I will get though this scenario with ease.”

“I learn from the past but live in the present.”

“I will find a good resolve to any challenge.”

If you need additional training seek it out.  There many classes on breathing, meditation, and relaxation.  Join one.  You will appreciate these techniques as they are available twenty-four seven, and are a true empowerment to mind and body.

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“The relation that exists between the mind and body is very intimate. When one is affected, the other sympathizes. The condition of the mind affects the health to a far greater degree than many realize. Many of the diseases from which men suffer are the result of mental depression. Grief, anxiety, discontent, remorse, guilt, distrust, all tend to break down the life forces and to invite decay and death….

Courage, hope, faith, sympathy, and love, promote health and prolong life. A contented mind, a cheerful spirit, is health to the body and strength to the soul.”

Ellen G. White. 1827-1915

There is NO return policy, so it might be best to learn to manage the stress that child rearing will bring into your life!

The Plus Side

Not all of the stress that comes into your life when you begin parenting is bad, make no mistake about that, there will be memorable moments for the rest of your life.  It is the toughest job you’ll ever have; it is also the sweetest, and can be freckled with fun and laughter.

The Best Medicine

Laughter is one of the best ways to release stress and feel good.  The chemicals released in the body through laughter reduce pain and tension.  So there is probably no substitute for finding ways to have fun and to laugh with children

Children keep you young.  They remind adults of the “innocence” we all once knew. Their actions have not yet been stuffed into a rigid format, and their honest appraisal of things, as their vocabulary grows, will keep you smiling, and maybe once in a while, cringing.  It is always a “challenge”.

There is no need to be depressed or anxious.  YOU ARE UP TO THE TASK!

Physical Endurance

The physical factor about child rearing is we do get physically stronger from the day we carry that little bundle of joy home.  Carrying a child, extra groceries, diapers, baby equipment, and all the extra do-dads we get to help our children, will also mean extra carrying, extra cleaning, and extra hours filling the needs of children.

Though you may be tired initially, you will get used to the schedule. Before you know it your body will grow stronger and your resilience better.

The Magic

Help yourself AND your children to calm down and relax.  Don’t forget the children will share your stress and the way you manage it. Don’t yell and scream, or break down and cry in front of your children.  They will take it personally, and even if the incident was initiated by their actions, children’s self-esteem for a lifetime is at risk here, as they go through their childhood years. You love them and you are their guardians and mentors.

Work on preventative techniques by letting them learn the very same techniques you are working on for yourself!  Teach them to breath and stretch, and make it fun!

Hyperactive and/or impulsive children, in particular, gain the most from learning techniques that relax their minds and bodies, recognize their internal feelings, and release inner tension.

Relaxation strategies empower children with a feeling of peace and self-control.  Do breathing exercises with your younger children and they will see it as a game and having fun together.

Find a meditation or yoga class and encourage your older children to participate with you.  Many parents already know breathing techniques and the positive effects of controlled breathing through Lamaze or other natural-childbirth classes.

Controlled conscious breathing has the benefit of relaxing muscles and reducing stress.  Many believe it is useful in the management, perhaps cure of some physical ailments and disease.

Help your child to learn to take conscious, deep breaths to relax. Show him/her how to inhale deeply (preferably through the nose, but through the mouth ins fine) and slowly exhale through the mouth.

Teach you child to isolate different body parts and relax them with each slow breath inhaled.  For example, while lying on the floor, instruct the child to tighten or squeeze toes on the left foot, then relax with a deep breath.

Now tighten the left knee and upper leg, and then relax and breathe.  Proceed in this manner to the right side.  Have them then relax by breathing.  Proceed in this fashion to the lower body, to the abdomen and upper body, each arm, hand/fingers, chest, neck, jaws and face.

This is particularly helpful for children to recognize that when they are angry, stressed, or nervous (even about taking a test or performing in a school program), they will recognize the tightening of certain body parts.

If they recognize when fists clench, jaws tighten, and stomachs harden, they have power over their bodies to relax and gain control.

They can consider using their oxygen a “secret weapon” – and it is!  They can breathe deeply and “send” their breaths consciously to relax body parts.  By sending the breaths to a hand, for instance, the child can silently prompt the hand to relax the grip.  Tell the child when the body is relaxed it is easier to think and plan!

Before any “stress” the child might be facing, AND IT’S EASY TO FORGET THEY HAVE STRESSES, INCLUDING YOUR REACTIONS, they can use their secret weapon to calm themselves!  Let them know their brains need fifty percent more oxygen to think well…and the breathing will help them be calmer and wiser for tests!  It’s true.

Hence, as your children learn stress management techniques, it will help them throughout their entire lives, and it will also help you because they will be calmer and more aware of their own body powers.  Children are ripe to learn, and what could be a better gift for the children and the parents than to learn to empower themselves and find peace in this day and age.  They

will also find extra self-esteem in their accomplishments!

Lastly, remember, make it fun, and keep in mind REPETITION is the mother of all learning.  Help all the family together!

When stress is not managed well, you are headed to a potentially parlous journey of poor physical health, and possibly deadly diseases.  The risk you take by ignoring your symptoms of stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed by it, is life threatening.

Without a doubt mental stress unmanaged affects your physical health.

The body is all one thing, a coherent whole, with many different systems and functions.  There is no separation of parts when one is afflicted.

Your thoughts, what goes into the mouth, and how you treat your body all have an effect throughout the body.  Just like when something happens to one member of the family, it affects all the rest of the family, some more than others, but everyone is affected.

It is the same with our bodies.  If there is a tight muscle in the hip for instance, from a corresponding weakness on the opposite side, then that hip is favored because of the tension restricting its motion.  That puts a different strain on the foot, and with the foot in a different position; there will be a strain on other sets of muscles.  This is going to change the body’s general posture, affecting the positions of the internal organs. That, in turn, restricts the nutrition to the organs and changes the excretions and hormonal functions.

The chemical/psychological balance of the person is changed and this affects the individual cells in the body.  As the body and mind are affected, the person will think and feel differently, so he is going to assume still a different posture.  Then there is one more tight area, one more tension, one more cycle.  Everything we do affects all the rest of the body.

Humans are structural, chemical, psychological and spiritual beings.  The primary structure and the natural chemistry work together to influence the psychological, and vice versa.

A problem may exist in any part of an area, and disturbances that arise in other systems may represent the body’s efforts to compensate for the troubled system

To put our body in true balance, we must take into account all aspects of health – structural, mental and nutritional – as well as need for exercise and rest.

You only have one place to live – YOUR BODY.  Your body houses your intellect and your spirit, and will serve you well for many years if you take the time to learn to manage your stress.

Start today for this moment and for a better tomorrow.

Take a breath slowly in through the nose.  As you exhale let the carbon dioxide out slowly.

As you inhale again know you are providing for your LIFE.

As you exhale, picture negative thoughts flying out with your exhalation.

Take care of yourself and you take care of your family and friends.  How much will the works you do count if you find yourself mentally and physically sick from allowing unresolved stress to take control of you?

It’s a choice.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it is time you take charge of your life, and begin to REALLY learn to manage your stress.

Sudden weight loss or weight gain

Tired but can’t sleep, excessive fatigue

Speech difficulties, impatience

Headaches, repeated colds or flu

Nail biting, teeth grinding

Low or high blood sugar

Low or high blood pressure

High cholesterol or triglycerides

Ulcers and gastric disturbances

Chest pains, muscle aches

Lower back, shoulder, neck pain

Menstrual problems, hair loss

Forgetfulness, withdrawal from social life

The consequences of allowing stress to rule your life can be mentally and physically debilitating!

If you have more than two or three of these signs, and honestly feel you simply will not attempt to learn to manage by yourself, consider that it might be time for you to speak to a professional in person.  A counselor, your physician, or a specialist in this fieldt that you can speak with, eye to eye.  You do not want to ignore your symptoms any longer.

If you are willing to give it a go, then begin right now.  First, take a minute or two, and inhale through your nose slowly.  Next exhale through your mouth.  Do this several times and you will be fortifying your brain for new thoughts and optimum intellect.

Here are some tips that will get you started.

1.  Remember a sedentary lifestyle often accompanies and accelerates out of control stress.  Exercise.  Simply walking an extra ten minutes a day will suffice to get started.  Walk in place in front of the television, or standing in front of the computer.  Find a parking space further from the stores you frequent.  Walk the dog and you’ll both be happier.

2.  Quit anticipating the worst.  We have no guarantee of the very next moment and we stall our own progress with fears of impending doom.  Drop negative thinking and a negative vocabulary.  Listen to your own words and make them positive.

3.  Accept the fact, if you are in a stage of your life that feels more stressful than normal, and then start doing something about making changes.  Often the thought of change doesn’t feel as cozy and as safe as the current position you are in, but change is what you need if your stress level is out of control.

4.  Realize there are risks (physically and mentally) if you stay continually stressed out about everything.  Serious risks. Keep in mind, if you feel you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way is up.

5.  Remember to use your oxygen as a secret weapon.  Whenever you feel overwhelmed, let a bell ring in your head and think of it this way: “I will breathe in help to regenerate, relax, and respond better.  I will exhale all those thoughts that are negative and seemingly impossible at the moment.  I can begin life again this very moment.”  Your mind and body will respond and you WILL BE EMPOWERED.  Keep remembering the mind works this way and so does the physiology of the body.

6.  Lighten up on the junk food.  What you put into your body does matter.  The mind and body require nutrition to function properly.  Make sure you drink enough water to keep the system working effectively for you.

The choice is yours and yours alone. You CAN use your intellect to overcome any habitual feelings that fill you with sorrow, or anger, or empty you of any feelings at all.  It takes practice, but the effort will reap the rewards of peace and happiness. .

Again.  The choice is yours, and yours alone.  You can remain miserable and stressed out to the max.  You can infect all those around you or you can WORK at practicing new thoughts and new ways.

Take another breath and get started right now.  There is no time like the present.  Actually there is no time but the present!  Use it wisely.

Some people don’t even realize this is abuse is happening!

We all grew up believing that physical abuse was the thing that hurt the most but if you have ever experienced a verbally abusive relationship, you know that words can feel as though they are literally killing your soul.

Physical abuse, those sticks and stones, leave visible marks, the kind you can see and show someone else, so they understand what’s happening to you, what damage is being done to you. Abusive words don’t leave visible marks of any sort and their use can be so cunning and insidious that you’re damaged before you even realize what is being done to you. No scars, no marks, no visible signs of hurt to show someone, to ask for help.  This is a HUGE stressor for MEN and WOMEN both!

Verbal abusers pick their victims well and most of the time they keep the abuse behind closed doors with no witnesses. Their public persona is so totally different than the one they save for the one who bears the force of their cutting words. If anyone is going to look foolish or petty, it will be the victim who seeks help from family or friends who only experience the “good” side of the abuser.

Verbal abuse isn’t just shouting profanities; it is finding a sensitive spot and working on it. Joking about a tender subject and when the abused person reacts (as the abuser  expected) telling them that they “are too sensitive” or that they “need to grow up” or that they “are stupid” or some other negative put-down remark to further demean.

A person who has been verbally abused may believe they are worthless, not capable of the simplest tasks. When it comes from a parent, it is particularly devastating. Many times an abused child grows up and becomes the abuser, although they don’t necessarily recognize their actions as being abusive.

All relationships are going to have times of arguing and harsh words. That’s a normal part of a normal relationship. It leads to “kiss and make up” and the relationship continues on having cleared the air of issues that needed to be dealt with. Both partners say they’re sorry, they both admit to their mistakes. They apologize.

Abusers may apologize, although most don’t, but even with apologies they won’t stop the abuse. Even if they say they’re sorry, and most won’t, they aren’t sorry enough to stop the abuse.

IF ANY OF THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO YOU – SEEK HELP!  The stress of the verbal abuse is damaging enough, but if it continues, it will stress your body too!

If your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or family member is being abusive to you, are you willing to accept it knowing that your son or daughter will learn from you that abusive behavior is acceptable? Learn what you can do to break the legacy of abuse within your family. Get counseling for yourself and your children even if your spouse denies there is a problem.

Life is too short to spend it being verbally or otherwise abused.

Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming people in public. They treat their spouse or friends with such respect that people often think they “are the perfect couple.” They save their abuse and cruelty for a private audience, remember. Verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can, and sometimes does, turn physical.

Many abusers are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are subtle.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul

Many of us never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. MANY verbal abusers were abused themselves and do not even recognize what they are doing.

During the courtship period, everyone is on best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight (often not there temporarily). Since humans want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook some obvious verbal abuse. Individual chemistry and history adds to the capability some people have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry or move in together. And the abuse starts…

Verbal abuse can destroy confidence.

One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As one begins to internalize the criticism and believe it’s valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, and unlovable.  After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then “it must be true.”

Many people find themselves staying in place until verbal abuse has nearly destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.

The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion. The abuser can turn on the charm making people doubt their own instincts.

If the individual challenges the abuser, that person might turn on the charm making the instinct sink even further.  Children often believe they are the culprits and causing this behavior.

Some abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:

“What’s wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing.

“Come on, honey, I was drunk.”

“Honey, I love you but sometimes you cause this.”

“I had a bad day at work.”

“You’re not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old.”

“I was upset with my ex.”

“You know I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you–remember.”

If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your “charmer” and don’t offer belief or support. They think you are crazy not to marry this man.

Make plans to create a better environment for you.  Don’t stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.

Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can and sometimes does, turn physical.

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer ‘yes’ to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

Does your partner:

Ignore your feelings?

Disrespect you?

Ridicule or insult you then tell you it’s a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

Ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

Withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

Give you the silent treatment?

Walk away without answering you?

Criticize you, call you names, and yell at you?

Humiliate you privately or in public?

Roll his or her eyes when you talk?

Give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

Make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don’t feel well?

Seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won’t get?

Tell you that you are too sensitive?

Hurt you especially when you are down?

Seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

Present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

“Twist” your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

Try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

Complain about how badly you treat him or her?

Threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

Ever left you stranded?

Ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

Ever hit or pushed you, even “accidentally”?

Seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

Abuse something you love: a pet, a child, and an object?

Compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

Promise to never do something hurtful again?

Harass you about imagined affairs?

Manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, and break appliances?

Drive like a road-rage junkie?

Act immature and selfish; yet accuse you of those behaviors?

Question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

Interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

Make you feel like you can’t win? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

Use drugs and/or alcohol involved? Are things worse then?

Incite you to rage, which is  “proof” that you are to blame?

Try to convince you he or she is “right,” while you are “wrong?”

Frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

Treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

You express your opinions less and less freely.

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.

You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior.

You feel emotionally unsafe.

You feel it’s somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.

You hope things will change…especially through your love and understanding.

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

You doubt your own judgment.

You doubt your abilities.

You feel vulnerable and insecure.

You are becoming increasingly depressed.

You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

You have been or are afraid of your partner.

Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women’s shelter, educate yourself, and  seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!

DO NOT LET THE STRESS OF VERBAL ABUSE control your life any more!  If you think it will lessen, don’t be naive.  If you think it will go away, it won’t. Only you can STOP it!