After studying and teaching stress management for over thirty years, I have some simple but life altering techniques, observations and realizations.

We all have the power to transform the natural stress that comes from living into energy capable of improving our physical and spiritual health

Secret number one is that the essence of life is transformation. These simple words hold the key for changing your life for the better. Join me in transformation and see if it isn’t so.  These are thoughts for the day that can transform your life and the lives of others

Cherish your pets and the lives of all animals.  They are gifts to us and can be dear friends.

When someone asks for a donation, try to give with whatever you can – So many people have been left homeless-and we are not their judges; just their brothers and sisters.

Breathe deeply and mindfully.  Do it again!

Remember to look for all those blessings we take for granted.  The breeze in the trees, the sound of singing birds, the laughter of a child, these are all blessings we can enjoy!

Take a walk. Crunch leaves as they begin to fall from the trees. Watch the changing colors…it’s AWESOME.  Love!

Humble beginnings or wealth from the start, what truly matters are things of the heart.

Take your family for a walk, or just do something spontaneous for fun together.  Love deeply.

Don’t keep yourself in a prison.  Take a break from your electronics and refresh the memory of talking to a real human, or sitting in the sunshine!

Take a breath.  Stretch.  Smile.

Make a point of actually playing with your children while they are small. Catch a fish, catch a ball, and catch precious moments. We are only here for one short period of time.

Watch the sun rise as darkness lifts, watch the sunset.  How many times have you left to see the stars at night or revel in the full moon?  Not enough in a lifetime for me.

If you can’t leave – take a mental vacation.  Even if it’s just for a minute or two, visualize a favorite place.  Listen to the sounds of nature.  Take a breath and use your mind to renew your zest for life.

Cherish the earth.  It is our home.

Cherish your body.  It is the only place your Spirit has to live!

Don’t let the sour expressions or negative attitudes of people affect your day.

Let your light shine through and be grateful for small miracles.  Start a cycle of sharing smiles and positive thoughts.

Say a prayer kneeling, with head bent and a humble heart and God will tend to your needs.

Take a breath and exhale all your negative thoughts.  Create a wonderful weekend for you and those you love!

Every single thought listed on this post is a form of stress management!  Our thoughts guide our actions.  Our actions build our lives.  Make them “right” thoughts and “thoughtful” actions.  It is a choice!

You can do it!

It is a sign of our times when you can look into the dictionary and find “road rage” listed as a noun!   Road rage is defined in these terms: Violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving in difficult situations: aggression on the road, vehement behavior, hostile thoughts, ready to attack, overly assertive, force.

Don’t kid yourself.  You will see road rage if you travel over any holiday weekend; actually, any weekend these days.  Be prepared.

First you need to use your intellect.  Driving a vehicle is driving a potential DEADLY WEAPON.  Small vehicles can weigh as little as one thousand eight hundred and seventy five pounds.  SUV’s weigh from two thousand pounds to the sunny side of eight thousand pounds.  An eighteen-wheeler’s load weight limit is eighty thousand pounds.

Think about it.  If you drive a vehicle on the smaller end of the weight scale you are fodder for any “road rager” on the rampage!

From the mid-size vehicles right up to the trucks on the road, the weight alone can do deadly damage in an accident.

Here are a few thoughts to begin your transition from rage to peaceful defensive driving.

1.  The reason the DMV doesn’t issue driver’s licenses to children is because adults are supposed to be rational.  Road rage leaves that thought in the dust.  Be an adult.

2.   It has been proven, time after time, that no matter how you speed to where you are going, you will arrive at approximately the same time as the person who exhibits aggression and speeds.  You will arrive without incident and in a more peaceful manner if you don’t let your emotions override your intellect.

3.  If you insist on texting, holding and speaking on the cell phone, eating, reading, or applying make-up while driving, there is probably no hope for you, as you haven’t the intelligence to realize you put your life and the lives of others in great danger doing these things!  You are also increasing your stress level.  Slow down.  All these things will get done in good time.

If you ask now, “Well, what can I do to keep from raging, everyone is so rude and in a hurry?”

Here are a few suggestions that can begin to put YOU back in the driver’s seat (so to speak).

Take a few more minutes before getting into the car to make sure you have maps, lunch, and all the travel items you need, and think about your attitude.  This is supposed to be a weekend (time for R&R), or a holiday… a happy time.  Let that good time begin with you.

When the journey is on and someone ticks you off, first thing to do is to take a breath.  If you aren’t already in an accident because of the jerk’s actions, then consider that a blessing and take another breath.

Remember that when stressed out we stop breathing momentarily.  We need oxygen to function and think optimally.  You intake will calm you down and allow you to use your wit instead of being outwitted by anger and irrational thoughts.

Remember who is in the car with you.  Do you really want to take the chance of stealing their lives because you cannot control your anger?  I think not.

Take time to stop for a mini-break and let everyone get out and stretch and get a drink of water.  Being crunched up in the car cuts off your oxygen supply and when you straighten up and stretch just for a minute or so, you will regenerate and feel better.  Those mini-breaks can be life saving.

Don’t allow someone else’s impatience CHANGE YOU.  This is your time, your trip.  Try thinking this:  “This guy must be miserable.  On a trip and acting like an idiot!  I’m here to enjoy myself and he is not going to take that away from me.”

Even if you have to be polite J, move over.  Let the jerk by and don’t let him have your life-mentally or perhaps physically by pushing you into irrational behavior.

If you get stuck in a traffic jam wiggle your fingers and toes, take a breath, bend your neck from side to side to stretch it.  If you are stopped, blink your eyes several times as it will help them to relax a bit.

Talk to yourself.  Talk to your family.  Sing.  Tell jokes. Laughter always relaxes the mood.

It’s all a matter of THINKING for just that moment before you get out of control.  To help you think, USE YOUR OXYGEN, you oxygen machine!

Remember that if you react sometimes it will prove extremely dangerous.  I actually flipped the folks off in a car off that passed me, and nearly caused me to have an accident.  I didn’t even think they could see me.  Wrong.

It was a car of gang-bangers. They slowed down and began to taunt me.  I was lucky.  I knew the freeway well and when I came to an exit that I knew they couldn’t backtrack and find me, I didn’t signal and make tracks to get away.  For all I DIDN’T know, they could have been armed.  It was scary.

Take a breath.  Have a fantastic weekend or holiday and BE SAFE!   Actually have a better day ANY DAY when you are behind the wheel.  Better late than dead.

If you’ve ever been there you know innately – it’s a Scary Place!

Do you think this isn’t stressful?  No – you KNOW it is.

Jealousy will eat you alive like a flesh eating virus.  It will begin in your mind moving swiftly through your body until you feel “different” all over your body.

That is your body reacting to your thoughts and following what you designate in your mind.  Any scenario that involves two humans that love, or have loved at one time.

You burn up from the inside out if you allow raging doubts of another woman / or man looking eye to eye with another; or even not looking openly-but secretly .  The look between two people in love or lust.

If you’ve ever been on the brutal side of a whip you know that heals.  But if you don’t allow brusied thoughts to turn you sour, you win.  Peace returns.  It doesn’t matter.  It is what is it anyway that is so burned into your memory.  No “take backs”. Shed the excess and begin again with purity in heart and in thought; no judgments.

Change happens every second to every human being on the planet.  A miniscule change pulls together and strengthens with the specific energy that is expelled from your mind and body.

We need to accelerate our minds to optimum thoughts.  Jealous thoughts are dead thought.  They go nowhere.  They don’t change what happened / or what you feel will happen.

Drop it.  Stop over-thinking it all. You don’t have control over ANYTHING except your response to life.  Overcome jealousy and learn to trust.  It’s either worthy or ultimately you will find out it’s not.  Don’t be jealous and drive someone away before you have reason!

Pain / Stress / Forgiveness = closely related feelings.  Both physical and mental pain are intrinsic, contained wholly within the human intellect and spiritual nature.  You all have more within you, powers yet untapped or realized.

Humans gifts often go to the grave with people not using their gifts or even recognizing them simply because the world has told them they aren’t up to the job.  You are up to it! You have to FIND, and DRAW, from that power within; the untapped reservoir of all the characteristics and strength you dreamed you would have.   Perhaps someone told you that you would fail or that you had no hope to accomplish anything in this lifetime. They were wrong and you know it innately.

Dealing with words wrongly spoken is a huge stress to handle.  So if it’s happened to you, just draw in a slow breath, wait a few seconds, and exhale fully through the mouth.

(In case you don’t know how to breathe for YOUR benefit, here it is – short and sweet – and life enhancing any time you choose to use it!)

“ Deep Breathing is the simplest and most important form of stress reduction. Most people breathe only from their upper diaphragm. This is not the way we were intended to breathe. We are particularly prone to breathe incorrectly when stressed, by taking quick and shallow breaths. The exaggerated form of this is hyperventilating, which some people do when experiencing an anxiety or panic attack. The proper way to breathe is to inhale deeply from the abdomen. You should be able to feel your lungs fill up with air as you inhale. If you do not breathe from the solar plexus, you are not getting enough oxygen. You may think that it looks better to hold your stomach in but you are losing out on vital oxygenation of the body. Deep breathing is a very quick way to release tension, particularly noticeable in the neck, shoulders and head (headache).

Stand any place and inhale deeply so that you feel the air expand in the lower part of your abdomen and your stomach extend out. Hold the breath as long as it is comfortable and then exhale slowly…”

Rachael Collins

02 April 2009

—————————————–

Pain is a unique experience.  Pain can put a halt to any activity your may want to do.  It can stop you from every dream in your life.  If you can’t play, walk, move, sleep soundly, or think and concentrate, you are being robbed of your life.  It’s time to change things around!

Pain that you “think you can’t make go away” can, overcome you, and can change the way you feel about yourself and others.  It can destroy relationships and lives.  The secret to managing your pain is first to unleash all the anger you have for so many things. You have suffered enough.  You have been mad at others and circumstances long enough! Don’t dwell on the past ONE MORE MOMENT!

As you inhale think:  I am empowered

As you exhale think:  I forgive others and myself

As you inhale think:  I am wonderful and can make things better

As you exhale think:  No more negativity.  No more useless anger

As long as you are alive you have the capacity to change.  “Why should I change?”, you may ask.  If you are able to manage your stress, happy, love your life and yourself, no need to change.  Otherwise, think about it.

A person’s description of pain — where it is, when it starts, what helps to relieve it — are key to understanding pain. Only the person with pain knows exactly what it is like, whether mental or physical.

That is exactly why ONLY YOU can figure out where you go from here.  Let go of the need to control and stress will drift from you like the wave retreating into the fold of the ocean.

Make sure you get a good night’s sleep.  Set the stage and when you first are laying down, breath again, with thoughts than enhance you, and enfold you into a sweet slumber. When you are well-rested, you have more energy to get well, to enjoy life, and to do the things that are important to you

Get started now.  Breathe.  Let go of anger and sorrow.  Forgive others errors.  Forgive yourself.  These are major steps towards learning to manage your stress and live a more wonderful and peaceful life.

Seek other help for stress if need be, once you get started with these simple exercises of intellect.  Try yoga.  Walk with a friend.  Sign up for classes or other online help.  CREATE YOUR LIFE!

If you have been stressing lately about the amount of alcohol you are consuming, or if you find yourself drinking when no one else knows, you had better start right away to make some BIG changes or you are HEADED DIRECTLY IN THE PATH OF A FREIGHT TRAIN!  This is not a joke.

Even if you think you are in control and just have a drink or two when no one is around – YOU’VE ALREADY GOT A PROBLEM.  If you have the “need” for a drink this warning is as serious as stopping at a red light in major city traffic.  You are headed the wrong way on a one-way street.

You can lie to yourself, justify your drinking, or just say it’s no one’s business – but this writer speaks from personal experience on both sides of the fence….the drinker, and the one who suffered the effects of living with a drinker.  This is serious business. It cannot be stressed enough. If you continue your stress level will increase.

If you think having a drink takes the edge off for a while, you are kidding yourself.  It’s like any drug only more insidious.

Ultimately you’ll need more to get the same feeling.  This drug causes much more damage than others because it is legal and so readily available.

Ever have a blackout?  Ever gotten angry when drinking?  Have you ever said or done something you wish you hadn’t?  Ever thought about what it costs to continue the habit?  Have you lost your family and / or the respect and love of friends?  Ever hidden a bottle or lied about your drinking?

Most people with a problem (possibly unrecognized, as yet) have experienced at least one or two of these scenarios.

No matter what the scenario – married, divorced, children, partnering with someone, or alone – overindulgence of alcohol can not only RUIN your life and the lives – it is a spirit, intellect, and health killer!

The problem is that alcohol has been advertised to be “socially acceptable”, a way to take the “edge off”, and a way to find your “confidence”, some profess true feelings come out, or that it is one of the best legal ways to party hearty.

DON’T FORGET WHO IS ADVERTISING:  big business, politicians who have there hands out, and people who are in the middle of the struggle and don’t want to drink alone.

Those are NOT very good recommendations!  If you are a parent and you love your children SEEK HELP NOW.  There is no shame in it.  From grade school to the elderly, America is fighting the battle with alcohol.  It takes courage to make this move, but you won’t loose everything ultimately, if you do something now!

If you don’t care about yourself enough, yet, think what you are possibly doing to someone else because of your drinking.

Alcohol stress for the NON-DRINKERS

This is a true story about a little girl who deals with the effects of alcohol EVERY DAY of her young life.

This is what a child should be worrying about (boy or girl) -  “Is there enough bread to feed all the geese?”

————————————-

McKenna was nine years old the day I met her.  I rounded the corner while taking my energetic puppy for a promised walk.  I walked a few yards and noticed a little girl across the street on her bike.  Her outfit was pink and her hair red. Not the kind of red that reminds you of a fire truck.  It was a soft red, almost  light pink.  It was cut in a cute bouncy style.

I introduced her to my dog so they could become friends.  She was “sparkly”.  Funny, that’s the only word that comes to mind.

She has dreams.  She sings.  I asked if she was good and she was modest and said “Some people think I’m good when they hear me.”  I asked if she thought she was good and said it wouldn’t be conceited to tell me.  She told me she thought she was good – but with purity and no diva attitude.

She asked if she could sing for me and I said yes.  When she started she was a little nervous, but she got more relaxed and belted out a very nice rendition of the song she was singing.

She was actually very good and I told her I enjoyed her singing.

Then out of a clear blue sky she told me this:

“My dad’s an alcoholic.  I know he loves me, but alcohol took my dad away.  I’ve known it since I was five.  He never keeps his promises to us and my mom warned me to let me know if he crushed my heart some time along the way.”

My heartbeat quickened.  I knew if I allowed the tears in my eyes to express themselves, it wouldn’t be right, or helpful for McKenna, this beautiful nine year old.  I could feel her genuine pain.

She was however, mature beyond her years and ready to understand and forgive.  I explained some things about addiction and she listened hard.

She rode her bike next to us all the way to her boundry.  I turned around and backtracked because she was so hungry to talk about it.  She has lived on this planet only nine years and is already suffering the pain living with someone who is an alcoholic brings.

She asked me if I would walk that way again and I said I would love to see you again.  She hugged me and we waved good-by.

————————-

McKenna’s pain has only begun.  Times will get harder.  I can pray for her and be her friend.  A child shouldn’t have to feel this way!

Know this:  just because you may not be an “alcoholic” (you may not even know you could be) – and you think you are just a social drinker, be sure to plant a seed in your mind to monitor your habits.

As creatures of habit we get into the “habit” of things easily; they are harder to break.  Remember alcohol is a seductive and sneaky drug that at some point can creep up on you and rule your life!

Don’t wind up like the man I saw laying on the side of the road, sleeping under cardboard.  His shoes were off and I couldn’t see his face, but I could see the empty bottle of bourbon next to him.  Head towards the path a friend of mine went down.  He actually made a decision to quit all on his own.  He had been in jail, almost lost his family, and knew he had to do something.   He quit cold turkey and has not had a drink in twenty-five years.  His life is wonderful now and he has no regrets.

Don’t think your children aren’t watching.  They see and hear more than you think.  Don’t forget the statistics of high school and college age students who have DIED from alcohol poisoning is on the rise.  Don’t forget alcohol may seem to take you up temporarily, but as it wears off it becomes a depressant!

Now What Do I Do?

First of all, take a breath.  Before ANY fearful or major happening in your life, USE MINDFUL OXYGEN. It will help relax you and empower you.  Refer to earlier posts if you are not familiar with breathing techniques as there are a few on line practices on this website.  No charge, of course.

Seek help.  If you are hiding alcohol, have been drunk this week, or can relate to any of the scenarios above:  PLEASE SEEK HELP.

Most communities have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and Alanon (for those suffering from the actions of alcoholics).  Look online for help and websites offering more suggestions.

Contact a church, a family member or friends…there is help available and there is NO SHAME in asking for help.  There is hope in it!

Don’t leave your spirit in an empty bottle of alcohol.  The choice is yours and yours alone.

California Poppy

Take a breath and enjoy these moments of your life!  When you are lonely or bored it is the perfect time to find a place to lay down, put on some gentle music (without words),  and begin to practice your breathing.

Inhale through the nose slowly and think:  “This is the breath of life.  It will make me feel better.”

As you exhale through the mouth think: “Everything changes and I exhale my negative thoughts to make room for better ones.”

Repeat this slow and mindful breathing and you will begin to relax.  It is the way this wonderful oxygen machine works.  Let

the negative feelings leave you with each exhalation.  With each inhalation breathe in hope and positive thoughts.

Change your mind and you change your life!  Love and blessings to you.

Men, you  have a world of demands this life puts upon you every day too!  There is no doubt about that.  Today’s economy has played hell with hard working middle class men.

It has touched all levels of income, but for the average American, is proving to be fatal (for some), and for others , debilitating temporarily.  There is a quiet strength and regenerating ability within men, often lost in the shuffle of providing the almighty dollar, but it is there.

For the blue-collar  (another catch phrase) workers, the times have never been as difficult since the Great Depression.  The white-collar worker has been designated to be office workers, professionals, managerial, and administrative positions.  Many of those workers typically wear shirts with white collars.

Those working in factories or doing any type of manual labor are dubbed blue-collar workers, as when this catch phrase was born, they wore blue collars (at least they were in past days).

With two million people out of work currently, men are dealing with, not only being the wage earners, but many have been laid off and are now trying to figure out how to survive.

So, men, take a breath!  It has never been more important for you to learn something so readily available, and so lifesaving.

When you are ready to blow a gasket and shoot arrows at someone who may NOT really be the target – TAKE A BREATH!

You body will respond by calming down and getting enough oxygen to the brain to think and respond rather than blowup and react.  Please if you haven’t used your oxygen in a mindful way – learn now.  It might save your job, your marriage, or any number of relationships.  THIS IS THE WAY YOUR OXYGEN MACHINE WORKS.

These are stressful times.  Now is the time you need to use your oxygen for your oxygen machine.  Realize, too, that no matter how bleak things look right now, the old saying “this too shall pass” is correct.

For those who have been laid off work keep in mind this has nothing to do with you.  It has to do with the money god and those people in charge.  Life is so not fair right now, but here is a tip about women that might help.

If you handle your “life” as it is, with a calmer demeanor and more positive hopeful thoughts, your woman will almost always stand with you and hope for better times.  Though most of the world feel American women are spoiled, I have known many women over the years that would deal with sacrificing material possessions if necessary, without a whimper, if their man is willing to talk about problems.  Be gentle with your children as they are the innocents – no matter how irritating you may feel when you are tired and down.

Don’t give up, and don’t quit looking, as you never know what may be just around the corner.  Hope will show on your face.  Keep in mind that you can only do the best that you can do, and accept it.  If you have to suck it up and take less money, or tighten the budget strings, talk with your partner, there are ways to do this with less sting if you work together.

Don’t fall into the “bottle” or increase your smoking because of these hard times.  These things will only exacerbate the problems. Use your oxygen.

You’ve done nothing wrong and no one is questioning your   manhood, that is not in question, but if you give up hope, your future will look much bleaker and hard times will increase.

So chin up, and load up on the “free” stuff – your oxygen supply.  When stress enters humans become shallow breathers, thereby cutting off oxygen to the body and mind when it is needed the most.

Inhale slowly through the nose.  Pull in a positive thought such as “it will be okay”.  Exhale through the mouth and push out negativity-watch it, in your mind flying out your mouth and into oblivion.

Do this whenever you feel you are edging towards panic or out of control stress.

—————————————————–

A person who has been drinking heavily promises to quit and does it easily  (It can happen, but rarely)

Abnormally unruly behavior, agitation about things about

Very defensive about alcoho

Working late; loosing money, unexplained expense

Bruises on children for no reason

Someone tells you, “You are blowing things out of perspective”

Lies

Blaming you or something you said or did on excessive drink

Drinking moderately, then the drinking accelerates to drunkenness and when the binge is through, subsides again temporarily

Someone says: “It was an accident I hurt you.”

————————————————–

If you do then you, or you may know someone, may have a serious problem with alcohol.  By definition alcoholism is:  “A condition that results in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, despite health problems and negative social consequences. Habitual intoxication (not necessarily every day) or a prolonged and excessive intake of alcoholic drinks that leads to a breakdown in health and an addiction to alcohol; an intense persistent desire to drink alcoholic beverages to excess regardless of the consequences. ”

Abuse is: “To use wrongly or improperly; misuse.  To hurt or injure by maltreatment; to force verbal or physical violent or sexual acts upon a person…”

—————————————————–

Put the two words together and you have a dangerous and a   potentially explosive scenario brewing.  This writer is not posting from simply an educational background.  Though alcohol is legal and socially acceptable, it is one of the most dangerous and insidious drugs available to mankind.

Alcohol abuse has wracked havoc on more lives and homes, caused more automobile deaths, and violence, than any other drug known to mankind. This is not only because it is legal and socially acceptable, but because of it’s subtle grasping of one’s intellect and spirit. It causes emotional treachery, blackouts (which are can be critically dangerous) and hangovers in the form of headaches and queasy stomach aches.  STRESS is magnified after drinking for the drinker, and ALL THE TIME for those enduring the alcoholic’s bouts.

Habitual drinkers like to drink. They like the taste of alcohol.  For some people alcohol seems to “kill the pain”, or “take the edge off the day’s stresses”.  For others it may be a social habit or just something that began because of the insistence of others.   Many people actually believe your “true” feelings come to light when you drink alcohol-a fallacy.

What can you do?

First of all, remember that your children are very susceptible and watch and hear everything that happens in the household. This can, in time, lead to emotional, behavioral and mental scars.

Take a breath and calm down.  Talking to someone who is drunk is useless and dangerous.  Do not do this as you may find yourself in trouble.  Do not confront a drunk.  If you are in danger find a way to excuse yourself calmly.

There is tons of material available on the web to guide you to help and resources.  Use it.

If you can talk to your partner, do it at a time no alcohol is involved, and remember most alcoholics will be defensive.

Perhaps you can discuss the possibility of re-hab.  If you can work together – good – just remember there is no quick fix.

If you cannot talk to the person, and danger is involved, consider a planned, orchestrated and organized confrontation.

You (and your family or friends) confront the alcoholic about their problem and tell them the damage they area causing themselves and the family.  Be firm and let them know unless they get treatment, there will be consequences in their future and current relationships.

Consider going to Alanon. It is a wonderful support group for family and friends of alcoholics. Try one of their meetings – you won’t be sorry.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, make haste in attending to this problem before the circumstances of your life, or the lives of someone dear to you turns terribly wrong, and an impending disaster occurs.  Do it now!

There are unexpected horror stories happening right now because of the high unemployment rate in our nation.  In February alone the number of job losses (reported) is over thirty-five thousand.  It is disheartening, to say the least, to be unemployed and not be able to support yourself or a family. This is particularly true for families with children, or with only one member of the family in the work force.

Not only is it stressful because of the financial problems that are accruing, it is devastating to many relationships. Today there are many citizens who have worked all their lives and have now been unemployed, not by choice, for months.  There are a growing number of people who have also just given up, and that number isn’t even counted in the unemployment monthly figures.

After a few months of unemployment there rises a feeling of detachment to the work force. As the period of time extends   the less current the resume becomes, and the potential for a possible loss of skills can occur.

For the unemployed person there is added worry about how the bills will be paid, often boredom with too much free time, a hit to the ego, and the ever-present luring nature of having a drink to “take off the edge”. The seductive nature of alcohol is a real temptation (after all it is social and legal).  It is also easy to have a second drink because “the first one made you feel so good”. Then you think, ” perhaps another just to be social”. The ball is rolling now.

Be careful, alcohol can run you down and kill your relationships, family, and even the potential to ever work again.  Motivation is lacking with those who drink regularly – except the motivation to get another drink. Good men (and women) can get caught up in this downward spiral.  It happens all the time!

Alcohol is a VERY DANGEROUS drug. Like any drug, it has a cumulative draw.  Too much alcohol and lies are congruent.  If a person has a blackout there is a huge danger of total ruination, because of actions you can’t remember, the possibility of driving under the influence, and often times, violence.

You don’t want the unemployed person, or yourself, to have to drink and get into that “fake world” where everyone is your best friend, and you all tell each other how great you are, just to regain some confidence.  That doesn’t even take into consideration the cost of the alcohol.  These days two drinks is the same cost as if you went to the store and bought a bottle!

These truths aren’t meant to freak anyone out, but to simply elevate awareness of potential problems.  We are ALL FLAWED human beings the need to be cognizant of the pitfalls and dangers that face so many people are real. It is important for you to be on your toes if “things” seem to be changing.

Be supportive and do understand it’s tough right now.  It does not help in most situations to point out how many other people are in similar situations.  A person who has been gainfully employed can only stay home so long (particularly with children) before “stir crazy” and “cabin fever” manifest.

Remember, too, particularly a man, may not want to share his insecurity, his concern, or his feelings of failure.  As an example of how tough it is right now, there are fifty-one candidates for every one position available in construction!  That is staggering.

If you have a genetic connection to alcohol someone with alcoholic tendencies, be aware. Also, for those who simply fall into the pit by circumstance, keep the risks in mind. They are real.

So what can you really do?

1.  The first key to stress management will always be learning to use your oxygen to calm yourself down.  You will not “react” but “respond” with intellect if you slow down to breathe.  When you concentrate on your breath you will be leaving your problems for a short time.  You can only think of one thing at a time.

2.  If you are the person unemployed, listen to your mate or partner.  Really listen.  Some things they say may seem unfair to you, but be mature enough to know what is true, and work on the problems.

3.  If you are the mate or partner of the person unemployed, be patient.  Share your feelings without tearing down the other person.  Use your intellect and recognize the difference between someone who is really trying, and someone who is not.

3.  Remember fighting will not resolve anything.  It will only exacerbate the problem.  Again, use your oxygen before opening your mouth!  Don’t yell.  Everyone concerned is frustrated.

4.  Have a “production” meeting and make notes as to possible job opportunities or alternate choices that may work.

5.  STAY FLEXIBLE.  There are no guarantees of what will happen in the next moment.  The only guarantee you have is that if you turn sour or negative, you will definitely ruin your

Anger is defined as strong emotions:  wrath, aggravation, being annoyed, bothered, exasperated, furious, irritated, outraged, and antagonized.  If you are reading this there is a reason.  Please take a few slow breaths of oxygen as you continue.  Inhale slowly and exhale slowly.  You are on the right path.

The emotions, INCLUDING “a sense of injury” and a desire to retaliate, (which are sometimes disguised, even to the individual who is angry) can be dangerous emotions.   You can be almost out of control.  It happens to millions of people. However, if anger is left unmanaged, the anger can escalate to violence, and the loss of control for one moment, has the potential to destroy your life and perhaps someone else’s!  This is not an exaggeration. Statistics are a witness to acts of violence and the consequences paid.

If you feel your anger is tipping the scales, please answer the follow questions honestly.

1.  What does anger REALLY resolve?

2.  Do you REALLY want to devastate your body chemistry?

3.  Do you REALLY have good reason to hurt family, friends, and peers?

4.  Can you think of more appropriate ways to handle the situations?

5.  Is your anger REALLY aimed at someone else, or is it yourself?

Fact: Anger does not resolve anything. When you feel angry leave the room.  Go to someplace alone and do two things.  Take for to five deep breaths slowly and exhale slowly.  This concentrating on getting increased oxygen will divert your attention from the problem, for the moment.  It actually has a calming effect on your mind and body.

Fact:  When you are angry just once in a while, though the chemicals in your body are thrown into an abnormal state, the damage is not permanent.  When you get angry all the time you actually are setting yourself up for disaster, both physically, and mentally.

Fact:  While breathing to calm down, say a short prayer, or mantra several times.  Examples:  “God please help me to calm down.” or “I feel calm now.”  Say whatever you choose to help several times.

Fact:  Your angry words can cut like a knife and ultimately are capable of destroying any relationship.  Angry words lead to angry actions.  Since we are creatures of habit, if you ALLOW this anger to control you, you are jeopardizing everyone in your circle of life – including you!  Heart attacks have happened because of this negative habit!

There are better ways to handle tough scenarios.  Take a time out for finding your intellect instead of relying on emotions.  Walk away.  Seek counseling.

Have a family meeting and set rules.  There is always a better way than “lack of self-control.”

Fact:   Think of this.  Sometimes your anger may actually be misguided frustration in handling a situation that is either out of your control, or out of the realm of you actually knowing what to do.  It happens!  Anger at one’s self can be twisted and manifest as anger to another.

If you have a child, you may have felt anger when you couldn’t locate the child for a time.  Perhaps he or she was only playing somewhere out of your sight, but by the time you discovered the child your pent up WORRY had turned into anger; actually kind of a retaliation towards the child for your discomfort.

There are reasons to be angry, but do not let the anger destroy your life and ruin the lives of the people around you.  There are men and women in prison for the rest of their lives for that moment of anger that was mismanaged.

Exercise your brain to think of a way to get out of this useless “anger pit” before you dig your way into a grave.  PRACTICE new thoughts.  Even if you don’t feel satisfied at first, you must continue to try to create more positive brain cells.  If you must, take a pillow and beat it!  Get a punching bag and use it until you are exhausted, and calmer.  Go for a run.  There are alternatives to anger.

PLEASE – IF YOU NEED HELP – AND YOU KNOW IT INNATELY – GET HELP BEFORE IT ESCALATES!  There are anger management classes, social service organizations, and many other places to seek help.  Talk to someone at a church.  There is help available.

Right now:  take in a slow, deep breath (through the nose).  Hold it a few seconds remembering this will physically help to calm you down.  Exhale (through the mouth) and visualize that anger subsiding as you get rid of the carbon dioxide.  Do this again slowly.  YOUR MIND AND BODY WILL RESPOND WITH A CALMER YOU, CAPABLE OF RESPONDING AND NOT REACTING.

Anger out of control can lead to violence.  Violence can lead to irreparable damage.  In many cases anger can, and has been a straight path to jail!  Think about it and see help now if you feel out of control rage.  PLEASE!