Stress Management Magic

There is NO return policy, so it might be best to learn to manage the stress that child rearing will bring into your life!

The Plus Side

Not all of the stress that comes into your life when you begin parenting is bad, make no mistake about that, there will be memorable moments for the rest of your life.  It is the toughest job you’ll ever have; it is also the sweetest, and can be freckled with fun and laughter.

The Best Medicine

Laughter is one of the best ways to release stress and feel good.  The chemicals released in the body through laughter reduce pain and tension.  So there is probably no substitute for finding ways to have fun and to laugh with children

Children keep you young.  They remind adults of the “innocence” we all once knew. Their actions have not yet been stuffed into a rigid format, and their honest appraisal of things, as their vocabulary grows, will keep you smiling, and maybe once in a while, cringing.  It is always a “challenge”.

There is no need to be depressed or anxious.  YOU ARE UP TO THE TASK!

Physical Endurance

The physical factor about child rearing is we do get physically stronger from the day we carry that little bundle of joy home.  Carrying a child, extra groceries, diapers, baby equipment, and all the extra do-dads we get to help our children, will also mean extra carrying, extra cleaning, and extra hours filling the needs of children.

Though you may be tired initially, you will get used to the schedule. Before you know it your body will grow stronger and your resilience better.

The Magic

Help yourself AND your children to calm down and relax.  Don’t forget the children will share your stress and the way you manage it. Don’t yell and scream, or break down and cry in front of your children.  They will take it personally, and even if the incident was initiated by their actions, children’s self-esteem for a lifetime is at risk here, as they go through their childhood years. You love them and you are their guardians and mentors.

Work on preventative techniques by letting them learn the very same techniques you are working on for yourself!  Teach them to breath and stretch, and make it fun!

Hyperactive and/or impulsive children, in particular, gain the most from learning techniques that relax their minds and bodies, recognize their internal feelings, and release inner tension.

Relaxation strategies empower children with a feeling of peace and self-control.  Do breathing exercises with your younger children and they will see it as a game and having fun together.

Find a meditation or yoga class and encourage your older children to participate with you.  Many parents already know breathing techniques and the positive effects of controlled breathing through Lamaze or other natural-childbirth classes.

Controlled conscious breathing has the benefit of relaxing muscles and reducing stress.  Many believe it is useful in the management, perhaps cure of some physical ailments and disease.

Help your child to learn to take conscious, deep breaths to relax. Show him/her how to inhale deeply (preferably through the nose, but through the mouth ins fine) and slowly exhale through the mouth.

Teach you child to isolate different body parts and relax them with each slow breath inhaled.  For example, while lying on the floor, instruct the child to tighten or squeeze toes on the left foot, then relax with a deep breath.

Now tighten the left knee and upper leg, and then relax and breathe.  Proceed in this manner to the right side.  Have them then relax by breathing.  Proceed in this fashion to the lower body, to the abdomen and upper body, each arm, hand/fingers, chest, neck, jaws and face.

This is particularly helpful for children to recognize that when they are angry, stressed, or nervous (even about taking a test or performing in a school program), they will recognize the tightening of certain body parts.

If they recognize when fists clench, jaws tighten, and stomachs harden, they have power over their bodies to relax and gain control.

They can consider using their oxygen a “secret weapon” – and it is!  They can breathe deeply and “send” their breaths consciously to relax body parts.  By sending the breaths to a hand, for instance, the child can silently prompt the hand to relax the grip.  Tell the child when the body is relaxed it is easier to think and plan!

Before any “stress” the child might be facing, AND IT’S EASY TO FORGET THEY HAVE STRESSES, INCLUDING YOUR REACTIONS, they can use their secret weapon to calm themselves!  Let them know their brains need fifty percent more oxygen to think well…and the breathing will help them be calmer and wiser for tests!  It’s true.

Hence, as your children learn stress management techniques, it will help them throughout their entire lives, and it will also help you because they will be calmer and more aware of their own body powers.  Children are ripe to learn, and what could be a better gift for the children and the parents than to learn to empower themselves and find peace in this day and age.  They

will also find extra self-esteem in their accomplishments!

Lastly, remember, make it fun, and keep in mind REPETITION is the mother of all learning.  Help all the family together!

It doesn’t matter how “warm and fuzzy” you feel towards your children, when they reach pre-teen and teenage years, you will begin to feel the stress mount.

These are the times you children will begin to spread their wings and hone their skills for adulthood.  These are the times they will begin to voice strong opinions and do seemingly arrogant acts of defiance.

Remember these things come with the territory and are natural.  Many times what “appears” to be open resistance to your rules are just a natural spurt of independence, perhaps not performed as optimally you would hope for, but nonetheless, this will happen.

First in the line of defense (for your own intellect and calmness in the situation) – use your secret weapon. Begin breathing deeply and slowly and exhaling in the same manner.  This will calm you and help your brain to get the oxygen for a better response.  Being reminded of our gift of breathing is not a bad thing.  The more you are reminded, and use the gift, the more effectively you will handle the myriad of scenarios that will come.

Parents can make a huge difference in providing guidance and support for their teens.  At times it may not seem like your teen wants you around, and he or she may not all the time, but your child really does need you and knows you care.

Try to spend positive times together.  It’s impossible to love your teen too much.  Try to stay close and warm.  Remember to say, “I love you”.

Of course you have to set limits and structure.  You have to be clear in communication and let the teen know what you expect.  Rules and expectations should change throughout your child’s life, but all children need boundaries, discipline and love – and in that order.

One of the most important things is to be consistent.  Be consistent with your partner, and be consistent if you are alone.  Mixed messages can lead to frustration for parents and children.  The children need consistency to help them to learn to structure their lives.

Try to stay involved in your teen’s life.  Ask questions about school, schoolwork, and friends.  Attend your teen’s extracurricular activities.  Whether they say so or not, they NEED to know you are just as interested in them now as when they were younger.  Meet families of those teens that spend a large portion with your teens.

Explain yourself with discussion – not with yelling and abusive language.  Discuss the reasons for your rules and what consequences they may face for not following them.  Respect your teen and the teen will respect you.

TRY WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT not to use HARSH discipline.  Harsh discipline includes yelling, slapping, hitting, and belittling.  If the situation is volatile, take a “break” and each of you pull yourself together and calm down for a while.  Words cut like a knife and you don’t want to regret your years down the road.  Besides, impulsive or reactive behavior just instigates a negative response from your teen and nothing will get accomplished.

Pick your arguments.  There will be many opportunities to disagree, but unless the scenario is life-threatening or really may be a danger to your child, remember they do need to do a certain amount of decision making that is positive and empowering to them.

Your teen is changing.  Physically, emotionally and cognitively, your teen is preparing for life as an adult in a difficult and trying world.  Be patient.  In the long run you will be glad you did.

Keep in mind, these youngsters are experiencing the most stress thus far in their young lives.  Try to be empathetic and remember how difficult it was!

If you need to get help, look for resources locally, and on line.

If you do these things your life and the life of your teen will be one hundred percent better!  Be on the teen’s side from an adult view, not another stumbling block in the path of their maturing.  Remember how much you loved them before this age and still do!

Take a breath and remember:” This too shall pass”.

Stress “Unmanaged” Will cause violence in a staggering number of people. It is almost inevitable!

Whether we choose to believe it or not, stress unmanaged will ultimately cause violence in many people.  Domestic violence, abuse towards children, intimate partners, (regardless of gender) and the elderly is on the rise.

Stress unmanaged can change of the body chemistry and can do can do infinite damage to credible brain function management. Anger causes words to cut to the heart, and actions to damage the recipient for his or her entire life in many circumstances.

Don’t be fooled.  Don’t be naïve.

There is a boiling point for water and for human emotions.  Whether the water stays in the pot or boils over, ultimately that, which is in the circumference of the pot, can be damaged or ruined entirely. .

Such is it with human behavior. Consequences of unmanaged stresses inflict suffering and can be life threatening.

Family conflicts are usually the result of stresses created in dysfunctional families.  Low levels of family conflict are warning signs for families that they are at risk of much greater abuse.  Any family member may intentionally or unintentionally contribute to the escalation of violence.

Stress is often created by feelings of hopelessness and or helplessness.  Other things that add to that could be excessive work hours, financial strain, and alcohol or drug abuse.

Personality disorders and/or early traumatic life experiences often predispose people to use violence in their own family relationships as adults.

Arguments created by stress can escalate.  Spontaneous arguments can lead to threats or actual physical assaults…without specific patterns, but they almost invariably escalate to more serious and injurious physical assaults.

We like to think “things” will resolve, or time will pass to “make it better”. For those individuals with particular personality traits or particular body chemistry, the danger lurks in close proximity to all who are near.

If YOU or someone near you is within the perimeters of this description, do something! Whether it be finding counsel (and if it is for YOU – please – do it now!) or just talking with family to consider action.

SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE IMMEDIATELY>not just for the individual, but also for all who may tread in the same path, either by coincidence, or choice.

It YOU one of the people referred to in the paragraphs above, PLEASE take a slow breathe now in though the nose.  Now exhale slowly through the mouth.  Please do it again several times.

The added oxygen will calm you and help you to think more rationally, and remember, you have already taken the first step towards helping yourself by searching the Internet!  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  Connect with someone – perhaps a local group that deals with anger management.  Take time for yourself – you can’t afford not to do so!

If you are totally overwhelmed and need help and don’t know who to turn to you can email:  mo@jett.net.You are not alone.

The benefits we experience when pets are in close proximity to us are really not recognized fully by most of us.  There is a powerful human-animal connection that is only now being fully recognized.

There have been many workshops held on the benefits of owning pets.  There were just a few scientific papers available on the subject a few years ago, though snow studies have revealed that pets boost survival rates for coronary care unit patients. That was an eye-opening finding.

People have known the healing effect for centuries, but recently new data on the role of chemistry in the relationship has been revealed.

When a person interacts with a pet, the central nervous system releases several hormones that cause feelings of pleasure.  One hormone in particular, oxytocin, seems to play a major role in reinforcing this bond.

The hormone creates a sense of warmth, nurturing and calm.  Simply petting dogs releases the same chemical in both humans and the animals!  Researchers know this with certainty, but are not clear as to how two species can produce feelings of peace, closeness and contentment in each other.

What is clear is the fact that this bonding is very helpful in managing stress of almost any kind.

Animals (particularly dogs) give unconditional love.  It doesn’t matter if the owner yells, or is unkempt, or even doesn’t offer the best care to the animal.  All the animal wants is love and approval by their owner.  They accept their owners and companions without qualification.  An animal’s acceptance

is nonjudgmental and forgiving. They don’t play psychological games people sometimes play.  They accept you the way you are.

Pet ownership particularly helps children to learn to read body language.  The experiences children have with their pets later develop into relationships with people, and actually helps develop more empathy for others.

Children who are fortunate to have a pet learn nurturing skills, and the responsibilities that come with it. They also have in store for them lots of fun to share with a new pet.

Over eons it is well established that touch is very important for the nourishment for our spirits and minds.  Sometimes people who have been neglected find it difficult to accept touch from other humans.  The relationship with animals, simply the act of petting a dog, can create feelings of security and warmth; feelings of love without demands humans often desire.

In cases like these, having an animal to hold, hug, and touch can make a world of difference to people who would otherwise have no positive, appropriate physical contact.

Astounding cases of pet heroism and loving acts prove that the interaction between pets and humans, even just passing contacts, are healing and worthy of categorizing as important relationships in the management of stress.

Find ot for yourself and consider, if you don’t own a pet, possibly adopting one for yourself and your family.  More fun and less expensive than therapy, pet ownership can truly be a healing factor in your life.

STOP!  READ THIS BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE

It doesn’t matter if you are buying into the “black Friday” shopping hysteria, preparing for a trip, having company, or just fighting additional traffic in the stores and on the road.  If you are reading this, you must take just three minutes to do this mini-stress management post while reading it. It may save your sanity and save the holiday.

Take a breath right now.  Exhale.  Remember, when under pressure we stop breathing (at least adequately for good thinking).  Our shallow breathing doesn’t provide what we need to kick in optimum thinking for our brain. It furthers tension as muscles and ligaments tighten.

Take another breath, a bit slower, and deeper this time. As you are inhaling, think:  I am pulling in oxygen that will help me relax and regenerate with each breath.

Now exhale slowly through the mouth repeating in your mind:  I exhale all my worries and know I am doing the best I can.

Crying children, burned pie, dust on the coffee tables, financial woes, and short tempered citizens are all potential holiday “breakers”.  Don’t let things get to you.  In the long-term scheme of things, these little irritants won’t play into your life but for a nanosecond.

Breathe and think positively. Teach your brain to create those “cell impressions” from which you can empower yourself simply through your thoughts. Ultimately, if you are consistent, your body physiology will be changed for the good.

Stretch your arms high into the air and wiggle your fingers.  Roll your wrists one way, and now the opposite direction.  Take another deep breath and exhale and release any unforgiving thoughts or hostility.  Clasp your hands and stretch to the heavens.  Now shake your hands as you bring them down.

Put aside any doubt and release any tendency to “make things work out” or to force an outcome. Open your thoughts and your life to the source of all intelligence and let go of worry.

Worry changes nothing for the better. The only thing worry does is increase in increments, and cause more worry, more problems, and affect us physically in a negative manner.

Sit with lower back pressed to the chair and shoulders down and back.  Deep breathe.  You are empowering yourself.  Exhale.  You are making room for more healing oxygen.

Bend your right ear to your right shoulder.  Hold for a moment and breathe.  Now left ear to you left shoulder.  Breathe again slowly.

Spend time on thoughts that are positive and quality and you will draw those things to you. Be mindful of your oxygen intake, and as you exhale send all those negative thoughts into oblivion.

This day is yours – CREATE a beautiful one for yourself and those around you.

THINK before you speak. Take a breath and it will spark your intellect.

Remember words are sharper than any knife and they pierce the heart.

Take THIS opportunity to tell someone you love or appreciate him or her.

Make these moments of value and the worth of your actions will ultimately come back to benefit you!  It always works… The things you think and the way you breathe!

The things that you think, and the quality of your oxygen will ultimately become your life and health.  YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHERE YOU GO FROM HERE.

What is past is past. The future is but a “hope for the best”.  The moments you have are now.   Make them of value to you and those around you and create beautiful moments in time.

Don’t Hurry to Death!

Over thirty-three million people will be traveling by car this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. Tradition dictates we cook fabulous meals (which usually means you will spend more money at the grocery store), visit relatives, or have visitors for dinner, and take the time off, whether we can afford to do so or not!

Wow! The REAL thanksgiving will probably happen AFTER the holiday and time off work – if it comes at all!  Here are a few tips to actually help you enjoy what is supposed to be a festive time for family and friends. These are some “stress buster” thoughts to put into action.

Advertisers like to promote the standard “turkey dinner with all the trimmings”.  They like to sell us decorative items and special desserts.

Don’t BUY into the necessity of all they are selling.

Don’t feel obligated to invite people if you cannot financially afford to do so.

The day is meant to express gratitude for our bounty.  If you are healthy, or have a family or even just a place to rest your head at night, be grateful.  So many on this planet don’t have even meager food or belongings.  Keep those thoughts fresh in your mind.

If you are driving to visit, prepare in plenty of time to be relaxed during the drive.  All those last minute details, all the planning, all the hopes of a great time will be dashed if you find yourself in a head on crash because your stress level is out of control!  Take a breath.  Think about that.

Sing.  Take a breath.  Play positive music that makes everyone’s heart beat calmly.  Laugh together. Teach the family to breathe, and take a breath together!  This will help everyone.  It will create a calmer presence and less stress for everyone.

We are not guaranteed more than the moment. Be grateful for time together.

If you are going to share time with family or friends, then certainly, if you are running late, make sure you are considerate enough to call if you feel there is any chance you will not be on time.  The love those people feel for you should forgive the tardiness.

Don’t yell at the children because they are not flying on YOUR time schedule.  They are children.  Try to be flexible and remember what is important.  How great is a memory of someone screaming, “Hurry, we’ll be late for our Thanksgiving visit!”

Create a new “tradition”.  Really make the time festive and restful too.  Present whatever food you have with grandeur and say, “We are having food to eat tonight!  How wonderful is that!”

Here are some simple things that may keep you from  catching it!

This information was passed on to me from someone I’ve known over the years to be trustworthy and intelligent.  The following sums up to me, as well, “common sense” things we can all do to keep this problem less prevalent.

Remember too, if you have a cough, please cough into the armpit area.  If you cough in your hands you may spread whatever it is that is causing it by simply touching something!

Make sure your children are aware of the things they can do to prevent spreading any virus or flu.  Even if they are young, children are oftentimes brighter,and absorb more information they we realize.

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“The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it’s almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

“While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. “Hands-off-the-face” approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).

3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don’t trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don’t underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.”

Please share this information.  It may save someone’s life!