Stress Management Magic

Yes it can!

Everyone knows that laughter feels good.  Laughter can make any situation a little more bearable, but did you know it could actually make you healthier?

Children laugh about 400 times a day.  Adults only laugh about 15 times a day, and that’s not the majority of adults.

Many of us get so wrapped up in the serious side of our jobs, whether it be in an office, working outside, or parenting.  The trouble with that is we simply aren’t laughing enough.  When we get so bogged down and serious, our stress levels spiral out of control.  Oftentimes we forget there is really still a lighter side to life.

How often do you let yourself laugh?  How often to you chuckle or really laugh until it hurts?  Not often enough I’d bet!

Laughter is really an all-around health booster.  According to “Science of Laughter” on the Discovery Health Web site, when we laugh, natural killer cells, which destroy tumors and viruses, increase.

Not only that, but Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein, T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells

(which make disease -fighting antibodies) increase too!

Blood pressure lowers with laughter, and you breathe more when laughing, thereby increasing oxygen in the blood.  That also encourages healing.

Be aware though, what “some people” call humor is not beneficial.  When jokes and laughter turn into jabs towards others, and yourself, you are no longer reaping the benefit of your laughter, and are in fact increasing pain and putting distance between yourself and others.

Healthy humor is a whole body experience comprised of three key components:

1.  Laughter, the reflexive and contagious physical experience.

2.  Wit, the cognitive experience.

3.  Amusement (or mirth), the feel good emotional experience enhanced when shared with others.

When these three elements are part of your “laughter” experience, you can be absolutely sure your body is benefiting!

Laughter really does lower blood pressure.  Many tests have shown that those who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than the average person.

Laughter protects our hearts.  Laughter can help prevent heart disease.

The “humor factor” actually changes our biochemical state, similar to what the “flight or fight” syndrome does – only laughter changes are good.  It decreases stress hormones and increases infection-fighting antibodies.  It makes us more attentive, and increases the heart rate and pulse.

Laughter is a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles.  It actually gives us a good workout.  It massages abdominal organs, tones the intestinal functioning, and strengthens muscles that hold abdominal organs in place.  A hearty laugh can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or an exercise bike.

Humor does improve brain function, which in turn helps relieve stress.  It stimulates both sides of the brain to enhance our intellect and learning.  It eases psychological stress and allows people to retain more information.

When we laugh our ability to connect with others improves.   Humor helps us to replace negative emotions with good feelings.

When humor enters it changes our behavior.  We talk more, make more direct eyes contact with others, our energy increases, and simply put, it makes us feel better!

Look for everyday humor.  There is humor to be found!  There are things constantly around us that can incite humor if we let them.  Honestly, you can find silly things happening around you every day.

Look at children.  They can find humor in anything! Surround yourself with positive people.  Take a humor break and pick up a book of jokes to read.  When you start to feel pressured, pick the book up and read a few jokes.

I remember a time years ago that I went to the beach with friends.  Trying to impress the guys, I attached a long ponytail to my own hair.  I looked hot!

When asked to play volleyball I said, “Of course.”  I had a hundred pins holding the darn thing in.  We played for a few minutes and then my ponytail fell off!

Everyone looked shocked and I simply said “Time out”, and I set it by the sidelines and kept playing.  No one laughed or mentioned it, and the game continued.  I played hard and our team won.

When over, I put the hairpiece in my purse and my friend and I went back to the house.  Once the door was closed we burst into laughter and fell down on the floor and laughed until our sides hurt.  I’m still smiling.

Rather than suffer humiliation or embarrassment, I chose to ignore the stress, and just keep going.  It was the best thing I possibly could have done.

Remember, this is your life!  Don’t forget to have fun.  Enjoy your life.  Take a breath and take heart.  It will work out easier if you remember to laugh!

Smile now.  The good times are closer than you think.

Can Laughing Make You Healthier?

Yes it can!

Everyone knows that laughter feels good.  Laughter can make any situation a little more bearable, but did you know it could actually make you healthier?

Children laugh about 400 times a day.  Adults only laugh about 15 times a day, and that’s not the majority of adults.

Many of us get so wrapped up in the serious side of our jobs, whether it be in an office, working outside, or parenting.  The trouble with that is we simply aren’t laughing enough.  When we get so bogged down and serious, our stress levels spiral out of control.  Oftentimes we forget there is really still a lighter side to life.

How often do you let yourself laugh?  How often to you chuckle or really laugh until it hurts?  Not often enough I’d bet!

Laughter is really an all-around health booster.  According to “Science of Laughter” on the Discovery Health Web site, when we laugh, natural killer cells, which destroy tumors and viruses, increase.

Not only that, but Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein, T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells

(which make disease -fighting antibodies) increase too!

Blood pressure lowers with laughter, and you breathe more when laughing, thereby increasing oxygen in the blood.  That also encourages healing.

Be aware though, what “some people” call humor is not beneficial.  When jokes and laughter turn into jabs towards others, and yourself, you are no longer reaping the benefit of your laughter, and are in fact increasing pain and putting distance between yourself and others

Healthy humor is a whole body experience comprised of three key components:

1.  Laughter, the reflexive and contagious physical experience.

2.  Wit, the cognitive experience.

3.  Amusement (or mirth), the feel good emotional experience enhanced when shared with others.

When these three elements are part of your “laughter” experience, you can be absolutely sure your body is benefiting!

Laughter really does lower blood pressure.  Many tests have shown that those who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than the average person.

Laughter protects our hearts.  Laughter can help prevent heart disease.

The “humor factor” actually changes our biochemical state, similar to what the “flight or fight” syndrome does – only laughter changes are good.  It decreases stress hormones and increases infection-fighting antibodies.  It makes us more attentive, and increases the heart rate and pulse.

Laughter is a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles.  It actually gives us a good workout.  It massages abdominal organs, tones the intestinal functioning, and strengthens muscles that hold abdominal organs in place.  A hearty laugh can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or an exercise bike.

Humor does improve brain function, which in turn helps relieve stress.  It stimulates both sides of the brain to enhance our intellect and learning.  It eases psychological stress and allows people to retain more information.

When we laugh our ability to connect with others improves.   Humor helps us to replace negative emotions with good feelings.

When humor enters it changes our behavior.  We talk more, make more direct eyes contact with others, our energy increases, and simply put, it makes us feel better!

Look for everyday humor.  There is humor to be found!  There are things constantly around us that can incite humor if we let them.  Honestly, you can find silly things happening around you every day.

Look at children.  They can find humor in anything! Surround yourself with positive people.  Take a humor break and pick up a book of jokes to read.  When you start to feel pressured, pick the book up and read a few jokes.

I remember a time years ago that I went to the beach with friends.  Trying to impress the guys, I attached a long ponytail to my own hair.  I looked hot!

When asked to play volleyball I said, “Of course.”  I had a hundred pins holding the darn thing in.  We played for a few minutes and then my ponytail fell off!

Everyone looked shocked and I simply said “Time out”, and I set it by the sidelines and kept playing.  No one laughed or mentioned it, and the game continued.  I played hard and our team won.

When over, I put the hairpiece in my purse and my friend and I went back to the house.  Once the door was closed we burst into laughter and fell down on the floor and laughed until our sides hurt.  I’m still smiling.

Rather than suffer humiliation or embarrassment, I chose to ignore the stress, and just keep going.  It was the best thing I possibly could have done.

Remember, this is your life!  Don’t forget to have fun.  Enjoy your life.  Take a breath and take heart.  It will work out easier if you remember to laugh!

Smile now.  The good times are closer than you think.

The facts:  First take a few nice slow breaths and exhale fully.  This will sharpen your intellect and help relax you for this reading.

If you have been stressing lately about the amount of alcohol you are consuming, or if you find yourself drinking when no one else knows, you had better start right away to make some BIG changes or you are HEADED DIRECTLY IN THE PATH OF A FREIGHT TRAIN!  This is not a joke.

Even if you think you are in control and just have a drink or two when no one is around – YOU’VE ALREADY GOT A PROBLEM.  If you have the “need” for a drink this warning is as serious as stopping at a red light in major city traffic.  You are headed the wrong way on a one-way street.

You can lie to yourself, justify your drinking, or just say it’s no one’s business – but this writer speaks from personal experience on both sides of the fence….the drinker, and the one who suffered the effects of living with a drinker.  This is serious business. It cannot be stressed enough. If you continue your stress level will increase.

If you think having a drink takes the edge off for a while, you are kidding yourself.  It’s like any drug only more insidious.

Ultimately you’ll need more to get the same feeling.  This drug causes much more damage than others because it is legal and so readily available.

Ever have a blackout?  Ever gotten angry when drinking?  Have you ever said or done something you wish you hadn’t?  Ever thought about what it costs to continue the habit?  Have you lost your family and / or the respect and love of friends?  Ever hidden a bottle or lied about your drinking?

Most people with a problem (possibly unrecognized, as yet) have experienced at least one or two of these scenarios.

No matter what the scenario – married, divorced, children, partnering with someone, or alone – overindulgence of alcohol can not only RUIN your life and the lives – it is a spirit, intellect, and health killer!

The problem is that alcohol has been advertised to be “socially acceptable”, a way to take the “edge off”, and a way to find your “confidence”, some profess true feelings come out, or that it is one of the best legal ways to party hearty.

DON’T FORGET WHO IS ADVERTISING:  big business, politicians who have there hands out, and people who are in the middle of the struggle and don’t want to drink alone.

Those are NOT very good recommendations!  If you are a parent and you love your children SEEK HELP NOW.  There is no shame in it.  From grade school to the elderly, America is fighting the battle with alcohol.  It takes courage to make this move, but you won’t loose everything ultimately, if you do something now!

If you don’t care about yourself enough, yet, think what you are possibly doing to someone else because of your drinking.

Alcohol stress for the NON-DRINKERS

This is a true story about a little girl who deals with the effects of alcohol EVERY DAY of her young life.

This is what a child should be worrying about (boy or girl) -  “Is there enough bread to feed all the geese?”

————————————-

McKenna was nine years old the day I met her.  I rounded the corner while taking my energetic puppy for a promised walk.  I walked a few yards and noticed a little girl across the street on her bike.  Her outfit was pink and her hair red. Not the kind of red that reminds you of a fire truck.  It was a soft red, almost  light pink.  It was cut in a cute bouncy style.

I introduced her to my dog so they could become friends.  She was “sparkly”.  Funny, that’s the only word that comes to mind.

She has dreams.  She sings.  I asked if she was good and she was modest and said “Some people think I’m good when they hear me.”  I asked if she thought she was good and said it wouldn’t be conceited to tell me.  She told me she thought she was good – but with purity and no diva attitude.

She asked if she could sing for me and I said yes.  When she started she was a little nervous, but she got more relaxed and belted out a very nice rendition of the song she was singing.

She was actually very good and I told her I enjoyed her singing.

Then out of a clear blue sky she told me this:

“My dad’s an alcoholic.  I know he loves me, but alcohol took my dad away.  I’ve known it since I was five.  He never keeps his promises to us and my mom warned me to let me know if he crushed my heart some time along the way.”

My heartbeat quickened.  I knew if I allowed the tears in my eyes to express themselves, it wouldn’t be right, or helpful for McKenna, this beautiful nine year old.  I could feel her genuine pain.

She was however, mature beyond her years and ready to understand and forgive.  I explained some things about addiction and she listened hard.

She rode her bike next to us all the way to her boundry.  I turned around and backtracked because she was so hungry to talk about it.  She has lived on this planet only nine years and is already suffering the pain living with someone who is an alcoholic brings.

She asked me if I would walk that way again and I said I would love to see you again.  She hugged me and we waved good-by.

————————-

McKenna’s pain has only begun.  Times will get harder.  I can pray for her and be her friend.  A child shouldn’t have to feel this way!

Know this:  just because you may not be an “alcoholic” (you may not even know you could be) – and you think you are just a social drinker, be sure to plant a seed in your mind to monitor your habits.

As creatures of habit we get into the “habit” of things easily; they are harder to break.  Remember alcohol is a seductive and sneaky drug that at some point can creep up on you and rule your life!

Don’t wind up like the man I saw laying on the side of the road, sleeping under cardboard.  His shoes were off and I couldn’t see his face, but I could see the empty bottle of bourbon next to him.  Head towards the path a friend of mine went down.  He actually made a decision to quit all on his own.  He had been in jail, almost lost his family, and knew he had to do something.   He quit cold turkey and has not had a drink in twenty-five years.  His life is wonderful now and he has no regrets.

Don’t think your children aren’t watching.  They see and hear more than you think.  Don’t forget the statistics of high school and college age students who have DIED from alcohol poisoning is on the rise.  Don’t forget alcohol may seem to take you up temporarily, but as it wears off it becomes a depressant!

Now What Do I Do?

First of all, take a breath.  Before ANY fearful or major happening in your life, USE MINDFUL OXYGEN. It will help relax you and empower you.  Refer to earlier posts if you are not familiar with breathing techniques as there are a few on line practices on this website.  No charge, of course.

Seek help.  If you are hiding alcohol, have been drunk this week, or can relate to any of the scenarios above:  PLEASE SEEK HELP.

Most communities have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and Alanon (for those suffering from the actions of alcoholics).  Look online for help and websites offering more suggestions.

Contact a church, a family member or friends…there is help available and there is NO SHAME in asking for help.  There is hope in it!

Don’t leave your spirit in an empty bottle of alcohol.  The choice is yours and yours alone.

Are they difficult and unreasonable, or just normal?

The first stress management tip for YOU is to SLOW DOWN a moment, and take a breath or two.  Remember you were a teenager once and you and your parents probably (we hope) survived all the challenges!

It’s not easy being a parent to a teenager, but if you can recall – it’s not easy being a teenager either.  To say that living with a teen is a mix of soap operas, frantic moments, and last minute projects, is just skimming the surface of all that is involved.

Did you know that there are really scientific explanations for the emotional outbursts and sitcom scenarios?  New studies have found that the frontal lobe, the brain region responsible for impulse control and good judgment, is the last part of the brain to mature.

Until the individual is about twenty-five what is active within the brain is the more primitive amygdala, which governs instinct and emotion that tends to rule behavior and decision-making.  This is a tough reality, and means there is long time between the “urge to take a risk” stage, and the “ability to resist” stage.  If you’ve ever looked at your teen and thought, “What were they thinking?” they were probably thinking exactly as the maturing of the brain of the teenage normally progresses.  They are vulnerable to errors associated with the normal brain functioning.

Teen’s brain doesn’t mature as quickly as the bodies do.  You may look at your son or daughter and see the appearance of what seems to resemble an adult, but there is still a little boy or girl upstairs who is directing all the action!  With that fact kept in mind, the next time you look at your child, remember you are dealing with a child who only has the appearance of an adult.

There is also a difference between intelligence and brain maturity, so even a very bright student can do stupid things, especially in social situations.  When emotions come into play, teens can-and will-make poor decisions.  It happens to the best of “mature” adults.

You may think what you say has no influence over children, but studies show this to be untrue.  Although you may want to run out the door screaming occasionally, experts say it is critical that parents maintain a strong presence during adolescent years, and serve rather as a temporary frontal lobe for teens.

Sometimes (keep this in mind as it is important) you may think your teen is purposely tuning you out or not following your instructions.  What happens more often than not is poor communication between you and your teen – simply a misinterpretation about what was said.

New research suggests that teens have trouble reading and understanding emotions in other people, and responding appropriately.  Remember that primitive amygdala is currently in the driver’s seat.  Encourage your teens to repeat what you’ve said so you know they haven’t misunderstood you.

Let the teens know about this research mentioned earlier, and acknowledge you know they are doing the best they can.  Tell them to just slow down and consider the consequences before making important decisions.  You are giving them the opportunity to think twice, and nurturing a partnership during this difficult time.

Remember they are working hard in school, have the appearance of a young adult, but are just now coming into a WORLD of new experiences.  Their emotions and sexuality are immerging.  Their body is changing, and their fear of failure and insecurity about body image and appearance are a mixed up bag that would be difficult for ANY young person to handle without a few challenges.  Pick your battles.  If the subject matter is life-threatening, then stick with it; otherwise, be choosy and allow your teen to make some decisions.

Remember you love them and you are their mentors and guides to this whole new world.  With all that can be intimidating for teens to learn, and the instability of our civilization and world right now, be a rock for your teen.  Be real.  Talk to them.  Keep the communication line open.

It would be REALLY aiming towards stress management with them, if you could share a class in breathing, or pursue some stress management techniques to help them with their demands in life -  and school – and help you, too, along the way.

There will be defining moments for your child’s entire life during the teen years.  He or she will often be at a crossroads and need guidance only you can give them.  Though it seems less than a desirable job at times, pat yourself on the back as you are molding a human being for their entire life on this planet.  The job is very important!  Don’t give up:  “This too shall pass”.   Now do a bit of mindful breathing.  Stand up and stretch, and begin your moments of life again.

There is NO return policy, so it might be best to learn to manage the stress that child rearing will bring into your life!

The Plus Side

Not all of the stress that comes into your life when you begin parenting is bad, make no mistake about that, there will be memorable moments for the rest of your life.  It is the toughest job you’ll ever have; it is also the sweetest, and can be freckled with fun and laughter.

The Best Medicine

Laughter is one of the best ways to release stress and feel good.  The chemicals released in the body through laughter reduce pain and tension.  So there is probably no substitute for finding ways to have fun and to laugh with children

Children keep you young.  They remind adults of the “innocence” we all once knew. Their actions have not yet been stuffed into a rigid format, and their honest appraisal of things, as their vocabulary grows, will keep you smiling, and maybe once in a while, cringing.  It is always a “challenge”.

There is no need to be depressed or anxious.  YOU ARE UP TO THE TASK!

Physical Endurance

The physical factor about child rearing is we do get physically stronger from the day we carry that little bundle of joy home.  Carrying a child, extra groceries, diapers, baby equipment, and all the extra do-dads we get to help our children, will also mean extra carrying, extra cleaning, and extra hours filling the needs of children.

Though you may be tired initially, you will get used to the schedule. Before you know it your body will grow stronger and your resilience better.

The Magic

Help yourself AND your children to calm down and relax.  Don’t forget the children will share your stress and the way you manage it. Don’t yell and scream, or break down and cry in front of your children.  They will take it personally, and even if the incident was initiated by their actions, children’s self-esteem for a lifetime is at risk here, as they go through their childhood years. You love them and you are their guardians and mentors.

Work on preventative techniques by letting them learn the very same techniques you are working on for yourself!  Teach them to breath and stretch, and make it fun!

Hyperactive and/or impulsive children, in particular, gain the most from learning techniques that relax their minds and bodies, recognize their internal feelings, and release inner tension.

Relaxation strategies empower children with a feeling of peace and self-control.  Do breathing exercises with your younger children and they will see it as a game and having fun together.

Find a meditation or yoga class and encourage your older children to participate with you.  Many parents already know breathing techniques and the positive effects of controlled breathing through Lamaze or other natural-childbirth classes.

Controlled conscious breathing has the benefit of relaxing muscles and reducing stress.  Many believe it is useful in the management, perhaps cure of some physical ailments and disease.

Help your child to learn to take conscious, deep breaths to relax. Show him/her how to inhale deeply (preferably through the nose, but through the mouth ins fine) and slowly exhale through the mouth.

Teach you child to isolate different body parts and relax them with each slow breath inhaled.  For example, while lying on the floor, instruct the child to tighten or squeeze toes on the left foot, then relax with a deep breath.

Now tighten the left knee and upper leg, and then relax and breathe.  Proceed in this manner to the right side.  Have them then relax by breathing.  Proceed in this fashion to the lower body, to the abdomen and upper body, each arm, hand/fingers, chest, neck, jaws and face.

This is particularly helpful for children to recognize that when they are angry, stressed, or nervous (even about taking a test or performing in a school program), they will recognize the tightening of certain body parts.

If they recognize when fists clench, jaws tighten, and stomachs harden, they have power over their bodies to relax and gain control.

They can consider using their oxygen a “secret weapon” – and it is!  They can breathe deeply and “send” their breaths consciously to relax body parts.  By sending the breaths to a hand, for instance, the child can silently prompt the hand to relax the grip.  Tell the child when the body is relaxed it is easier to think and plan!

Before any “stress” the child might be facing, AND IT’S EASY TO FORGET THEY HAVE STRESSES, INCLUDING YOUR REACTIONS, they can use their secret weapon to calm themselves!  Let them know their brains need fifty percent more oxygen to think well…and the breathing will help them be calmer and wiser for tests!  It’s true.

Hence, as your children learn stress management techniques, it will help them throughout their entire lives, and it will also help you because they will be calmer and more aware of their own body powers.  Children are ripe to learn, and what could be a better gift for the children and the parents than to learn to empower themselves and find peace in this day and age.  They

will also find extra self-esteem in their accomplishments!

Lastly, remember, make it fun, and keep in mind REPETITION is the mother of all learning.  Help all the family together!

It doesn’t matter how “warm and fuzzy” you feel towards your children, when they reach pre-teen and teenage years, you will begin to feel the stress mount.

These are the times you children will begin to spread their wings and hone their skills for adulthood.  These are the times they will begin to voice strong opinions and do seemingly arrogant acts of defiance.

Remember these things come with the territory and are natural.  Many times what “appears” to be open resistance to your rules are just a natural spurt of independence, perhaps not performed as optimally you would hope for, but nonetheless, this will happen.

First in the line of defense (for your own intellect and calmness in the situation) – use your secret weapon. Begin breathing deeply and slowly and exhaling in the same manner.  This will calm you and help your brain to get the oxygen for a better response.  Being reminded of our gift of breathing is not a bad thing.  The more you are reminded, and use the gift, the more effectively you will handle the myriad of scenarios that will come.

Parents can make a huge difference in providing guidance and support for their teens.  At times it may not seem like your teen wants you around, and he or she may not all the time, but your child really does need you and knows you care.

Try to spend positive times together.  It’s impossible to love your teen too much.  Try to stay close and warm.  Remember to say, “I love you”.

Of course you have to set limits and structure.  You have to be clear in communication and let the teen know what you expect.  Rules and expectations should change throughout your child’s life, but all children need boundaries, discipline and love – and in that order.

One of the most important things is to be consistent.  Be consistent with your partner, and be consistent if you are alone.  Mixed messages can lead to frustration for parents and children.  The children need consistency to help them to learn to structure their lives.

Try to stay involved in your teen’s life.  Ask questions about school, schoolwork, and friends.  Attend your teen’s extracurricular activities.  Whether they say so or not, they NEED to know you are just as interested in them now as when they were younger.  Meet families of those teens that spend a large portion with your teens.

Explain yourself with discussion – not with yelling and abusive language.  Discuss the reasons for your rules and what consequences they may face for not following them.  Respect your teen and the teen will respect you.

TRY WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT not to use HARSH discipline.  Harsh discipline includes yelling, slapping, hitting, and belittling.  If the situation is volatile, take a “break” and each of you pull yourself together and calm down for a while.  Words cut like a knife and you don’t want to regret your years down the road.  Besides, impulsive or reactive behavior just instigates a negative response from your teen and nothing will get accomplished.

Pick your arguments.  There will be many opportunities to disagree, but unless the scenario is life-threatening or really may be a danger to your child, remember they do need to do a certain amount of decision making that is positive and empowering to them.

Your teen is changing.  Physically, emotionally and cognitively, your teen is preparing for life as an adult in a difficult and trying world.  Be patient.  In the long run you will be glad you did.

Keep in mind, these youngsters are experiencing the most stress thus far in their young lives.  Try to be empathetic and remember how difficult it was!

If you need to get help, look for resources locally, and on line.

If you do these things your life and the life of your teen will be one hundred percent better!  Be on the teen’s side from an adult view, not another stumbling block in the path of their maturing.  Remember how much you loved them before this age and still do!

Take a breath and remember:” This too shall pass”.

Stress “Unmanaged” Will cause violence in a staggering number of people. It is almost inevitable!

Whether we choose to believe it or not, stress unmanaged will ultimately cause violence in many people.  Domestic violence, abuse towards children, intimate partners, (regardless of gender) and the elderly is on the rise.

Stress unmanaged can change of the body chemistry and can do can do infinite damage to credible brain function management. Anger causes words to cut to the heart, and actions to damage the recipient for his or her entire life in many circumstances.

Don’t be fooled.  Don’t be naïve.

There is a boiling point for water and for human emotions.  Whether the water stays in the pot or boils over, ultimately that, which is in the circumference of the pot, can be damaged or ruined entirely. .

Such is it with human behavior. Consequences of unmanaged stresses inflict suffering and can be life threatening.

Family conflicts are usually the result of stresses created in dysfunctional families.  Low levels of family conflict are warning signs for families that they are at risk of much greater abuse.  Any family member may intentionally or unintentionally contribute to the escalation of violence.

Stress is often created by feelings of hopelessness and or helplessness.  Other things that add to that could be excessive work hours, financial strain, and alcohol or drug abuse.

Personality disorders and/or early traumatic life experiences often predispose people to use violence in their own family relationships as adults.

Arguments created by stress can escalate.  Spontaneous arguments can lead to threats or actual physical assaults…without specific patterns, but they almost invariably escalate to more serious and injurious physical assaults.

We like to think “things” will resolve, or time will pass to “make it better”. For those individuals with particular personality traits or particular body chemistry, the danger lurks in close proximity to all who are near.

If YOU or someone near you is within the perimeters of this description, do something! Whether it be finding counsel (and if it is for YOU – please – do it now!) or just talking with family to consider action.

SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE IMMEDIATELY>not just for the individual, but also for all who may tread in the same path, either by coincidence, or choice.

It YOU one of the people referred to in the paragraphs above, PLEASE take a slow breathe now in though the nose.  Now exhale slowly through the mouth.  Please do it again several times.

The added oxygen will calm you and help you to think more rationally, and remember, you have already taken the first step towards helping yourself by searching the Internet!  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  Connect with someone – perhaps a local group that deals with anger management.  Take time for yourself – you can’t afford not to do so!

If you are totally overwhelmed and need help and don’t know who to turn to you can email:  mo@jett.net.You are not alone.

The benefits we experience when pets are in close proximity to us are really not recognized fully by most of us.  There is a powerful human-animal connection that is only now being fully recognized.

There have been many workshops held on the benefits of owning pets.  There were just a few scientific papers available on the subject a few years ago, though snow studies have revealed that pets boost survival rates for coronary care unit patients. That was an eye-opening finding.

People have known the healing effect for centuries, but recently new data on the role of chemistry in the relationship has been revealed.

When a person interacts with a pet, the central nervous system releases several hormones that cause feelings of pleasure.  One hormone in particular, oxytocin, seems to play a major role in reinforcing this bond.

The hormone creates a sense of warmth, nurturing and calm.  Simply petting dogs releases the same chemical in both humans and the animals!  Researchers know this with certainty, but are not clear as to how two species can produce feelings of peace, closeness and contentment in each other.

What is clear is the fact that this bonding is very helpful in managing stress of almost any kind.

Animals (particularly dogs) give unconditional love.  It doesn’t matter if the owner yells, or is unkempt, or even doesn’t offer the best care to the animal.  All the animal wants is love and approval by their owner.  They accept their owners and companions without qualification.  An animal’s acceptance

is nonjudgmental and forgiving. They don’t play psychological games people sometimes play.  They accept you the way you are.

Pet ownership particularly helps children to learn to read body language.  The experiences children have with their pets later develop into relationships with people, and actually helps develop more empathy for others.

Children who are fortunate to have a pet learn nurturing skills, and the responsibilities that come with it. They also have in store for them lots of fun to share with a new pet.

Over eons it is well established that touch is very important for the nourishment for our spirits and minds.  Sometimes people who have been neglected find it difficult to accept touch from other humans.  The relationship with animals, simply the act of petting a dog, can create feelings of security and warmth; feelings of love without demands humans often desire.

In cases like these, having an animal to hold, hug, and touch can make a world of difference to people who would otherwise have no positive, appropriate physical contact.

Astounding cases of pet heroism and loving acts prove that the interaction between pets and humans, even just passing contacts, are healing and worthy of categorizing as important relationships in the management of stress.

Find ot for yourself and consider, if you don’t own a pet, possibly adopting one for yourself and your family.  More fun and less expensive than therapy, pet ownership can truly be a healing factor in your life.

STOP!  READ THIS BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE

It doesn’t matter if you are buying into the “black Friday” shopping hysteria, preparing for a trip, having company, or just fighting additional traffic in the stores and on the road.  If you are reading this, you must take just three minutes to do this mini-stress management post while reading it. It may save your sanity and save the holiday.

Take a breath right now.  Exhale.  Remember, when under pressure we stop breathing (at least adequately for good thinking).  Our shallow breathing doesn’t provide what we need to kick in optimum thinking for our brain. It furthers tension as muscles and ligaments tighten.

Take another breath, a bit slower, and deeper this time. As you are inhaling, think:  I am pulling in oxygen that will help me relax and regenerate with each breath.

Now exhale slowly through the mouth repeating in your mind:  I exhale all my worries and know I am doing the best I can.

Crying children, burned pie, dust on the coffee tables, financial woes, and short tempered citizens are all potential holiday “breakers”.  Don’t let things get to you.  In the long-term scheme of things, these little irritants won’t play into your life but for a nanosecond.

Breathe and think positively. Teach your brain to create those “cell impressions” from which you can empower yourself simply through your thoughts. Ultimately, if you are consistent, your body physiology will be changed for the good.

Stretch your arms high into the air and wiggle your fingers.  Roll your wrists one way, and now the opposite direction.  Take another deep breath and exhale and release any unforgiving thoughts or hostility.  Clasp your hands and stretch to the heavens.  Now shake your hands as you bring them down.

Put aside any doubt and release any tendency to “make things work out” or to force an outcome. Open your thoughts and your life to the source of all intelligence and let go of worry.

Worry changes nothing for the better. The only thing worry does is increase in increments, and cause more worry, more problems, and affect us physically in a negative manner.

Sit with lower back pressed to the chair and shoulders down and back.  Deep breathe.  You are empowering yourself.  Exhale.  You are making room for more healing oxygen.

Bend your right ear to your right shoulder.  Hold for a moment and breathe.  Now left ear to you left shoulder.  Breathe again slowly.

Spend time on thoughts that are positive and quality and you will draw those things to you. Be mindful of your oxygen intake, and as you exhale send all those negative thoughts into oblivion.

This day is yours – CREATE a beautiful one for yourself and those around you.

THINK before you speak. Take a breath and it will spark your intellect.

Remember words are sharper than any knife and they pierce the heart.

Take THIS opportunity to tell someone you love or appreciate him or her.

Make these moments of value and the worth of your actions will ultimately come back to benefit you!  It always works… The things you think and the way you breathe!

The things that you think, and the quality of your oxygen will ultimately become your life and health.  YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHERE YOU GO FROM HERE.

What is past is past. The future is but a “hope for the best”.  The moments you have are now.   Make them of value to you and those around you and create beautiful moments in time.

Don’t Hurry to Death!

Over thirty-three million people will be traveling by car this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. Tradition dictates we cook fabulous meals (which usually means you will spend more money at the grocery store), visit relatives, or have visitors for dinner, and take the time off, whether we can afford to do so or not!

Wow! The REAL thanksgiving will probably happen AFTER the holiday and time off work – if it comes at all!  Here are a few tips to actually help you enjoy what is supposed to be a festive time for family and friends. These are some “stress buster” thoughts to put into action.

Advertisers like to promote the standard “turkey dinner with all the trimmings”.  They like to sell us decorative items and special desserts.

Don’t BUY into the necessity of all they are selling.

Don’t feel obligated to invite people if you cannot financially afford to do so.

The day is meant to express gratitude for our bounty.  If you are healthy, or have a family or even just a place to rest your head at night, be grateful.  So many on this planet don’t have even meager food or belongings.  Keep those thoughts fresh in your mind.

If you are driving to visit, prepare in plenty of time to be relaxed during the drive.  All those last minute details, all the planning, all the hopes of a great time will be dashed if you find yourself in a head on crash because your stress level is out of control!  Take a breath.  Think about that.

Sing.  Take a breath.  Play positive music that makes everyone’s heart beat calmly.  Laugh together. Teach the family to breathe, and take a breath together!  This will help everyone.  It will create a calmer presence and less stress for everyone.

We are not guaranteed more than the moment. Be grateful for time together.

If you are going to share time with family or friends, then certainly, if you are running late, make sure you are considerate enough to call if you feel there is any chance you will not be on time.  The love those people feel for you should forgive the tardiness.

Don’t yell at the children because they are not flying on YOUR time schedule.  They are children.  Try to be flexible and remember what is important.  How great is a memory of someone screaming, “Hurry, we’ll be late for our Thanksgiving visit!”

Create a new “tradition”.  Really make the time festive and restful too.  Present whatever food you have with grandeur and say, “We are having food to eat tonight!  How wonderful is that!”