Stress Management Magic

Death is never easy, whether your relative or friend dies at a hospital, or home, or in your arms.  No matter how prepared you think you are for the event, temporarily you may hit the bottom of the barrel.  It is a shock.  No one ever thinks death will hit home so closely.

The reality of life is that all humans are bound to die at some point.  That is simply part of life.  It doesn’t make it easier to accept when it happens.

What you can do is this.  Pull yourself together by allowing yourself to have moments to breathe and cry. It’s absolutely okay to have personal periods of mourning and learning to accept the loss.

Contact family and friends for support.  You will be amazed at how everyone will pull together to help you, if they can.

If no one lives near you, or you are absolutely alone, try to find human contact however you can.  Very few people will simply extricate themselves for any length of time from others, though a few people really will choose to mourn privately.  It is a choice.

What has happened is the starkest moment of realization that you are alive. No one knows why one person dies and another remains a living soul.  You now realize, more than ever, life is fragile and there is no guarantee of time allotted to do the things you are working towards.

From the prospective of stress management, remember it will take time to adjust to the fact that this human relationship has ended forever.  Do not be too hard on yourself for any dissension you had prior to the death of this individual.  It happens.  It has no merit now to torture yourself for mistakes you may have made in the relationship with the departed.

Unresolved scenarios are the most difficult to handle, but handle it you will – you have no choice except to do so.  Forgive yourself and find peace where you can.

Initially there will be a brief blitz when people arrive to offer their consolation.  There will be a flurry of activities, food, flowers and hugs.  There will probably be a service and prayers offered.

However the final good-by is handled, whether there is a cremation or burial, remember to use your mindful breathing to calm yourself and help you find a tender mix of intelligent choices with your emotions

Everyone responds differently.  You will find unexpected people popping in to offer sympathy.  Others you may have assumed would be there simply may not opt to, or be able to be there for the events

Try to have great understanding in this are as they have the right to handle “death” in whatever manner they are able. There is no hard and fast rulebook on reactions that may manifest.

Be respectful and supportive of the individual’s decisions in this matter.  Remember too, with the economic trials many people face, it simply may not be possible for family or friends to drop everything, get off work, or travel to be by your side.

Remember the great moments.  Revel in the time spent together with the deceased.  There are stages of grief and you will experience every one of them during the healing process.

For now, take a breath; use your oxygen to empower yourself. You are alive and able to make changes right now!  Don’t punish yourself for the fact you are still here – be grateful you have the opportunity to go forth in a positive and powerful way.  Make your life worthwhile by living it moment-by-moment to the best of your ability and attending to what is really important.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Hug someone.  Tell someone you love him or her.    Spend time with those people in your circle of life and move forth to heal.  Celebrate life. There is no other GOOD choice.

How can you handle these MAJOR stresses?

How to prepare

This is a difficult subject, so why not just take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth.  Doing a bit of mindful breathing will aid any circumstance by helping you to keep your muscles relaxed, and your mind sharp. Please do it again.

Almost every human being will endure, at least one time in his or her life, the loss of a loved one. Death comes to us all.  It is the natural progression of human life, and is just a matter of time.

Most people will also experience at least one serious family dispute. These are two major stresses. There is a correlation between the two.

When death occurs there will be stages of grief that you go through.  The stages include denial, guilt, anger, bargaining with a higher power, depression, and finally becoming more functional in accepting the reality of it all.

The time for each stage will depend on the awareness each individual has, and as with any stress, the work the individual is willing to do, to begin the healing.

Many fine websites and books discuss these stages in depth.

However, when you are experiencing the scenario, it may not seem like the time to study.  Here is what you can do prior to the death of a loved one:  be aware of the stages you will go through.  Learn about each one and consider your work to be invaluable for the future.  It will be.

Plant a seed of “knowing” that it will happen at some point, and be prepared with knowledge.  If you are caring for an elderly family member, or all close to someone with a terminal illness, it is important to talk with them about death. Often the discussion is avoided because it seems too difficult.

Think about the person it’s happening to.  They need to talk about it.  Talking about any stress helps to relieve it to a point, and this one is particularly important to address.

When the event of loss occurs your first thought should be to breathe.  It is a gift and will help you to stabilize and it will also help calm you for the coming events of saying goodbye, notifying everyone, and preparing for the funeral / burial.

You cannot think of two things at once so concentrate on mindful breathing for a few moments initially.  The brain and the body need it desperately at these moments.

Allow tears.  After the initial shock, try to switch from your emotions to your intellect; there will be people to contact and arrangements to make.

Focus and engage the help of those near you.  Mourning is less traumatic if you can share it with others.

During all the time after the death of someone you love, all the stages of grief, remember to empower your decisions with substantial oxygen.  Remember the suffering for those lost is over.

This touches only lightly on the subject.  Continue your search for help in handling all you need to know to survive optimally. You will get through it

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The correlation of death and serious family disputes is this:

When you are alienated from family or friends because of a disastrous event, or a series of events, it equates to “the loss of a loved one”.

Hostility between family members can be devastating.  You may be able to reconcile and work out your differences, but if you can’t, it can paralyze you for a time.

The first reaction should be to STOP; empower yourself with oxygen. If you don’t breathe, and most trauma causes shallow breathing, muscles and ligaments tighten, and your intellect to diminish.

If you can find a resolve to the problem, be the first to opt for peace and discussion.  If you see no possibility of it happening, then you must accept what you cannot change.

Worrying about it or trying to change what is impossible is simply a waste of your life.  Acceptance may be your only option.

As with the death of a loved one, the loss of communication with a family member can cause similar stages of grief.  This isn’t happy news, but it is reality.  You cannot move forward if you are unable to accept what have no control over.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Spend time with those people remain in your circle of life, and move on. There may be no other choice.

Take a few slow breaths while reading this short post, please.

This is an addendum to yesterday’s post.  I did not want to appear to diminish the critical issue of suicide.  When the stress level in your life becomes that intense, I am aware some people are able to skirt the thought and individually work on the problem with stress management techniques.

Others may not be able to do that.  If you have thoughts of suicide, it is urgent that you attend to your needs immediately.   This does not mean you are less of a person, less intelligent, or a looser!

It simply means your stress level has elevated to a point that you need to seek immediate help. There is help available.

In one of those dire moments, pick up the phone and dial 911.  Explain you need help and ask to be directed to that help.  Or get on the Internet. There are online MANY helpful websites.  Use keyword like:  suicide, distress, help, depression, etc, hopeless, and so on.

You can also look up suicide help lines, and suicide chat rooms.

Take a breath right now and slow down if you are having these feelings.  Seek help.  Remember there truly are people who care about you; even people you don’t know.  I am one of them.

Please check out “suicidehotlines.com”, or “suicidepreventionlifeline.org” or call: 1(800) 273-TALK as examples.

If you feel lonely, depression or desperate - Take a few breaths, and please take a few minutes to find help.  It very well may safe your life and actually give you hope for a new one!