Stress Management Magic

Common terms used to describe the mental condition of those of us who must concentrate, meet deadlines, provide a service for people, and adjust to the demands of the work world and family life include “stress”, “burnout”, and usually “exhaustion”.

The drive for efficiency and increasing costs of providing for basic life functions, add to the pressures, as does the stress simply caused by change.

We all need help in “time management, as it is one remedy that does enable people to cope.  If you want to head towards a more healthful workday, incorporate five-minute vacations when you can.

Those who give of themselves to others, whether at work or at home, must have time for replenishing vital forces from within themselves.

If we are expected to produce ideas, designs, or detailed work, we need a renewal of our intellect and creativity.  Paper pushers, foremen, even harassed mothers, must make time capsules for coping ability and restoration during the day.

The United States Department of Labor website offers laws for specific states regarding breaks and lunch breaks.  Each state differs.

In California the law states that a ten-minute rest period is required for each four hours worked.  After five hours (if you work at least eight hours) you are to be given one-half hour for lunch.

Thankfully, many employers know the value of empowering breaks to regenerate, but even during a brief five-minute respite YOU can really use the time to relax completely.

For just five minutes, mentally (and, if possible, physically) remove yourself from the hurry of work and the demands of others. Use this time to relax completely.  Even if the time is a restroom break, rest and regenerate in whatever room you can!

Use your oxygen to relax and regenerate your body. That can be done anywhere and at any time!  Breathe now, inhaling slowly, and exhaling slowly.  Continue while reading further.

The physiology, or functioning of your organs, will respond to this plug of oxygen by resuming normal functioning, as opposed to being riddled with stress.

If you have the opportunity to get up and move around, do so.  Stretch and take a breath, as you want to invigorate your circulation.  If you are stationery, you can still regenerate.

Breathe and consciously visualize all your muscles going limp for a moment.  Relax, and breathe into your muscles.  Now loosen up by rolling your shoulders forward and then backward.  Drop your head from side to side slowly.  Scrunch fingers together and stretch them out.  Wiggle your toes and rotate your ankles.  This is a GREAT little vacation!

If you are away from the “source” of your stress for a brief time, think about something lovely; dwell on the good that is around you.  Look at a tree or a living plant; consider the diffusion of color and the design and symmetry

Take a five-minute walk outdoors if possible.  Read something funny or think of something to tickle your sense of humor.  Laugh (it’s healing).

Watch others and remember happiness is a CHOICE – no matter what!

Even one minute to breathe and move can give mental strength and invigorate the mind.  Such little “vacations” give a change of pace, needed oxygen, relief from concentration, and stimulate the circulation.

Begin today to incorporate these small “breaks” and you will find a difference in your management of stress right away.  I promise!

Each day offers a variety of experiences and encounters.  If stress and trepidation have captured your spirit you will find yourself dreading, not only each day, but anticipating the future as time that will be less than wonderful.

Instead of anticipating new adventures and rewarding experiences, you will be in a mental “funk”, and in reality, not feel as good physically.  Fear and stress equals a double edge sword that will take your life away and destroy any hope for joy and the future.

Stop it!  Stop wasting your life.  Since you get to CHOOSE your thoughts, CHOOSE to expect good.  You don’t know what the very next nanosecond will be like, let alone the next hours or days

Why shouldn’t you expect good?  Why not!

Even in the face of difficult circumstances you are still capable of guiding your thoughts and intellect.  You have an unlimited strength from within if you just tap into it.  Expect good to come – if not this instant – soon.

Claim trust back if it’s been dashed by time and circumstance.  Create order in your life and seek transformation to a solution that is good and acceptable to you and others.  There is always order and a silver lining if you can bear the temporary rocky road to get there.  Learn from those times that seem impossible.

You are stronger than you even know.  You may have just been trained to believe you are less than you feel in your heart.  Sometimes criticism from family and peers pierces the heart and acts like a train barreling into your self-esteem.

Esteem means, “respect and admire”.  It seems in life that many people are more apt to be critical and tear down others than to be respectful and admire them.  Perhaps it is because they themselves were treated in that manner.  Perhaps it is because negativity is rampant and people seem sure “the worst is to com”.

BELIEVE THE BEST IS YET TO COME.  DRAW GOOD TO YOU.

EMPOWER YOUR LIFE WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FAIN YOUR BELIEF IN THEM AT FIRST, CREATE NEW BRAIN CELLS AND TEACH YOURSELF TO DO THESE THINGS.

WHY NOT?  THE THOUGHT POLICE HAVEN’T COME TO FRUITION AS YET.  THOUGHT IS STILL ON THE FREE RANGE IF YOU BREAK OUT OF THE PRISON YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE IN.

Don’t believe unwarranted words.  None of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes, but that is part of maturing and learning to choose the best choices for our own lives.   You have a warehouse of “goods” within you, ready to be tapped into at any moment.

Transform your life.

———————————–

Once you are able to “exercise” your thoughts, the value of stress management training, yoga, meditation, exercise class, videos, any type of schooling or training, will accelerate to optimum intellectual levels and with a calm demeanor.  Use your oxygen and begin from within you…..today!

Are you devastated?  Distraught?  Feeling like you can’t go on anymore?

YES YOU CAN!

It is built into human nature to survive.  The majority of human beings (without alcohol and drugs being involved) are able to recover from almost anything!  If you think not, think again.  Just ask a Marine who has lost his limbs and has to start all over again or perhaps a young woman who finds herself a widow, or a mother who has been physically and/or verbally abused.  These are REAL scenarios.  RECOVERY is possible and will be faster than you think if you begin now.

You are NOT ALONE! The total numbers of U.S. divorces (excluding non-counting states) reported in the year 2000 was a staggering nine hundred and fifty seven thousand, two hundred and twenty for that year alone.  This statistic was ten years ago.  Statistics haven’t gotten better!

This figure didn’t include broken love affairs, broken friendships, or unreported instances of “some kind” of break-up.

Every human on this planet earth has felt emotions of despair at one time or another.  We all suffer LOSS.

You can start today by learning to use your oxygen.  (See yesterday’s post).  This is the first step.

Whether you have stopped loving someone, the love has changed, or you have lost someone to the final chapter of this life, you can recover.

There will be tears, and a flood of other emotions initially.  This is the way human beings are built.  If there is no sadness, and only rage and hatred, you have the opportunity now to begin again too.  (Start with the breathing technique in the last post.) When you feel rage you actually begin to breathe in a shallow manner and you need more oxygen for your brain to calm down!  More oxygen is necessary to think intelligently.

Remember:  What has happened is a done deal.  IF you have had this kind of loss the best thing you can do is move forward.

Acceptance.  Acceptance is primary.  What was then, is now changed.  This is life.  Life is a series of changes.

No one is telling you to not be sad, or feel insecure, or not to have regrets.  These things all seem to be a part of “pre-recovery”.  But don’t spend the next year of your life mourning.

It does not change things.

You can’t go back to “the good old days”.  They are the past.

Your goal now is to move forward, allow yourself a limited amount of time to mourn your loss – and if you were instrumental in making the changes then RECALL what prompted you to do so.  You must have been good reasons. Sometimes our emotions get in the way of our intellect and blur our memory of the “why” of things. Remember what prompted your actions.

This is not a post to sound cold and harsh.  It is a reality check.

The reality of the loss of any relationship or another human is deeply felt – but there must be a limit.  You will go forward.

Diversion is great therapy.  Join a stress management group; take yoga, or seek friendships through church or work.

“Busy hands are happy hands” makes sense.  If you stay busy you won’t have so much time to dwell on the past.  Volunteer; get together with family or old friends.

Lastly – quit dissecting what happened.  Men are much better at dropping a subject than women.  When it’s done for men it’s usually done.  Women like to go over and over it again, and truthfully, that is not a healthy way to recover.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Life goes on and it can move oftentimes to many more wonderful times in the future; times you never imagined.   It’s up to you now.  Take a breath and start your life over.  Be rid of the negativity and start with a positive thought:  “I am healing!”

These flowers are for you!  Know in your heart – someone you don’t know – REALLY CARES!

California Poppy

Take a breath and enjoy these moments of your life!  When you are lonely or bored it is the perfect time to find a place to lay down, put on some gentle music (without words),  and begin to practice your breathing.

Inhale through the nose slowly and think:  “This is the breath of life.  It will make me feel better.”

As you exhale through the mouth think: “Everything changes and I exhale my negative thoughts to make room for better ones.”

Repeat this slow and mindful breathing and you will begin to relax.  It is the way this wonderful oxygen machine works.  Let

the negative feelings leave you with each exhalation.  With each inhalation breathe in hope and positive thoughts.

Change your mind and you change your life!  Love and blessings to you.

Before reading, take a slow breath as you look at the beauty of the flowers.  This is for you, so do it again!

“A man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done”

This was a catch phrase early in the 1900’s.  Women were worn to a “frazzle” (another early catch phrase); slaves to their families and homes, in a most exhausting manner.

Many of the things we take for granted – indoor toilet facilities, running water, refrigeration, vacuum cleaners, central heat and air conditioning, permanent press clothing -  are a sampling of what made women’s work more than a challenge

DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND.  Today’s woman has just as many demands but they are different in nature.  A woman who works outside the home is challenged, particularly if the woman is married and has children too.

The percentage of men who are “stay at home” daddies is one-percent.  Not a big number, though with two million folks out of work, the statistics are changing rapidly.

The one-percent pertains to those who find switching positions voluntarily with a wife, and being the person who primarily is responsible for the children’s care and welfare.

Now let’s switch back to the woman.  If you are a woman who ALSO works outside the home, you probably leave work without the fresh edge you felt as you went to work in the morning.

You open the front door to children grasping at you, the dog yelping and wiggling its tail, the pressure of knowing you still have to fix dinner, facing a husband who may have had a bad day, and  probably tuck the children into bed.

You might plop into a chair and just wish you could slip into something comfy and sit back and have a glass of wine with your favorite heart sensitive music playing softly in stereo.

Get over it!  Reality will smack you in the face – so in order for you to survive the pressure and demands you face, here are a few suggestions.

BREATHE!  It is the first defense against out of control rage….

Before you step out of your vehicle, or the bus, use your oxygen to tame the stallion and calm yourself down. It WORKS!

However, IF YOU NEVER WORK IT, IT NEVER WORKS! Give it a try.  You can start twenty minutes from home and just calmly take in some good oxygen (knowing it absolutely will reenergize you).  When you exhale, visualize all that nasty stuff that has settled in your craw (stomach, throat, etc.) and let it go!  Doesn’t help.  Doesn’t resolve anything.  Let it go.

Now, as a prelude to an evening of horror and the possibility of yelling and adverse do a bit of preparation for the sake of YOU and your loved ones!

First of all, assimilate this:  NOTHING IN THE NEXT 24 hours is going to change – except, perhaps, your attitude!  It’s not what happens to you, it is your RESPONSE.

Remember that the children and animals are just that…children, with immature actions, and animals, who simply want your love and attention.  As far as husbands – well, good or bad, you chose him – so take a breath and deal with the moment with equal amounts of intellect and emotion.

Actually let the intellect take charge and be calm as you lift the “pre-supper” snacks of carrots and celery (bugs bunny sandwiches) from the refrigerator.

Let the dog out in the yard, after saying hello, and remember, the dog is a member of the family, not the boss.

If you took a few moments early on, the children’s bed clothing will be already placed on the bed.  A DESIGNATED bedtime each night will add to your sanity.  Do not let the children maneuver you into saying up later than YOU decide.  It doesn’t matter what the other kids are doing!

If your honey is of a mind to pitch in – Hallelujah!  If not, go forth will wind in your sails.  Love your man (or partner) and don’t critique or put them down.  They have their trials too.  Remember you are supposed to be MATES.  Make it so.

Women are sturdy and resilient creatures.  You can do whatever it is you put your mind to do.

Get organized, get creative, and be SURE to take REAL rest and relaxation for yourself.  Make time-it is of the essence in the peace of your life and your survival.  Use your intellect to set the rules (the home has always been a place where women set the tone) – and some things – NEVER CHANGE.  Now do it!

You want to manage your stress more effectively, because you wouldn’t be reading this website if you didn’t!  So let’s get personal.

Answer these questions honestly:

1.  Have you ever practiced deep breathing?

2. Have you recently allowed yourself ten minutes to sit or lie

down, put your feet up, and close your eyes to rest.

3.  Have you ever walked away (for a few minutes) from the computer, or a job you are attempting, when it seems there isn’t a resolve to be found?

4. Have you recently taken leisurely walk simply to see and hear nature?

5.  Have you told someone you love him or her, or at least let them know really enjoy their presence?

6.  Have you smiled at a stranger, and even if they didn’t smile back, stayed happy you at least offered the gesture of congeniality to someone.

7.  Have you genuinely been kind to someone lately?

If you’ve answered NO to any of these questions, then you haven’t even begun REALISTIC stress management techniques in daily living!  All of the above will help guide you on the path of a calmer and more peaceful life, and these are only a few of the actions you can incorporate into your life relatively easy.

None of these things take much time, but they will begin to attend to your Spirit and create new and calmer brain cell impressions.  Your burdens will start to lighten because you will have CHANGED YOUR ATTITUDE, and your attitude in responding to life is what it is all about!  With a good attitude, you make better choices, and with better choices your life improves.

If you are a sour drone, negative, listless, and sure life will never get better, then you had better make some changes soon.  You are the representative of your life.  You have let life use and abuse you and you have given in to it.  You have succumbed to the pressure. How clever you are aiming towards your own demise.

You can still have it all, but often refuse to see it because it isn’t “YOUR perfect dream” of how life should be.  Dreamers who work hard and incorporate what seems the “less important things” (such as a kindness towards someone) – will find whatever dream they are living is better than they expected in many ways.

Most humans try as hard as they can to do the right thing, and still, life doesn’t turn out as expected. That’s life.

So right now begin to turn things around.  There is this moment-the only moment guaranteed.  Use it wisely.

Take a breath.  Don’t let life overwhelm you – overcome the “challenges” with ATTITUDE – the right attitude.

Take a breath slowly.  Exhale.  Do it again. Remember you always have the choice of your attitude.  When you choose to be positive you will find life flowing calmer, and you responding with more intellect and charisma.  You are the leader of YOU.

Stop to smell the roses.

These things work for EVERYONE who is willing to put out a bit of effort!  The cost to you?  Zero dollars and nothing else except  a few minutes of your time, on a regular basis.

If you have never “used” your oxygen to help manage stress – today is a good day for you.  Managing your oxygen is your first step towards managing your stress and beginning a more relaxed and empowered life!  If you are unfamiliar with “how to breathe” take a few moments and breathe.

How to breathe

BEGIN NOW by taking in a deep inhalation through the nose. Visualize it traveling to your brain and through your body.   Now exhale through the mouth slowly. When you inhale remember that when you keep breathing in a stressful situation, you are empowering yourself.  You will stay more relaxed, think optimally, and give yourself a chance to respond instead of reacting to a circumstance. You will keep the body from automatically going into “fight or flight” unnecessarily.

Take another mindful breath.  Hold it a few seconds, and now exhale.  When you exhale remember it is a mind housekeeping tactic to visualize all the negativity flying from your mouth into oblivion (also clearing the carbon dioxide to make room for more oxygen.)

You can learn through, exercising your mind, to slow your breathing, calm your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, and relax those muscles, which in turn will allow you to make the best choices possible for the scenario you face.

Please inhale slowly and deeply.  Hold it a few more seconds, and now exhale through the mouth.  Use this secret weapon whenever needed. It’s readily available, the only cost is your thought process, and it WORKS beautifully!

———————–

Let’s begin with a “mini-relaxation” right now, right here at the desk.  It will give you a boost no matter what time of day it is!  You deserve one minute, don’t you?

Sit with your shoulders down and relaxed, but lift your neck to separate the vertebra and discs.  Press your lower back into your chair, which in turn will help both the abdominal area and back; open the chest area by sitting just a bit straighter.

Now take a breath in through the nose slowly, think about all it WILL do for you mentally and physically.  When you exhale (through the mouth) remember this purging breath will empty the carbon dioxide making room for more oxygen, and it CAN be a house cleaning breath to shoot the negative out the fingertips into oblivion.  That’s a great thing to do for managing stress.

Take another mindful breath slowly. Think about it working in your body and mind. Now exhale slowly and purge the negative out.  You are in charge of your mind.  Now your oxygenated brain can use that finely tuned intellect to absorb what you need to retain from the balance of today’s information.

You’ve heard the old adage, “Speak before you think”.  There is so much more wisdom in these four words that we often understand.  Perhaps an even more productive saying could be “Breathe before you speak”.

Often times when we are under duress, and faced with a difficult scenario, we speak before we actually gather our thoughts together.

When in difficult situations, perhaps facing a screaming combatant, we will actually within draw by holding our breaths.  Think about it. In turn our muscles, tendons and ligaments begin to tighten.

Instinctively we are preparing for the “fight or flight” syndrome and our stance becomes that of preparing for defense. By unconsciously holding our breath we cut off our needed oxygen supply to make a more rational decision.  Our brains need fifty percent more oxygen to think optimally.

We need to put aside any doubt and release any tendency to “make things work out” or to force an outcome.

There is unlimited abundant energy and you direct whether it be positive or negative.  Refuse to be negative and affirm, “I am getting better.” No matter how you feel at the time, whether you believe it or not, your positive affirmation makes the statement true.

As you speak these words, the body responds with positive energy, growing and healing.  You will create brain cell impressions that reinforce your words.

If you do this expect an attitude of rejuvenation and be grateful for possibilities other wise not known.

We often become “compelled” and then “consumed”, hurrying through life. Compel yourself to seek peace and healing, and be consumed by those things.

Compel yourself to seek better responses to stresses. Don’t give your power away by reacting to someone else and their emotions.  Don’t be stripped of your joy in daily life.

Begin to form new habits.   Be compelled and consumed by thoughts that will aid your peace and healing process.

The things that you think, and the quality of your oxygen, will ultimately become your life and health.

YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHERE YOU GO FROM HERE.

Breathe and think positively.  Teach your brain to create those “cell impressions” from which you can empower yourself simply through your thoughts, and therein ultimately your body physiology will be changed for the good.

As you speak the words the body responds with positive energy growing.  You will create brain cell impressions that will reinforce your words, and your words, chosen carefully, will help to heal your own body.

Scientists are now proving that “the ability of mere thought to alter the physical structure and function of our gray matter” is NOT just an idea posed by those who participate in visualizations and meditations.

Mental practice resulted (as seen in a series of tests) in the reorganization of the brain. The scientists also discovered that mental training had the power to change the physical structure of the brain. How cool is that!

So now we know that scientists concur with those of us who participate in mind training (such as visualizations and meditations) to be used to enhance our lives. At all ages the brain retains the ability to change its structure and function in response to thought and / or experience.

Renew your mind, create new brain cells, and heal your heart and every fiber of your body.  Practice using the two options mentioned earlier in this article, and begin to rejuvenate your life.

Breathe and think. Think and speak. Be clear.  Do not let stressful obstructions or hindrances darken your day.  No matter what the situation is (like it or not) you always have the choice in your response.

Sometimes a problem may seem to take on a life of it’s own whispering into your ears.  If something is worrisome shrink the problem to nothingness by commanding your mind to focus on the good in your life and not that perception of desperation so many cling to.

Ninety-nine of all we worry about never comes to being.  It is a fact. Let it go the quality of your oxygen, the things that you think about and the words that you use will ultimately become your life and your health.  I repeat: You are in charge of where you go from here.

Let’s luxuriate for another minute!  Begin to repeat our personal healing minute.  Sit with your shoulders down and relaxed, but lift your neck to separate the vertebra and discs.  Press your lower back into your chain, which in turn will help both the abdominal area and back; open the chest area by sitting just a bit straighter.

Now take a breath in through the nose slowly, think about all it WILL do for you mentally and physically.  When you exhale (through the mouth) remember this purging breath will empty the carbon dioxide making room for more oxygen, and it is a way to shoot the negative out the fingertips into oblivion.

Inhale deeply again, please.  Now exhale slowly.

You know you can do this throughout the day and it will be your secret weapon in the conquest of really managing stress.

Now your oxygenated brain and body can use that finer intellect to bring forth better choices in words and deeds.  You can do this whenever you choose!  You are the captain of your ship!

In stress management, even as “experts” in the field, we are always open to wonderful ideas, and this post is wonderful!  Enjoy and try it!  Now take a breath of two and read on……

(Don’t forget to enter the contesst – tomorrow is the last day!)

——————————————————————-

“We can reframe bad days by spending some time
before going to bed each night to review the gifts we received that day.

When we have good days, we often find ourselves going over the details later, enjoying them a second and third time as we feel the joy of our good fortune. When we have bad days, we may find ourselves poring over the details of our misfortunes. However, we can re-frame those bad days by making it a daily practice to spend some time before going to bed each night to review the gifts we received that day. Regardless of our evaluation of the day—good, bad, mediocre—we can call forth the many blessings that were present. This practice transforms our consciousness as it reveals the fullness at the heart of our lives.

Some days it’s easy to recount the gifts we’ve received; on other days, we have to look harder for the offerings of the day, but once we do, we will find there are always quite a few. We can keep it simple and be grateful for the fact that we have a roof over our head, nature, food, and our health. Once we have fully experienced these gifts, we can move outward to the gifts that may require a little more thought such as the gifts of forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance that we may have learned that day. We can also always be grateful for the people in our lives who support us, no matter how bad our day may have been.

Just reviewing the many positive offerings in our lives provides a context for our difficulties that puts them in proper perspective, but we can also make an effort to see the gifts even in adverse circumstances. This can be challenging and may require some practice before it feels authentic, but we have all had the experience of a disappointment or loss leading to a surprising gain. Just remembering this and trusting the give and take of life can help us to remember that sometimes the best gifts of all are the ones we don’t recognize right away. In addition, the lessons we learn in the face of adversity are offerings in their own right, allowing us to count patience, wisdom, and fortitude alongside the other gifts of the day.”

from the writers at DailyOm

Does this sound familiar?

“We’re here to help you 24 hours a day, anytime day or night, whenever it is convenient for you – either by phone or on the web!”

How about this?

You dial a number and get put on hold immediately.  In a minute or so you have a recording play:  “All the representatives are busy.  You will have a ten-minute wait. If you choose not to wait, leave your number and someone will call you back.”

After listening to commercials for a few minutes, or loud music, you are asked for information by another recording.  Often times the recording answers: “I did not understand your response.  Repeat your answer.”  You do and then somehow you are disconnected and have to start all over again.

When you finally speak to a human they reiterate:  “Let me check.  I need to put you on hold.”  Several minutes later they come back and say “I have to transfer you to another person”, and then they put you on hold again.

If you’ve experienced one or all of these scenarios you know how frustrating it can be.  This is truly stressful as your hands are tied and you have realistically no other choice but to deal with this problem.

No matter how you would like to throw the phone across the room, or beat it with a hammer, no matter how you would like to swear at the representative or just say, “Screw this”, sometimes DEAL WITH IT – YOU MUST!

So what can you do to alleviate some of these particular stresses?   Here are some examples of easy ways to lessen a dreadful phone experience and lower your stress level.

1.  Use your first defense against stress.  While you are on hold, just take in a slow breath and know you are getting oxygen needed to think optimally.  When you exhale slowly, think:  “I am calm and will not loose my cool”.

This breathing technique will be repeated over and over on this website, because when you realize it works, you will know it is something you can use any time and any place.

2.  BEFORE you pick up the phone or dial the cell, do your breathing.  You will be calmer before being presented with potential volatile scenarios.

3. Keep in mind that the person on the other end of the phone is simply doing a job.  It could be your son or daughter, so tread lightly on them vocally.  You will also protect yourself by using discretion.  You may further problems for yourself if you loose your cool.

4.  Write down the date, names of the persons you spoke with, and any information they gave you.  It’s always good to be able to refer back with specifics, if you need to do so.

5.  Make a game plan before the call.  Note what you want to discuss so you won’t forget important items.

6.  Keep in mind YOUR ANGER is only hurting you mentally and physically – it does not resolve a problem, but adds to it!

7.  Remember: some things we have to deal with are simply STRESSFUL – There no other way to describe it!  You may not have the choice to end these problems on the phone, if you are trying to resolve a problem, but you always have a choice in your response!

8.  KEEP YOUR WORDS POSITIVE.  Approach the meat of the matter intelligently.  If NOTHING gets resolved then accept the fact you just spent the last half hour learning to manage your stress!

9.Think of it as a Saturday night live sketch and find the humor!

http://www.stressmanagementmagic.com/2010/02/contest-stress-free/

Death is never easy, whether your relative or friend dies at a hospital, or home, or in your arms.  No matter how prepared you think you are for the event, temporarily you may hit the bottom of the barrel.  It is a shock.  No one ever thinks death will hit home so closely.

The reality of life is that all humans are bound to die at some point.  That is simply part of life.  It doesn’t make it easier to accept when it happens.

What you can do is this.  Pull yourself together by allowing yourself to have moments to breathe and cry. It’s absolutely okay to have personal periods of mourning and learning to accept the loss.

Contact family and friends for support.  You will be amazed at how everyone will pull together to help you, if they can.

If no one lives near you, or you are absolutely alone, try to find human contact however you can.  Very few people will simply extricate themselves for any length of time from others, though a few people really will choose to mourn privately.  It is a choice.

What has happened is the starkest moment of realization that you are alive. No one knows why one person dies and another remains a living soul.  You now realize, more than ever, life is fragile and there is no guarantee of time allotted to do the things you are working towards.

From the prospective of stress management, remember it will take time to adjust to the fact that this human relationship has ended forever.  Do not be too hard on yourself for any dissension you had prior to the death of this individual.  It happens.  It has no merit now to torture yourself for mistakes you may have made in the relationship with the departed.

Unresolved scenarios are the most difficult to handle, but handle it you will – you have no choice except to do so.  Forgive yourself and find peace where you can.

Initially there will be a brief blitz when people arrive to offer their consolation.  There will be a flurry of activities, food, flowers and hugs.  There will probably be a service and prayers offered.

However the final good-by is handled, whether there is a cremation or burial, remember to use your mindful breathing to calm yourself and help you find a tender mix of intelligent choices with your emotions

Everyone responds differently.  You will find unexpected people popping in to offer sympathy.  Others you may have assumed would be there simply may not opt to, or be able to be there for the events

Try to have great understanding in this are as they have the right to handle “death” in whatever manner they are able. There is no hard and fast rulebook on reactions that may manifest.

Be respectful and supportive of the individual’s decisions in this matter.  Remember too, with the economic trials many people face, it simply may not be possible for family or friends to drop everything, get off work, or travel to be by your side.

Remember the great moments.  Revel in the time spent together with the deceased.  There are stages of grief and you will experience every one of them during the healing process.

For now, take a breath; use your oxygen to empower yourself. You are alive and able to make changes right now!  Don’t punish yourself for the fact you are still here – be grateful you have the opportunity to go forth in a positive and powerful way.  Make your life worthwhile by living it moment-by-moment to the best of your ability and attending to what is really important.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Hug someone.  Tell someone you love him or her.    Spend time with those people in your circle of life and move forth to heal.  Celebrate life. There is no other GOOD choice.