The only person you are destroying – ultimately – is YOU.

SO DON’T GIVE UP!

If you want to change – do it.

If you want help – ask for it; seek it.

If you are alone – pray.

If you are afraid – think of the worst that can happen.  Accept it – then it’s all up hill from there.

The only devastation is from within.  The only defeat is your acceptance of it.  The only one in charge – IS YOU!

Get off your gluts and begin again.  You want stress management?  That’s  my advice.

You are the captain of your ship.  Sink or carry on man!

You Can Deal with Them!

Everyone is irritable or indecisive at times.  But some people are so difficult that they make others’ lives and work a strain.  You know, you’ve walked into your workplace and seen the stress mounting minute by minute.

Dealing with difficult people is easier when you learn to recognize common personality types.  Then it is possible to develop coping skills for dealing with each without trying to change them!

Prior to any confrontation or blow-up, the first defense against this kind of person is for YOU to slow down and do some thoughtful breathing.  Remember your oxygen will regenerate and relax you simultaneously.

There are seven behavior types with whom most people have difficulty.

1.  Bullies.  These are hostile and angry, and throw tantrums to get their way.

2.  Silent personalities.  They don’t say much.  You can yell at them, talk to them, or beg them to talk and you won’t be able to get more than a “yes” or “no” in response.

3.  Complainers.  These people gripe about everything they don’t like, but rarely do they make a move to change the situation.

4.  Very nice people seem to agree with you, but won’t do what they say they will.

5.  Negative responders.  They say no to every new idea and are positive nothing will work.

6.  Know it all.  They always “know better”, are condescending and truly full of themselves.

7.  Procrastinators.  These folks put things off until someone else takes over, or until the decision is made because of delay.

All of these behaviors in people can be very annoying, upsetting and stressful.  They keep everyone except the difficult person off balance.  This can be true even though they may not be trying to control others.

Coping balances the power between people.  It helps everyone get things done without stalling at the roadblocks difficult people set up.

The next time someone practices difficult behaviors around you, try these simple techniques:

For bullies, stand up for yourself.  Use phrases like “I believe” or “I feel”.  Don’t try to fight them.  Instead make your point firmly.

For silent types, ask a question that must be answered by more than a “yes” or “no”.  If you get no response, let this type know your plans.

Speak directly to complainers and let them know you’ve heard their concern.  Then directly ask, “What is it you want?”

Those very nice people have a strong need to be liked; show them that you do.  Then dig to find out what’s really happening.

Don’t argue with those negative responders.  Instead, suggest what won’t work before they do.

When face to face with the know-it-all types, have all the facts before you before you meet.  Raise possible problems, and be ready to follow through.

Listen to the “stallers”. Find out what the real reason for the delay is.  Help them, and ask them for help.

You can’t always avoid difficult people, but learning to cope with them is well worth the effort.  You’ll get more done and be less frustrated.  Your stress level will diminish to an acceptable level, and your ability to handle it will astound you!

Take a breath and have a wonderful day!

After studying and teaching stress management for over thirty years, I have some simple but life altering techniques, observations and realizations.

We all have the power to transform the natural stress that comes from living into energy capable of improving our physical and spiritual health

Secret number one is that the essence of life is transformation. These simple words hold the key for changing your life for the better. Join me in transformation and see if it isn’t so.  These are thoughts for the day that can transform your life and the lives of others

Cherish your pets and the lives of all animals.  They are gifts to us and can be dear friends.

When someone asks for a donation, try to give with whatever you can – So many people have been left homeless-and we are not their judges; just their brothers and sisters.

Breathe deeply and mindfully.  Do it again!

Remember to look for all those blessings we take for granted.  The breeze in the trees, the sound of singing birds, the laughter of a child, these are all blessings we can enjoy!

Take a walk. Crunch leaves as they begin to fall from the trees. Watch the changing colors…it’s AWESOME.  Love!

Humble beginnings or wealth from the start, what truly matters are things of the heart.

Take your family for a walk, or just do something spontaneous for fun together.  Love deeply.

Don’t keep yourself in a prison.  Take a break from your electronics and refresh the memory of talking to a real human, or sitting in the sunshine!

Take a breath.  Stretch.  Smile.

Make a point of actually playing with your children while they are small. Catch a fish, catch a ball, and catch precious moments. We are only here for one short period of time.

Watch the sun rise as darkness lifts, watch the sunset.  How many times have you left to see the stars at night or revel in the full moon?  Not enough in a lifetime for me.

If you can’t leave – take a mental vacation.  Even if it’s just for a minute or two, visualize a favorite place.  Listen to the sounds of nature.  Take a breath and use your mind to renew your zest for life.

Cherish the earth.  It is our home.

Cherish your body.  It is the only place your Spirit has to live!

Don’t let the sour expressions or negative attitudes of people affect your day.

Let your light shine through and be grateful for small miracles.  Start a cycle of sharing smiles and positive thoughts.

Say a prayer kneeling, with head bent and a humble heart and God will tend to your needs.

Take a breath and exhale all your negative thoughts.  Create a wonderful weekend for you and those you love!

Every single thought listed on this post is a form of stress management!  Our thoughts guide our actions.  Our actions build our lives.  Make them “right” thoughts and “thoughtful” actions.  It is a choice!

You can do it!

There are many outstanding websites dedicated to introduce readers to the “why” of stress, it’s causes, and the management of it.  Each has a quantity of excellent information, and the majority of it is credible information. This is an amazing gift.

Stress Management Magic is unique, however, because our goal is to address specific and current challenges we all face in the area of stress management – not tomorrow – but today!

We teach techniques and work with you right online to begin to learn to change your life to one of peace and happiness amidst all the turmoil of 2010.

The time to begin learning to manage stress is not when you can squeeze in a day to think about it.  It is not when you can afford go to a class to practice or pay for a personal trainer. The time is NOW.

Begin now, and with our guidance, within a few short weeks, and perhaps sooner, if you will dedicate small increments of time throughout the day, you will find your world changing.

We offer food for thought on how to handle stressors such as anger, depression, divorce, loss of employment, financial challenges, and aging

We offer tips on improving relationships, managing stress at work, and dealing with a myriad of stress inducing scenarios.

Through posts we work on improving your child/parent relationship, communication skills, and on even improving your own health.

Our goal is simple.  We want you to learn techniques you can use anywhere and anytime.  WHY?  Because, we all have a right to be happy and at peace, and teaching the basic’s should NOT cost a penny!  You have a right as a human being to know how to use innate gifts for your benefit.

If then you choose to join a meditation class, a yoga class, another stress management program, or any other method to “enhance” what you’ve learned here, then bravo!

LET’S GET STARTED!

Take a slow breath in through the nose.  Your additional oxygen will relax and regenerate you simultaneously.  That is how the body works.

Exhale through the mouth, clearing carbon dioxide and making room for more oxygen.

Again, inhale slowly (think: I am feeling better).  Exhale  slowly (think:  I release my negative feelings).

Inhale slowly – exhale slowly.

Do this mindful breathing two or three times. ANY time of day when you feel stress beginning to mount, slow it down by doing this breathing.  Whether you think it will help or not – do it!  You are an oxygen machine, and this is the way the body works. You increase stress by not giving muscles, ligaments, and tendons needed oxygen.  Your brain needs fifty percent more oxygen to think optimally.

If you dareJ……..Push back the chair, and stand up for a moment.  Stretch your arms up to the ceiling and take a breath.  The natural response to a stressful situation is to hold our breaths.  This increases our anxiety as we are oxygen machines and need to breathe!  (You are not ignoring your job:  you are refining your intellect and maintaining a relaxed demeanor to do a better job!

Twist your body a bit.  Lift each leg and rotate your ankle in a few circles.   Wiggle your toes.  Stretch your fingers out and then crunch them together.  Now take another deep inhalation and exhalation.

If peers or family give you a strange inquiring look, just let them know you are taking a mini-management minute to improve your performance and regenerate a bit.  It does work.

When you resume your position, just before beginning the task before you, take another deep breath and give yourself a mental pat on the back.

It’s your life, your body, and your right to keep it finely tuned!  Onward and upward.

May you think in order to be happier, you need more than you have right now – more money, more love, more freedom, more friends, etc. etc. etc.  Simply by thinking in these terms, you may be downsizing your sense of well being, and your own happiness!

Admittedly, evidence shows that genetics contribute to about fifty percent of your happiness set point.  However, that is a far cry from one hundred percent.

If you want less stress and you want to be happier, you must do two things.  You must make a commitment and an effort (as with any meaningful goal in life).  Maybe you won’t go to to a “ten” in happiness, but you surely will become happier!

Many people think stress takes happiness away.  It does.  So what do you do?  You change your attitude and expect happiness to be headed your direction – no matter what

Happiness is not a lover (though that does add to happiness).

It is not marriage, money, or a new destination.   These things contribute to your happiness, but not nearly as much as you might think

Lasting happiness has more to do with simply racking up pleasure experiences or material things…it has more to do with how you behave and think – and these things ultimatelycontrol more than many of life’s circumstances.

Here’s an idea:  help someone else by volunteering or being kind, or generous with your actions.  There is a report of feelings called a “helper’s high” and many people who follow this path even find an alleviation of aches and pains.

Diversion from your own stress and pain can truly add to your happiness.  If you can do something to help someone else, your happiness will accelerate.

In finding that “joy of giving”, you will find your stress diminishing.  Part of the problem with stress is that is you pay attention to it; let you get overwhelmed with it, it will get worse!

Do something that is meaningful to you.  If you do, the activity can promote a sense of gratitude, connectedness, forgiveness or optimism.  If what you do means something to you it will be most successful.

If you want to be happy schedule time to do something outside of your own “self-needs”.  Assess your strengths and develop practices that are best used for these endeavors.

Something as simple as a call to express love, or saying thank you with a robust feeling behind it, will begin the new journey.

Always you must use your oxygen.  If these posts repeat this over and over again, it is because it is the number one stress management technique to use.

Take a breath.  Think about this.  Do something this weekend.

You never know unless you try.  CREATE a happy and beautiful weekend!

This post is for all children who are turning thirteen this year (or those who have just turned thirteen).  It is tough beginning your teenage years.  You are not quite a kid, and not quite an adult!  There are demands made on you from school, parents, and even your friends.

Pick your friends carefully as you often will be judged by the company you keep (for instance if they were troublemakers); friends can also influence you and weaken your own ideas IF YOU LET THEM!  Stick to what you know to be right in your mind and heart.  Now here are some rules that will help you if you think about it!

1.   Wait to get ” seriously involved” – this is the beginning of your life – your choices now will AFFECT THE REST of your life.  Don’t be pressured by anyone.

2.   Pick your battles with your parents.  Ninety-nine percent  of the time they are doing what they feel is the best for you.  Besides, ultimately, they are in charge.  Remember it’s difficult for them to let you spread your wings in decision-making.  They will, in time, be patient and make good decisions when it comes to YOU voicing your opinions.  Make it an intelligent conversation; not an argument.

3.   You are entering a period of chronic low-level insanity.  The “other” sex and freedom seem to be a priority, but you have your entire life to have both. Don’t be rushed. The person you like now may seem just right, but as you mature, your taste will probably change – about ninety-eight percent of “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationships in the teen years changes!

4.   The coolest people I know as adults were those who had many trials as a teenager, and met the challenges with a good mix of emotions and intellect.  The most successful are those who NEVER drank or did drugs of ANY KIND.

5. What may seem like the biggest thing in your life right now may not seem to be so to your parents.  They have their own multiple worries. Try to step in their shoes once in a while.  Parenting is an overwhelming challenge.

6. If something is illegal, there is probably a good reason.

7.  You’re not stuck. It will end. But it’s going to take a long, long time, so be a part of the fun, not the problems.

8.  Pick up your own messes and even help someone else sometimes.  It will pay off in the long run.  When you grow up no one can say, “Boy, he sure lives like a pig”, and you will enjoy your home.

9.  When you feel you haven’t done anything wrong, but you are blamed, remember the truth will always win in the long run – and you may not be the target – the “arrow” may have just hit you.

10.  Even zits have zits. This too shall pass.

11.  Your parents don’t hate you. Your parents love you more than you can even understand now.

12.  Don’t kiss someone if they have a cold sore! – Herpes is contagious and is forever.  There is NO cure.

13. Treat people with respect and don’t forget to say THANK YOU.  In life giving a bit of honest appreciation goes a long way and what you give will come back to you.

First Place Winner:  Flora B. Sumner

Congratulations Flora – A wonderful entry, and soon we will be working together for a fun and a productive time calibrating just the perfect program for you and your lifestyle.  Since I already have your mailing address, I will put your CD in the mail today. Per your request, I will only mention you reside in the state of Florida.

This is Flora’s entry:

1.Accept where you are in life, and who you are.  Accept that you alone are responsible for what happens next in your life, keeping in mind it is not what happens that affects your life, but how you respond to life’s changes and challenges.

2. Learn to breathe correctly and be diligent about the use of vital oxygen. This will ease your stress and help to heal your body.  Everything within you, including your organs, will prosper from doing.  Your mind will relax.

3.  Change your thoughts and you change your life.  Change your thoughts and your words to reflect positive projections of the future. Envision the good coming to you.  If you do not think about being stressed, negative and anxious, your feelings of helplessness will subside. Change your thoughts before it is too late.  You will find your life nearly over sooner than you think so take heed to these words of experience.

I am eighty-six years young.  Thank you very much for accepting my entry, and good luck to everyone.

Flora Belle Sumner

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Second place winner:  Valerie Yancy

Congratulations Valerie – This was a very close contest between first and second place.  Your entry will be posted tomorrow.  We will connect by phone soon and your CD will also be in the mail today!

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Third Place Winner:  Freddy Doyle

Congratulations Freddy - Your prize will be mailed today, and your winning thoughts published along with our second place winner’s entry, on tomorrow’s post.

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Thanks to everyone for entering the contest.  It’s been fun to see so many different perspectives and it was VERY DIFFICULT to select winners, as I believe everyone who entered has really found an edge on their own stress management techniques!

CONGRATULATIONS!   A Virtual Bouquet for all those who entered!    Create a wonderful day.

Known clinically as age-associated memory impairment  (AAMI) some memory lapses are normal to most human beings as they age.  When sick, tired, distracted, or under STRESS the memory is affected more seriously.

Under better circumstances (which means less stress / or at least stress that is managed better) the same person who was troubled by memory problems, is usually able to remember the necessary information with much more ease.

Studies have shown that older people who do poor on timed tests actually do just as well, possibly better than their college age counterparts when permitted to work at their own rate.

Even people in their late forties can show memory problems because of out of control stress manifesting in their lives.  It happens to a large number of people and is not that out of the ordinary.

If you are worried about memory loss, the probability of a serious condition should be less disconcerting, as people with serious memory loss tend to really be unaware of their lapses.

If, however, your memory lapses interfere with normal daily functioning, or if family and friends think the lapses may be serious, there may be reason to check further into the problem.

Any memory loss can be frus­trating and socially embarrassing. While there is no way to eliminate completely the minor memory lapses that occur with age-associated memory impairment, a number of strategies can improve overall memory ability at any time.

The following is a Johns Hopkins report on forgetfulness verses dementia.  It is worth a read and will help those of you who are concerned and would like to have the most current information from a very respected authority on the subject.

“Everyday Forgetfulness vs. Dementia”

“As people age, many become concerned with “senior moments,” that is, brief lapses in memory, such as for­getting a name or where you placed your keys. Such moments of forgetfulness may increase with age, a condition called age-associated memory impairment. But these deficits are often part of the aging process and do not necessarily indicate that a person has a more serious disease. The chart below can help you better distinguish everyday forgetfulness from the type of deficits characteristic of dementia.

Typical Age-Related Lapses

Independence in daily activities preserved

Complains of memory loss but able to provide con­siderable detail regarding incidents of forgetfulness

Person is more concerned about alleged forgetful­ness than are close family members

Recent memory for important events, affairs, and conversations not impaired

Occasional difficulty finding words

Does not get lost in familiar territory; may have to pause momentarily to remember his or her way

Able to operate common appliances even if unwilling to learn how to operate new devices

Maintains prior level of interpersonal social skills

Normal performance on mental status examinations, taking education and culture into account

Symptoms Indicating Dementia

Person becomes dependent on others for daily liv­ing activities.

May complain of memory problems only if specifi­cally asked.  May be unable to recall instances where others noticed mem­ory loss.

Close family members are much more concerned about incidents of memory loss than person.

Notable decline in memory for recent events and ability to converse.

Frequent pauses and substitutions while trying to find words.

Gets lost in familiar territory while walking or driving; may take hours to return home.

Becomes unable to operate common appliances; unable to learn to operate even simple appliances.

Exhibits loss of interest in social activities; exhibits socially inappropriate behaviors.

Abnormal performance on mental status examination not accounted for by education or cultural factors. “

Here are a few suggestions to help you to remember, and lessen your concern and stress regarding memory:

1.  Stay mentally active.

2.  Stay physically active.

3.  Check with your family physician if you or someone you love seems fall into categories listed above.  Some medical conditions, vitamin deficiencies, depression and STRESS can cause memory problems to manifest, and sometimes the problems are reversible.

4. Drop the cigarette habit!  Smokers besmear the quality of oxygen received and actually can cause a mental decline.  Smoking impairs mental function and damages blood vessels.  It also limits nutrients to the brain, and the brain needs fifty percent more oxygen to think optimally than the rest of the body.

5.Limit the alcohol.  Heavy alcohol consumption can hamper proper memory function, and cause mental decline.

6.  Take notes- keep track of your list of things to do.  Write down times to take medications with a check-list format.

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Have a wonderful day, and don’t worry about it – do something about it!  (Much of this material is derived

from Johns Hopkins current information about memory and aging)

Marsha

http://www.stressmanagementmagic.com/2010/02/contest-stress-free/

Do you really want to change your life?

Visualizing is the process of creating detailed mental pictures of behaviors that you wish to create in your life.   The visualization becomes an actual rehearsal for life.  It can be a very useful supplement to your other efforts to overcome shyness, or a lack of self-confidence.

Using creative visualization is not simply positive thinking.  It is a learning process.  This process can be used to create harmony and happiness for you and those close to you.  It can be used as a “rehearsal” before a test or an audition.  Visualization can be a real aid to managing stress.

Researchers have shown that visualization is authentic.  A university study found that people could actually increase the amount of weight they could life by visualizing themselves doing so.

Daydreaming is a form of visualization.  The difference between visualization and daydreaming is that there are gaps in daydreams, and oftentimes in daydreams we picture events that will actually never take place. In visualization we visualize something that is actually more likely to happen.

You need to practice visualization when you know you can relax without fear of interruption.  Try to choose a time when no one else is home, or make a sign that says “Do Not Disturb” and tack it on the door.  It’s okay to tell people what you are doing, but you need privacy and quiet to begin a session.

It is important to be relaxed when visualizing because you want to subconsciously associate a feeling of relaxation with the “situations” you are about to mentally rehearse.  When you actually enter into the “situation” you visualized, you want to be able to recall that relaxed state vividly.

During the visualization you will begin to find your body progressively relaxing as you find yourself becoming an actual part of the scene.  The more you practice the easier it will be to recall the feelings.

All you have to do is try to visualize the scene, and if fact, become a part of it. As you continue to practice you will be able ultimately rehearse for many of life’s stresses and their resolve.

Miracles of healing and excellence in your life are available for you if you are willing to dedicate a small, but consistent amount of time, each day, to practicing and retaining these techniques. Using creative visualization is a learned process. Each time will become easier.

Easy Steps

1. You need no special regimen other than relax with deep breathing for a few minutes before beginning your visualization.  Take off your shoes and put your feet up, be still and breathe to a quiet mood.

2.  Close your eyes and picture the scenario that is causing you worry or distracting you.

3.  Now visualize the exact same scene again, but this time picture yourself responding as you wish to respond.  Picture yourself performing effectively, self-confidently, and successfully.

4.  Visualize what you would like to have happen.  Visualize this scene until you have worked out all the details, the best approach, and how you will feel relaxed and confident.

As with any skill, remember with practice your visualizations will improve.  Be realistic about your visualizations and picture scenes that actually can happen if you believe and go forth with a great attitude.

True Story

I worked with a seventeen year old young man who dreamed of pitching in the majors.  Initially I “threw” the ball with instruction and

information to help him.

He “caught” the ball and was determined to visualize himself in the big league and pitching a “no hit” game.  He practiced every day in his room for 20-30 minutes.  He told me he did this for several months.

To my delight, when I spoke to his mother some months later he was signed to a major league team, and his first game he pitched a “no hitter”.  He gave me the credit, but it was not mine to my credit, but to his.

This young man did it all entirely through the REPEATED practice of what he realistically felt he could do.  He rehearsed until it came to fruition.

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You never know what can happen unless you try!

Fear translates simply into “anticipation” of something bad happening. It is the emotion that makes you feel within that danger lurks close by, and is a threat to you, whether it be physical pain or something else.

Fear can be a positive emotion that reminds you to take care of yourself. Keep in mind, however, fear without restraint that becomes habitual, is dangerous and serves no purpose in resolving anything.

Listen to your feelings, take good care of yourself, and keep your emotions in proportion to the situation by keeping an appropriate perspective.

Being fearful of the future is pointless.  No one can know what will happen ten minutes from now, not even the very next moment.  A better approach to seeing the future would be to anticipate the good that you desire in your life and the lives of those around you.  It is a choice.

No matter what stress you are dealing with at the moment, life can change radically, and without notice. What you have feared may happen you may never see in reality.  Over ninety percent of what you fear will never come to fruition.

Visualization

The ability to visualize with colorful and vivid images, rich imagination and detailed action are natural skills of childhood.  Somewhere along the path between childhood and becoming an adult many people are so overwhelmed with life itself, and so plummeted with “information and responsibilities” that the skills are tucked somewhere in the back of the mind

Visualization skills can be very useful in empowering people to overcome

obstacles in their lives.  FEAR is at the forefront of the list that can be a major obstacle to progress. .  When fear is corralled you will find everything will improve.

Learn to be rational

Man is endowed with the capacity to reason.  We are capable of thinking clearly, sensibly, and logically. Oftentimes, though, our emotions run wild with us and information processed with that thinking disables our ability to manage our thoughts and actions, our ability to use intellect proportionately with our emotions as needed.

When your fear level goes up your ability to think rationally trends downward to the point where you can act in ways inappropriate to the situation.  Being fearful does not indicate there is anything wrong with you since, everyone feels afraid of a wide variety of things, but when fear takes over your life or becomes prevalent in situations where it isn’t appropriate, that is where you should take control.  Learning to be in control of yourself is an important skill to learn and will serve you well all your life.

There are numerous ways to learn to overcome fear.  Stress management videos, classes, and corporate training seminars are only a few ways to help yourself loose this useless appendage.  Take advantage of help available.

But always remember, your number one point of empowerment when fear overrides rational thought is to BREATHE!  You brain needs fifty percent more oxygen for your brain to function optimally.  Use it.