Are you at the point in your life when you are seriously thinking about divorce or ending your relationship? This post is for all relationships, because all humans sometimes suffer similar emotions.
There is no sudden biological event that causes these emotional changes in a male, at least not comparable to the female menopause. Both sexes find may find themselves with similar emotional challenges between the age of forty and fifty, though it can be different timing – as different as we are human beings. Both sexes however, have some of the same feelingsduring the menopause and a man’s mid-life crisis.
Do any of these “symptoms” ring a bell?
-overall unhappiness with life
Those are challenges both sexes need to be aware of to address the emotional turmoil that may envelop a relationship.
I find that if I “know” there is a reason for some feelings, I am better able to meet the challenges of them and not drift a part in my relationship. Therein, AWARENESS is a beginning.
Women are more likely to talk about their “transition”, but men are more likely unwilling to talk about their crisis. What is more, they may not even realize what is happening, deliberately ignore it, or even worse, ignore the fact that aging is taking place!
Why there is a negative connotation attached to menopause and a mid-life crisis is a mystery to me. It should be viewed as perhaps one of the most exciting times in life.
Other than childhood, no other decade is more complex, interesting, exciting, and unsettled. We face change, crisis, flux, growth and intense challenges.
Both transitions have been written about, but in fairness, more about women’s changes than men’s. That is why I will lean towards explaining more about the “man change” as I like to call it.
There are some biological changes to review first. A man will lose some physical and muscle tone, his body weight is shifting and some men begin to loose hair.
Because so much emphasis has been placed on self-image, some men begin to view themselves as less of a man. The ego is bruised.
Lastly, the social aspect of his life may be affected. The world, in clear tones, tells both men and women that life isn’t very meaningful after forty-five or fifty.
For those of you men facing this, and all men will, if you can remember it is normal to the human life and YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. Take a breath! Better to be prepared than to think you are going crazy.
You are already dealing with adapting to a new world of technology, and an economic crisis with lots of job losses faces us all The man change can bring cynicism. You’d hoped by now life would be settled and you would be on your way to retirement. You are caught between generations – your adolescent children and your aging parents. Everyone needs attention. Our culture emphasizes that only the young people can have outrageous fun, and jokes about again seem to confirm it Youth is worshiped, which devalues everyone else. Everyone knows older people have nothing to live for anyway.
Aside from the youth cult putting you down, you have too much pressure bringing home the bacon and trying to make everyone happy! Sometimes you feel just like a machine. You feel like an inadequate vending machine, with everyone pushing your buttons.
On top of it teenagers are having their growth “crisis” at the same time a man might have his! Is there any wonder now, guys, why sometimes you feel like running away?
Your crisis, just like a woman’s menopause, affects everything in your life. But it doesn’t have to be a reason to run away, quit your job, or have an affair with a twenty year old. So many men have gone off the deep end, NOT KNOWING their feelings are legitimate and important to face squarely. You’ve not been a coward before, and this is a natural part of life. Perhaps you didn’t realize the basis for your feelings, but knowing they are normal may help you and your partner to learn to turn things to a better path and a calmer time.
You can put your enemies in a line, like ducks in a row. Your first enemy is your waning physical prowess and strength. Enemy number two is work that you feel is trapping you. The third enemy is your wife and family. What is the ultimate enemy? Why God, of course!
“How could a loving God make me like this. He is ultimately to blame.
Now that we have identified that you guys really are going through some heavy crap….what are we going to do about it? There is hope!
For now I must close the post and meet with the RN who comes over to check up on me twice a week. I am better, but it is a slow process.
Tomorrow we will find ways to cope and rise above these hard times. You need to do this for your peace and happiness, and so you don’t accidentally dump what is really important to you during a fit of anger or depression. In the meantime, take a breath. Find a way to steal a few minutes to take a hot bath (real men take baths!) or just relax and enjoy the evening.