Stress Management Magic

“What exactly does that mean?” you may ask.

It means simply that while you may be an expert at managing all the tasks at hand – whether it means completing a report at the office, finishing a term paper, or multi-tasking for three or four school age children, who have different directions to go, you don’t know how to manage yourself!

You may feel an overload of stress and rather overwhelmed, but you make sure everything is done to the best of your ability. The stressors mount and you pile them neatly within your mind, to deal with later, “when you have time”.

The disaster comes when a “trigger” sets of a string of emotions, in motion, and you have not yet to learned to manage you!

Negative stress is DISTRESS.  Distress causes failure.  Overworking and not coping can destroy your life.  We all experience distress from time to time, it is normal, and unavoidable part of living, but long term chronic stress is positively dangerous and can lead to severe mental and physical disability.

The good news is that you are actively seeking help or you wouldn’t be reading this post right now.  That is an excellent beginning.

Follow up with the same kind of plan you would improvise for work, or school, or the family.  Self-management is an essential skill to deal with all your psychological and physical stress.

Take the time to set you own personal goals.  Create clear goals for everything from exercise to nutrition.  Make room for a class in meditation or yoga.

Begin to take “mini-breathing” breaks throughout the day.  Just take a minute or two at your convenience, using deep inhalations and slow exhalations, fully exhaling.  As you inhale think: I am regenerating my oxygen machine.”  As you exhale think:  I am releasing negative and limiting thoughts.”

Stretch just a bit throughout the day, as well.  Simple stretches will do.  Arms overhead, hands clasp and stretching forward, gently rolling the head from shoulder to shoulder, pointing the toes and then pressing them back towards your body – any or all of these will really help keep you more relaxed.

Remember that if you fall apart you won’t be any good for anyone!  All those professional and personal dreams will fade away if you don’t care for you!

It doesn’t matter how “warm and fuzzy” you feel towards your children, when they reach pre-teen and teenage years, you will begin to feel the stress mount.

These are the times you children will begin to spread their wings and hone their skills for adulthood.  These are the times they will begin to voice strong opinions and do seemingly arrogant acts of defiance.

Remember these things come with the territory and are natural.  Many times what “appears” to be open resistance to your rules are just a natural spurt of independence, perhaps not performed as optimally you would hope for, but nonetheless, this will happen.

First in the line of defense (for your own intellect and calmness in the situation) – use your secret weapon. Begin breathing deeply and slowly and exhaling in the same manner.  This will calm you and help your brain to get the oxygen for a better response.  Being reminded of our gift of breathing is not a bad thing.  The more you are reminded, and use the gift, the more effectively you will handle the myriad of scenarios that will come.

Parents can make a huge difference in providing guidance and support for their teens.  At times it may not seem like your teen wants you around, and he or she may not all the time, but your child really does need you and knows you care.

Try to spend positive times together.  It’s impossible to love your teen too much.  Try to stay close and warm.  Remember to say, “I love you”.

Of course you have to set limits and structure.  You have to be clear in communication and let the teen know what you expect.  Rules and expectations should change throughout your child’s life, but all children need boundaries, discipline and love – and in that order.

One of the most important things is to be consistent.  Be consistent with your partner, and be consistent if you are alone.  Mixed messages can lead to frustration for parents and children.  The children need consistency to help them to learn to structure their lives.

Try to stay involved in your teen’s life.  Ask questions about school, schoolwork, and friends.  Attend your teen’s extracurricular activities.  Whether they say so or not, they NEED to know you are just as interested in them now as when they were younger.  Meet families of those teens that spend a large portion with your teens.

Explain yourself with discussion – not with yelling and abusive language.  Discuss the reasons for your rules and what consequences they may face for not following them.  Respect your teen and the teen will respect you.

TRY WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT not to use HARSH discipline.  Harsh discipline includes yelling, slapping, hitting, and belittling.  If the situation is volatile, take a “break” and each of you pull yourself together and calm down for a while.  Words cut like a knife and you don’t want to regret your years down the road.  Besides, impulsive or reactive behavior just instigates a negative response from your teen and nothing will get accomplished.

Pick your arguments.  There will be many opportunities to disagree, but unless the scenario is life-threatening or really may be a danger to your child, remember they do need to do a certain amount of decision making that is positive and empowering to them.

Your teen is changing.  Physically, emotionally and cognitively, your teen is preparing for life as an adult in a difficult and trying world.  Be patient.  In the long run you will be glad you did.

Keep in mind, these youngsters are experiencing the most stress thus far in their young lives.  Try to be empathetic and remember how difficult it was!

If you need to get help, look for resources locally, and on line.

If you do these things your life and the life of your teen will be one hundred percent better!  Be on the teen’s side from an adult view, not another stumbling block in the path of their maturing.  Remember how much you loved them before this age and still do!

Take a breath and remember:” This too shall pass”.

Stress “Unmanaged” Will cause violence in a staggering number of people. It is almost inevitable!

Whether we choose to believe it or not, stress unmanaged will ultimately cause violence in many people.  Domestic violence, abuse towards children, intimate partners, (regardless of gender) and the elderly is on the rise.

Stress unmanaged can change of the body chemistry and can do can do infinite damage to credible brain function management. Anger causes words to cut to the heart, and actions to damage the recipient for his or her entire life in many circumstances.

Don’t be fooled.  Don’t be naïve.

There is a boiling point for water and for human emotions.  Whether the water stays in the pot or boils over, ultimately that, which is in the circumference of the pot, can be damaged or ruined entirely. .

Such is it with human behavior. Consequences of unmanaged stresses inflict suffering and can be life threatening.

Family conflicts are usually the result of stresses created in dysfunctional families.  Low levels of family conflict are warning signs for families that they are at risk of much greater abuse.  Any family member may intentionally or unintentionally contribute to the escalation of violence.

Stress is often created by feelings of hopelessness and or helplessness.  Other things that add to that could be excessive work hours, financial strain, and alcohol or drug abuse.

Personality disorders and/or early traumatic life experiences often predispose people to use violence in their own family relationships as adults.

Arguments created by stress can escalate.  Spontaneous arguments can lead to threats or actual physical assaults…without specific patterns, but they almost invariably escalate to more serious and injurious physical assaults.

We like to think “things” will resolve, or time will pass to “make it better”. For those individuals with particular personality traits or particular body chemistry, the danger lurks in close proximity to all who are near.

If YOU or someone near you is within the perimeters of this description, do something! Whether it be finding counsel (and if it is for YOU – please – do it now!) or just talking with family to consider action.

SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE IMMEDIATELY>not just for the individual, but also for all who may tread in the same path, either by coincidence, or choice.

It YOU one of the people referred to in the paragraphs above, PLEASE take a slow breathe now in though the nose.  Now exhale slowly through the mouth.  Please do it again several times.

The added oxygen will calm you and help you to think more rationally, and remember, you have already taken the first step towards helping yourself by searching the Internet!  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  Connect with someone – perhaps a local group that deals with anger management.  Take time for yourself – you can’t afford not to do so!

If you are totally overwhelmed and need help and don’t know who to turn to you can email:  mo@jett.net.You are not alone.

Exercising your mind!  Your thoughts and words are self- fulfilling prophecies.

Be careful – You will get what you desire and think about.

Whatever you pay attention to, whatever you dwell upon, will ultimately manifest in your life.

You can choose your thoughts.

You are the energy you project, whether it is negative or positive.

From your perceptions you conceive much of your life.

Find celebrations in the moment. Don’t regret the past, for it is the past and experiences can be tools for learning. It cannot be changed.  Don’t anticipate trials and fears happening in the future, for they may never happen.

The power of your thoughts is real. Never let another person, or a scenario in life, enhance your healing, your thoughts, your heart. You are in charge of you.

Seeds have been planted in us all our lives.  Many of them, tragically, planted from failings of other generations long ago, transported as habit, doing great harm decades later.

Start to plant your own garden.  Create and elevate the thoughts that will bring the reality you choose into your life.

You can’t celebrate what you can’t detect.  Most of us are living in the fog of our own thoughts, unaware of the blue sky above.  You are so much more than your negative and limiting thoughts. Let go.  Happiness can be yours this very instant, if only this instant.  The moment can be yours.

Mind over matter works in stressful times

Exercising your mind will help manage your stress.  It doesn’t matter if you are about to begin the performance of a lifetime, start a project of killer magnitude, attend the funeral of a best friend, or visit your in-laws:

WHATEVER NEEDS TO

BE DONE CAN BE DONE MORE EFFECTIVELY WHEN YOU EXERCISE YOUR MIND.  IF YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND, YOU WILL BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR “MATTER” (your own body).

You need to begin to take charge and learn that you can manage whatever the circumstances may render necessary. If you exercise your thoughts, your resolve will be finer.

No matter what the circumstance, think about your oxygen and take a breath!  Take another and exhale deeply, regaining your composure; get the oxygen to the brain for this oxygen machine.

Kill the pain with internal pharmaceuticals and positive thoughts created by you.  Regenerate.  Relax and take control of your life.  In that moment or two you supply your “tank” with premium oxygen, your brain will charge and the more profitable and beneficial response will then come to fruition.  It will happen.

When you think, “I can’t handle this” – think again.  Think instead, “I can and will handle this.”  Take a breath.  Make it happen.  Only you can make it happen.

Tap the resources we all have.  The gold comes from within.

Read below and Find Immediate and Simple Solutions

1.  Stop it.  Stop the pity party.  Wearing your burdens like a fine gown or suit will not change a thing.  I don’t mean to be hard nosed, (this admonishment is for me too), but it is the truth!  All the whining in the world does not change a thing!

We all have days that we just can’t seem to pull our brains up to even a flat-line.  It happens. It happened to me today, at least until a “resource” cell I planted in my brain reminded me:  It is a choice!  How you respond to life is a choice.

2.  Take a breath.  Right now.  Don’t do another thing until you breathe deeply in through the nose – and exhale slowly through the mouth, completely emptying your lungs.  Now inhale slowly and think:  “I am alive. I have a choice how to respond to stress.  I have the choice to be happy.”

Exhale and think:  I will exhale all the garbage that is making me feel overwhelmed.  Thinking negatively will do nothing but hurt me.”

3.  Divert your attention. If you cannot resolve all that is terrorizing you – move to something that is less stressful.  Tackle something else with the resolve that you will return to what has upset you, when you are calmer.

4.  Fake it!  Fake yourself right out of your misery. Have you never counterfeited feelings to help someone else, or because you needed to ignore your feelings to complete a deal, or when someone else needed help and you were there for them?  It’s your turn now.  Do it for yourself.  All the classes in the world, all the counseling, all the reading of fine materials on the internet and books, won’t do a thing for you if you let yourself be down time after time.  If you have to do so, fake it until you feel better.

5.  Immerse yourself in doing something for someone else.  You can’t think of two things at once.  Get busy doing something for someone else and get off the train to hell, which is throwing a pity party for you.  There is always someone worse off than you.  Open your heart and give when you hurt – you’ll feel better.

6.  Be your own best friend.  We critique ourselves, we demean our own being, and we needn’t do it.  If you think about it you will find there are some terrific qualities within you.  Give yourself a pat on the back for good things you’ve done and remember whatever the trials that are plaguing you today, will be replaced with other worse ones tomorrow! Truly, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.   Give yourself a break, and take a breath!

Someone cares.

How can you handle these MAJOR stresses?

How to prepare

This is a difficult subject, so why not just take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth.  Doing a bit of mindful breathing will aid any circumstance by helping you to keep your muscles relaxed, and your mind sharp. Please do it again.

Almost every human being will endure, at least one time in his or her life, the loss of a loved one. Death comes to us all.  It is the natural progression of human life, and is just a matter of time.

Most people will also experience at least one serious family dispute. These are two major stresses. There is a correlation between the two.

When death occurs there will be stages of grief that you go through.  The stages include denial, guilt, anger, bargaining with a higher power, depression, and finally becoming more functional in accepting the reality of it all.

The time for each stage will depend on the awareness each individual has, and as with any stress, the work the individual is willing to do, to begin the healing.

Many fine websites and books discuss these stages in depth.

However, when you are experiencing the scenario, it may not seem like the time to study.  Here is what you can do prior to the death of a loved one:  be aware of the stages you will go through.  Learn about each one and consider your work to be invaluable for the future.  It will be.

Plant a seed of “knowing” that it will happen at some point, and be prepared with knowledge.  If you are caring for an elderly family member, or all close to someone with a terminal illness, it is important to talk with them about death. Often the discussion is avoided because it seems too difficult.

Think about the person it’s happening to.  They need to talk about it.  Talking about any stress helps to relieve it to a point, and this one is particularly important to address.

When the event of loss occurs your first thought should be to breathe.  It is a gift and will help you to stabilize and it will also help calm you for the coming events of saying goodbye, notifying everyone, and preparing for the funeral / burial.

You cannot think of two things at once so concentrate on mindful breathing for a few moments initially.  The brain and the body need it desperately at these moments.

Allow tears.  After the initial shock, try to switch from your emotions to your intellect; there will be people to contact and arrangements to make.

Focus and engage the help of those near you.  Mourning is less traumatic if you can share it with others.

During all the time after the death of someone you love, all the stages of grief, remember to empower your decisions with substantial oxygen.  Remember the suffering for those lost is over.

This touches only lightly on the subject.  Continue your search for help in handling all you need to know to survive optimally. You will get through it

———–

The correlation of death and serious family disputes is this:

When you are alienated from family or friends because of a disastrous event, or a series of events, it equates to “the loss of a loved one”.

Hostility between family members can be devastating.  You may be able to reconcile and work out your differences, but if you can’t, it can paralyze you for a time.

The first reaction should be to STOP; empower yourself with oxygen. If you don’t breathe, and most trauma causes shallow breathing, muscles and ligaments tighten, and your intellect to diminish.

If you can find a resolve to the problem, be the first to opt for peace and discussion.  If you see no possibility of it happening, then you must accept what you cannot change.

Worrying about it or trying to change what is impossible is simply a waste of your life.  Acceptance may be your only option.

As with the death of a loved one, the loss of communication with a family member can cause similar stages of grief.  This isn’t happy news, but it is reality.  You cannot move forward if you are unable to accept what have no control over.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Spend time with those people remain in your circle of life, and move on. There may be no other choice.

How do you quell anger, find peace, forgiveness, and reconciliation?

There will be times in your life when you feel you someone has treated you unfairly.  Whether your feelings are legitimate or not, whether you are to blame or not, they are still feelings that procreate stress, and they need to be managed effectively.

Though you cannot control every circumstance in your life, or the behavior of others, you can choose your perception of the scenario, and your response in every situation.

Your perceptions can either pull you down or lift you higher. They can either serve you or limit you.  The choice is yours.

First step to empowerment: always, the mindful use of your oxygen.  This cannot be mentioned too many times, as your oxygen intake and exhalations will begin the mental and physical changes that welcome higher intellect and a more relaxed state.

When a challenge faces you, remember that if your thoughts harbor fear or thoughts of limitation, you will confront the situation differently.  You need to courageously decide to look at things differently.

You need to remind yourself that from within you are qualities and resources of strength and courage that you may not have called on before.  Claim your power to choose how you show up in life.

Any anger or unforgiving feelings that you keep within will ultimately hurt you – not the offender.  It takes practice to release harmful habits.  Anger withheld takes a toll on your physical and mental wellbeing.  Find a way to replace anger with eagerness to find a resolution to the problem.

Want to be a “real man” (or woman)?  Forgive.  Forgiving allows you to mend.  It is courageous, and a move that can be one of the first steps to adopt new life-enhancing your habits and your thoughts.

Don’t let circumstances and the actions of others stand in the way of your growth.  Don’t let others actions dictate how you will respond.  There is nothing as surprising to an adversary as discovering his or her target is someone who is forgiving and offers a peaceful response.

Rather than being controlled by “out of control emotions”, your intellect will guide you calmly in finding answers if you choose, and activate, a positive perception of  “challenges” that come into your life.

Don’t dwell on the negative.  What has happened is in the past…even if it was only moments ago.  Begin anew and choose your life.

Take a breath in through the nose, and think,  “I am calm and will react affirming my intellect.”

Exhale and think:  “I release anger, tension, and negative thoughts to make room for positive ones.”

Create your life.

Learn the Secrets of Resilience: Here and Now

These are tough times.  With job losses (which includes financial stress as well), foreclosures, the threat of a health pandemic, and war, it is not surprising that stress is mounting.

Life can be tough and challenging.   Even in times that feel calmer and more secure, there will always be the need to manage stress.  Remember, stress can be positive too, such as preparations for a wedding or new baby. Learning to be resilient can be a lifesaver!

Resiliency varies from person to person, and has a genetic component.  Recent studies show that certain genes may protect your emotional back draft of trauma.

This is important to keep in mind: Almost any “behavior” can be learned.  Research has shown that resilient people share common qualities. They are ones that you can  cultivate; learn to manage, and ultimately to help master any crisis.

Right now, please take a slow and deep breath in through your nose.  This is your life.  Think as you breathe in.  I can meet any challenge, and rise above it.

Exhale slowly and as you release the carbon dioxide, release any negative fears.  Release the frame around your life that says, “I can’t handle this.” Make room for new oxygen and new thoughts.

Negative thinking is just a bad habit. Experts agree that changing habits will be easier for some than others, but everyone has the potential ability to do it. You must change your mindset.

When you catch yourself thinking negatively challenge your thinking to put a positive spin on what you are experiencing.  Be patient with yourself.  Changing habits requires dedication, and the belief you can do so.

Join an online support group, or find a local group to stay connected.  You are not alone.  Encouraging others will return to you in encouragement.

People who are resilient realize focusing on things that are out of their control is a waste of time and energy.  Whining or complaining doesn’t help, but refocusing time and energy to something with a better outlook will help.

Keep in mind a good diet and regular physical activities are crucial buffers against stress.  Exercise actually helps repair neurons in the brain areas that are particularly susceptible to stress!

In a nutshell:

1.  When facing mountains that are insurmountable, use your oxygen as often as possible to relax, release negative thoughts, and regenerate the body.

2.  Change the habit of negative thinking.  Watch your words.  Your brain reacts to your thoughts.

3.  Find a support group – or family and friends – to share ideas and work as a team.

4.  Look for a silver lining.  Spend your thoughts wisely.

5.  Keep a sense of humor.  You can find humor in many circumstances if you look.

6. Resilient people convert misfortune into education.  They gain strength from adversity.

Don’t Hurry to Death!

Over thirty-three million people will be traveling by car this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. Tradition dictates we cook fabulous meals (which usually means you will spend more money at the grocery store), visit relatives, or have visitors for dinner, and take the time off, whether we can afford to do so or not!

Wow! The REAL thanksgiving will probably happen AFTER the holiday and time off work – if it comes at all!  Here are a few tips to actually help you enjoy what is supposed to be a festive time for family and friends. These are some “stress buster” thoughts to put into action.

Advertisers like to promote the standard “turkey dinner with all the trimmings”.  They like to sell us decorative items and special desserts.

Don’t BUY into the necessity of all they are selling.

Don’t feel obligated to invite people if you cannot financially afford to do so.

The day is meant to express gratitude for our bounty.  If you are healthy, or have a family or even just a place to rest your head at night, be grateful.  So many on this planet don’t have even meager food or belongings.  Keep those thoughts fresh in your mind.

If you are driving to visit, prepare in plenty of time to be relaxed during the drive.  All those last minute details, all the planning, all the hopes of a great time will be dashed if you find yourself in a head on crash because your stress level is out of control!  Take a breath.  Think about that.

Sing.  Take a breath.  Play positive music that makes everyone’s heart beat calmly.  Laugh together. Teach the family to breathe, and take a breath together!  This will help everyone.  It will create a calmer presence and less stress for everyone.

We are not guaranteed more than the moment. Be grateful for time together.

If you are going to share time with family or friends, then certainly, if you are running late, make sure you are considerate enough to call if you feel there is any chance you will not be on time.  The love those people feel for you should forgive the tardiness.

Don’t yell at the children because they are not flying on YOUR time schedule.  They are children.  Try to be flexible and remember what is important.  How great is a memory of someone screaming, “Hurry, we’ll be late for our Thanksgiving visit!”

Create a new “tradition”.  Really make the time festive and restful too.  Present whatever food you have with grandeur and say, “We are having food to eat tonight!  How wonderful is that!”

How to Cope

School is on and parents are all handling it differently! Some can hardly wait for school let out for the holidays, to get the children back to the home environment, and be free of replenishing supplies that are necessary; such as the cost of books and school supplies and clothing.

They relish relinquishing the tasks of shuttling children to school activities and sporting events, PTA, helping with homework, and all the parental duties that go along with those who have children in school.

Others are dreading the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  They envision hours in a day with the kids saying: “Mom (or dad), I’m bored.” “I’m hungry.”  “Can you take me to my friend’s house?”  “It’s too cold to play outside”.  “Can I have friends over?

Either way, with children, there will always be stressful scenarios. Scenarios you can succumb to by letting the stress envelop your being, or scenarios you can deal with by managing the stress effectively.

When you begin to feel yourself paralyzed by the “dread” of things to come, do exactly what you are doing right now!  Take a moment or two to do something for you!  Take a breath.  Seriously.  A bit of mindful breathing is a great beginning.

Whether it’s reading a quick article, just sitting still for a few moments, or taking an unplanned trip to the store to pick up a few things you need or want!

You are DIVERTING your own attention from this anxiety surrounding “school and children”.  Instead of focusing on potential problems in the future, concentrate on something else for the moment.

Diversion is good.  The definition, simply put, is “an instant of turning something aside from its course”. We are only capable of thinking about one thing at a time!

This does not suggest that you will never need to think about the challenges you face, but it will give you just a bit of time (while doing one of these activities or something you choose) to take a breath!

When you breathe, your intellect is sharper.  When you are stressed out your breathing slows without even knowing it, which in turn stresses you out even further.

This is the bottom line.  You will never complete the list of things that need to be done. Something else will always manifest as a potential stressor.

The only time we are done for sure is when we are dead! On going demands will bury you alive though, if you don’t realize that the only way to be in charge is by making the best choices in handling your challenges, and then letting go.

Ninety five percent of all that you spend your life worrying about NEVER COMES TO FRUITION! Honestly!  Worrying about not being able to “take care of all that is necessary”, is simply a waste of your time and energy.

Prioritize, delegate, stay in the moment.  You know what needs to be done. It is about time you give yourself credit for handling so much already!

Remember life will always give us stress to manage, whether it is good or bad.  We may not have the choice in what happens to us, or the demands that challenge us, but we ALWAYS have a choice in the response to these things.

It is not necessary to implode, or explode. Loosing your cool will only worsen the scenario. When you find yourself in the position of having just too much to do, perhaps in too little time, and there is NO WAY to change it, stop for a moment and rethink it!

If you are the person in charge of doing the multitude of tasks that face you, then the only thing you can do is ACCEPT doing what you can, realizing that is the best you can do.  RESPOND calmly and do all that you can do.  That is all you can do!

Is the list “TO DIE FOR”?  Don’t let life’s challenge paralyze you.

The truth is, unless you have someone you can “pass the ball to”, you’d better start using positive affirmations to create those brain cells necessary to take care of business.

Don’t let the negatives overpower you.  Take a breath and think:

“I will get things done to the best of my ability.”

“I will take each moment as it comes and remember that I am capable and dedicated to finding resolve to challenges.”

“I will remember that I can only do so much in one day, one hour, one moment.”

“I will remember that my children and all the children whose paths I cross will look to my attitude and demeanor as either horrible or positive, and they will learn from me.”

If you are a person of faith then truly the first thing that should be done is asking for help.  Just as your children look to you for help and ask repeatedly for it, pray often!  Of course with prayer must come letting go and letting God oversee your needs.  That’s faith.

If you do not believe then your only choice is to decide whether you want to let things drive you crazy, or whether you will simply do what you have to do!  Affirm your capabilities and breadth of intellect sprinkled with the right amount of emotion.

Get ready whatever may be headed your direction.  Stay flexible.  Anticipate all the positive things that will enhance your children’s lives, and remember this time is fleeting.

One day soon you will recall the excitement of these days, wishing you could do it all again. Make them calm and joyous. Make your children glad to be alive and excited about it all.

YOU CAN DO IT!  Take a breath and rock and roll.