Stress Management Magic

This writer began the website with the premise that I would always be truthful about handling stress. Today I’ll prove it.

I never dreamed the day would wind up like this.  It began like any other.  But one thing about life I know for sure is that you cannot count on things remaining the same, and just as you believe you “have things under control”, another stressor will come to fruition.

I have made many mistakes in this life, as we all do.  I know the majority of them and have endeavored to learn and go forth.  Apparently something triggered this and what is done, is done.

So where am I going with this?  This website is dedicated to teaching stress management techniques that work in crisis.  This “problem” is a huge crisis for me, and here is how I am handling it.

No one ever said some stress is not disastrous.  No one ever said it couldn’t break your heart – at least for a time.

The first thing I did was to allow myself to cry. The kind of cry that makes you sob long after the tears diminishes.    As a matter of fact, I am still weeping after several hours.  A good cry washes the eyes and releases all the pent up emotions that are strangling us from within.

I also stopped and used my oxygen to “settle down” and keep my body relaxed, and my mind functioning as optimally as possible.

If you are alone (and I am alone, for a time), remember there is help somewhere. I did hug my puppy. It’s proven that hugging or petting an animal is a great help to calm stress.

If you have a friend, neighbor or relative that you can share with, call them.  I said prayers.  There are also resources available to help you if you are desperate.

Call your church; look up websites for critical help.  Call local organizations that are available for counseling.

I am settled enough now to sit and write this post, and believe it-the writing has actually made me feel better.  It has made me quit crying, and settle down. It has diverted my attention to what is in front of me, and not the reality I can do nothing to change this situation right now.  I did not react and get mad.  I am slowing myself so I will be able to make rational decisions about this problem.

Go for a walk.  You can workout at the gym.  Diversion can be a lifesaver.

Remember, some things in life YOU will not be able to resolve like you would desire to do so!  That’s just the way it is.

Suicide is not an option.  It’s actually rather stupid as it

really stops ANYTHING.  No healing, no life.  It leaves a legacy you probably wouldn’t want to have as people are remembering you.

Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes – they are not the answer.  They take away your true self and muddle your thoughts and reactions.

So this is the reality as it is happening to me.  You may not be able to change the scenario, but you always have a choice as to your response to it!

I am going to take a few more breaths, close for today, and simply say, YOU CAN HANDLE whatever comes up as a stress factor.  I am.

You are not alone either.  If you need to do what I am doing by writing, drop me an email and I will respond with the best help I can share!

Yes it can!

Everyone knows that laughter feels good.  Laughter can make any situation a little more bearable, but did you know it could actually make you healthier?

Children laugh about 400 times a day.  Adults only laugh about 15 times a day, and that’s not the majority of adults.

Many of us get so wrapped up in the serious side of our jobs, whether it be in an office, working outside, or parenting.  The trouble with that is we simply aren’t laughing enough.  When we get so bogged down and serious, our stress levels spiral out of control.  Oftentimes we forget there is really still a lighter side to life.

How often do you let yourself laugh?  How often to you chuckle or really laugh until it hurts?  Not often enough I’d bet!

Laughter is really an all-around health booster.  According to “Science of Laughter” on the Discovery Health Web site, when we laugh, natural killer cells, which destroy tumors and viruses, increase.

Not only that, but Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein, T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells

(which make disease -fighting antibodies) increase too!

Blood pressure lowers with laughter, and you breathe more when laughing, thereby increasing oxygen in the blood.  That also encourages healing.

Be aware though, what “some people” call humor is not beneficial.  When jokes and laughter turn into jabs towards others, and yourself, you are no longer reaping the benefit of your laughter, and are in fact increasing pain and putting distance between yourself and others.

Healthy humor is a whole body experience comprised of three key components:

1.  Laughter, the reflexive and contagious physical experience.

2.  Wit, the cognitive experience.

3.  Amusement (or mirth), the feel good emotional experience enhanced when shared with others.

When these three elements are part of your “laughter” experience, you can be absolutely sure your body is benefiting!

Laughter really does lower blood pressure.  Many tests have shown that those who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than the average person.

Laughter protects our hearts.  Laughter can help prevent heart disease.

The “humor factor” actually changes our biochemical state, similar to what the “flight or fight” syndrome does – only laughter changes are good.  It decreases stress hormones and increases infection-fighting antibodies.  It makes us more attentive, and increases the heart rate and pulse.

Laughter is a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles.  It actually gives us a good workout.  It massages abdominal organs, tones the intestinal functioning, and strengthens muscles that hold abdominal organs in place.  A hearty laugh can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or an exercise bike.

Humor does improve brain function, which in turn helps relieve stress.  It stimulates both sides of the brain to enhance our intellect and learning.  It eases psychological stress and allows people to retain more information.

When we laugh our ability to connect with others improves.   Humor helps us to replace negative emotions with good feelings.

When humor enters it changes our behavior.  We talk more, make more direct eyes contact with others, our energy increases, and simply put, it makes us feel better!

Look for everyday humor.  There is humor to be found!  There are things constantly around us that can incite humor if we let them.  Honestly, you can find silly things happening around you every day.

Look at children.  They can find humor in anything! Surround yourself with positive people.  Take a humor break and pick up a book of jokes to read.  When you start to feel pressured, pick the book up and read a few jokes.

I remember a time years ago that I went to the beach with friends.  Trying to impress the guys, I attached a long ponytail to my own hair.  I looked hot!

When asked to play volleyball I said, “Of course.”  I had a hundred pins holding the darn thing in.  We played for a few minutes and then my ponytail fell off!

Everyone looked shocked and I simply said “Time out”, and I set it by the sidelines and kept playing.  No one laughed or mentioned it, and the game continued.  I played hard and our team won.

When over, I put the hairpiece in my purse and my friend and I went back to the house.  Once the door was closed we burst into laughter and fell down on the floor and laughed until our sides hurt.  I’m still smiling.

Rather than suffer humiliation or embarrassment, I chose to ignore the stress, and just keep going.  It was the best thing I possibly could have done.

Remember, this is your life!  Don’t forget to have fun.  Enjoy your life.  Take a breath and take heart.  It will work out easier if you remember to laugh!

Smile now.  The good times are closer than you think.

If you think you are stressed out, look around you!  You can see it on the faces of your family and friends.   You can see how the pressure of putting twenty things to juggle in the hands of a peer at work affects them.  You can hear it in their voices.

You can see the worry by the deep creases in their brows.  You can hear it in the voice of a mother who yells at her child, not to be mean, but because she is tired, and is feeling pressure mounting and tension building.

Notice the disgruntled worker who looses it and flies into a violent rage. His stress is revealed through the explosion manifested from the implosion that took an outward reaction to stress.  They too are on the verge of exhaustion, and could be creating high blood pressure and a potential heart attack!

Don’t say it doesn’t matter how other people feel, because the truth is, it does.  Where there is stress there is disharmony, discomfort, and danger lurking in every corner.

You can be a key factor in changing things if you begin with you!

So how do we work out of these scenarios?  We learn to REALLY manage stress, and REALLY relax!  I don’t mean the kind of relaxation that is poured into a glass, or the kind that you feel when you smoke a cigarette or have a food binge session.  Those things are NOT really relaxing!  Trust me.

Sit back a bit and straighten up and take a nice slow breath in through the nose. Think about it moving throughout your head, giving your brain optimal oxygen.  Then exhale slowly.

With just that simple exercise, you have honestly improved your mind, your energy, and relaxed yourself at the same time.  Does this sound too good to be true? Not even!  It is the physiology of the human body to react in those ways without you even knowing.  But you will if you practice.

Remember the axiom, a Latin proverb, “repetition is the mother of all learning”.  We encourage our children to practice whatever task they are trying to accomplish, so we need to keep that in mind when it comes to ourselves.

You will only your best self if you treat yourself as you would a friend!

With each practice of just this breathing, you are creating new brain cells, and enhancing your life.  Your blood pressure will drop, and your muscles and ligaments and tendons will stay relaxed and flexible.

Do it once an hour.  Are you worth it?  Are you worth taking twenty to thirty seconds every hour to manage your stress and improve your life?  I think you are!

You Can Deal with Them!

Everyone is irritable or indecisive at times.  But some people are so difficult that they make others’ lives and work a strain.  You know, you’ve walked into your workplace and seen the stress mounting minute by minute.

Dealing with difficult people is easier when you learn to recognize common personality types.  Then it is possible to develop coping skills for dealing with each without trying to change them!

Prior to any confrontation or blow-up, the first defense against this kind of person is for YOU to slow down and do some thoughtful breathing.  Remember your oxygen will regenerate and relax you simultaneously.

There are seven behavior types with whom most people have difficulty.

1.  Bullies.  These are hostile and angry, and throw tantrums to get their way.

2.  Silent personalities.  They don’t say much.  You can yell at them, talk to them, or beg them to talk and you won’t be able to get more than a “yes” or “no” in response.

3.  Complainers.  These people gripe about everything they don’t like, but rarely do they make a move to change the situation.

4.  Very nice people seem to agree with you, but won’t do what they say they will.

5.  Negative responders.  They say no to every new idea and are positive nothing will work.

6.  Know it all.  They always “know better”, are condescending and truly full of themselves.

7.  Procrastinators.  These folks put things off until someone else takes over, or until the decision is made because of delay.

All of these behaviors in people can be very annoying, upsetting and stressful.  They keep everyone except the difficult person off balance.  This can be true even though they may not be trying to control others.

Coping balances the power between people.  It helps everyone get things done without stalling at the roadblocks difficult people set up.

The next time someone practices difficult behaviors around you, try these simple techniques:

For bullies, stand up for yourself.  Use phrases like “I believe” or “I feel”.  Don’t try to fight them.  Instead make your point firmly.

For silent types, ask a question that must be answered by more than a “yes” or “no”.  If you get no response, let this type know your plans.

Speak directly to complainers and let them know you’ve heard their concern.  Then directly ask, “What is it you want?”

Those very nice people have a strong need to be liked; show them that you do.  Then dig to find out what’s really happening.

Don’t argue with those negative responders.  Instead, suggest what won’t work before they do.

When face to face with the know-it-all types, have all the facts before you before you meet.  Raise possible problems, and be ready to follow through.

Listen to the “stallers”. Find out what the real reason for the delay is.  Help them, and ask them for help.

You can’t always avoid difficult people, but learning to cope with them is well worth the effort.  You’ll get more done and be less frustrated.  Your stress level will diminish to an acceptable level, and your ability to handle it will astound you!

Take a breath and have a wonderful day!

Relationship problems can steal your life right out from under you.  The “tradition” in marriage has been to stick it out no matter what happens…suck up the tough times and get counseling; whatever it takes to live up to the words of the vows, “keep the family together”, and retain society’s ideal of marriage.

GET REAL!  There is a point that you must draw the line.  We all know that.  What seems to be a forgotten protocol is that life continues AFTER you draw the line.

How many times have you moved backwards in order to accommodate that very person stepping over the line once again.  What good is a line of demarcation (boundary or limits) if you justify your partner encroaching (intruding on a person’s territory, or a thing considered to be a right) over and over?   Advances like that will gradually cause irreparable damage. This isn’t hypothesis. This is proven fact.

If in our world wars it was acceptable to cross the line of demarcation, ultimately, our military leaders would have recognized and had to accept defeat.

There is a LIMIT to what is acceptable to an individual human’s rights.  What transpires ultimately AFTER the line is crossed many times terrifying.

A young woman was recently killed by her boyfriend; though it was a tragic death that was not intended, but an accident with a tragic outcome, there were signs to be noted.

She was 22 and a successful student at the University of Virginia. He was a lacrosse player.  You may be familiar with the story.

For the loss, there can be no recovery, in this lifetime.  Sadly, there were signs of abuse.  No matter what ANYONE tells you, you will register a “gut level” feeling when things go wrong, over and over, and you innately know, when it’s time to call the game.

The number one indicator is when a person’s social life begins to change.  When there is no witness to the abuse, it is hearsay. It is much easier to abuse when it’s “their word against yours.”  But you know!

Watch these signs as well.  (The use of alcohol in violent cases of abuse has been well documented.)

1. You are spending much less time with family and friends.

2.  The relationship has WILD ups and downs.

3.  You are afraid to miss a phone call from “that” person.

4.  The person you are with continually insults you.  For instance, you order dinner from the person’s favorite restaurant, but instead of thanking you for your thoughtfulness, you are criticized and insulted for your selections.

5.  You are afraid.  Think about it.

6.  You have thought:  “I hate him (or her).”  “I hate my life.”

“I wish we weren’t together.”

THESE ARE JUST A FEW SIGNS that should kick you in the ass!

Don’t be a fool.   Change your life or you may become a statistic!

What does this have to do with stress management?  EVERYTHING, and you know it…picture your life, as you dreamed it… not perfect, but at least peaceful, relatively happy, and SAFE.

BE SAFE.  Do something before escalation to devastation.

WELL, DON’T.  You don’t really know what’s next.  You need not fear or dread what’s to come.  Take charge of your response to life, whatever happens.

Pain / Stress / Forgiveness = closely related feelings.  Both physical and mental pain are intrinsic, contained wholly within the human intellect and spiritual nature.  You all have more within you, powers yet untapped or realized.

Humans gifts often go to the grave with people not using their gifts or even recognizing them simply because the world has told them they aren’t up to the job.  You are up to it! You have to FIND, and DRAW, from that power within; the untapped reservoir of all the characteristics and strength you dreamed you would have.   Perhaps someone told you that you would fail or that you had no hope to accomplish anything in this lifetime. They were wrong and you know it innately.

Dealing with words wrongly spoken is a huge stress to handle.  So if it’s happened to you, just draw in a slow breath, wait a few seconds, and exhale fully through the mouth.

(In case you don’t know how to breathe for YOUR benefit, here it is – short and sweet – and life enhancing any time you choose to use it!)

“ Deep Breathing is the simplest and most important form of stress reduction. Most people breathe only from their upper diaphragm. This is not the way we were intended to breathe. We are particularly prone to breathe incorrectly when stressed, by taking quick and shallow breaths. The exaggerated form of this is hyperventilating, which some people do when experiencing an anxiety or panic attack. The proper way to breathe is to inhale deeply from the abdomen. You should be able to feel your lungs fill up with air as you inhale. If you do not breathe from the solar plexus, you are not getting enough oxygen. You may think that it looks better to hold your stomach in but you are losing out on vital oxygenation of the body. Deep breathing is a very quick way to release tension, particularly noticeable in the neck, shoulders and head (headache).

Stand any place and inhale deeply so that you feel the air expand in the lower part of your abdomen and your stomach extend out. Hold the breath as long as it is comfortable and then exhale slowly…”

Rachael Collins

02 April 2009

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Pain is a unique experience.  Pain can put a halt to any activity your may want to do.  It can stop you from every dream in your life.  If you can’t play, walk, move, sleep soundly, or think and concentrate, you are being robbed of your life.  It’s time to change things around!

Pain that you “think you can’t make go away” can, overcome you, and can change the way you feel about yourself and others.  It can destroy relationships and lives.  The secret to managing your pain is first to unleash all the anger you have for so many things. You have suffered enough.  You have been mad at others and circumstances long enough! Don’t dwell on the past ONE MORE MOMENT!

As you inhale think:  I am empowered

As you exhale think:  I forgive others and myself

As you inhale think:  I am wonderful and can make things better

As you exhale think:  No more negativity.  No more useless anger

As long as you are alive you have the capacity to change.  “Why should I change?”, you may ask.  If you are able to manage your stress, happy, love your life and yourself, no need to change.  Otherwise, think about it.

A person’s description of pain — where it is, when it starts, what helps to relieve it — are key to understanding pain. Only the person with pain knows exactly what it is like, whether mental or physical.

That is exactly why ONLY YOU can figure out where you go from here.  Let go of the need to control and stress will drift from you like the wave retreating into the fold of the ocean.

Make sure you get a good night’s sleep.  Set the stage and when you first are laying down, breath again, with thoughts than enhance you, and enfold you into a sweet slumber. When you are well-rested, you have more energy to get well, to enjoy life, and to do the things that are important to you

Get started now.  Breathe.  Let go of anger and sorrow.  Forgive others errors.  Forgive yourself.  These are major steps towards learning to manage your stress and live a more wonderful and peaceful life.

Seek other help for stress if need be, once you get started with these simple exercises of intellect.  Try yoga.  Walk with a friend.  Sign up for classes or other online help.  CREATE YOUR LIFE!

When your life is spilling out of control on the highway to stress hell, keep these important “management words” in mind, and refer to them as a secret empowerment to aid you.

Truth does not waiver:  When you speak you are prophesizing what happens next!

Words come to life.  If you are negative there is a ninety-nine percent chance that you will get negativity back and have a less than perfect settlement of the “challenge” you face.

I am angry

I don’t know how I will get through this

I can’t forget the past

I won’t ever get out of this mess

These are self-fulfilling prophecies.  As sure as these words come out of your mouth, they have been engaged in the cycle of coming to life – in your life!

“The relation that exists between the mind and body is very intimate. When one is affected, the other sympathizes. The condition of the mind affects the health to a far greater degree than many realize. Many of the diseases from which men suffer are the result of mental depression. Grief, anxiety, discontent, remorse, guilt, distrust, all tend to break down the life forces and to invite decay and death….

Courage, hope, faith, sympathy, and love, promote health and prolong life. A contented mind, a cheerful spirit, is health to the body and strength to the soul.”

Ellen G. White

1827-1915

These words were written many, many years ago, but they are the absolute truth, and truth NEVER waivers.

If you practice these three simple techniques, you will find your life will actually improve in many ways.  Stress management is up to you though – no matter how you “say” you want to change, YOU are the only one that can instigate change….and you are the only one who can practice, therein creating new brain cell impressions and new feelings about a stressful scenario.

1.  The number one management technique is using your oxygen in a crisis situation.  Take a few breaths to get the oxygen you need.  It will also give you a few moments to think about your coming response.

2.  Drop the negative words and EVEN IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT works such miracle changes, incorporate positive words.  If you are thinking “impossible” – don’t!  Think instead, “I can do this.”  Words CAN empower you.

3.  Speak slowly and calmly.  Never let anyone or any challenge turn you into a nasty, mouthy, and dull witted person!  Don’t let anything change your life like that without your permission!

4.  Never forget (particularly with women) – WORDS can pierce a person’s heart with the same intensity and pain that a sharp sword would deliver.  Most physical pain is healed with time, but ill spoken and cruel words can pierce a person’s heart over and over again, and sometimes, stay with a person for his or her life.

(If you are faced with challenge after challenge in the stress arena, it may be time to seek outside help such as counseling, classes,  various forms of yoga, meditation classes, CD relaxation tapes, or perhaps a church group.  You have one mind and you don’t want to loose it to stress!)

Are you devastated?  Distraught?  Feeling like you can’t go on anymore?

YES YOU CAN!

It is built into human nature to survive.  The majority of human beings (without alcohol and drugs being involved) are able to recover from almost anything!  If you think not, think again.  Just ask a Marine who has lost his limbs and has to start all over again or perhaps a young woman who finds herself a widow, or a mother who has been physically and/or verbally abused.  These are REAL scenarios.  RECOVERY is possible and will be faster than you think if you begin now.

You are NOT ALONE! The total numbers of U.S. divorces (excluding non-counting states) reported in the year 2000 was a staggering nine hundred and fifty seven thousand, two hundred and twenty for that year alone.  This statistic was ten years ago.  Statistics haven’t gotten better!

This figure didn’t include broken love affairs, broken friendships, or unreported instances of “some kind” of break-up.

Every human on this planet earth has felt emotions of despair at one time or another.  We all suffer LOSS.

You can start today by learning to use your oxygen.  (See yesterday’s post).  This is the first step.

Whether you have stopped loving someone, the love has changed, or you have lost someone to the final chapter of this life, you can recover.

There will be tears, and a flood of other emotions initially.  This is the way human beings are built.  If there is no sadness, and only rage and hatred, you have the opportunity now to begin again too.  (Start with the breathing technique in the last post.) When you feel rage you actually begin to breathe in a shallow manner and you need more oxygen for your brain to calm down!  More oxygen is necessary to think intelligently.

Remember:  What has happened is a done deal.  IF you have had this kind of loss the best thing you can do is move forward.

Acceptance.  Acceptance is primary.  What was then, is now changed.  This is life.  Life is a series of changes.

No one is telling you to not be sad, or feel insecure, or not to have regrets.  These things all seem to be a part of “pre-recovery”.  But don’t spend the next year of your life mourning.

It does not change things.

You can’t go back to “the good old days”.  They are the past.

Your goal now is to move forward, allow yourself a limited amount of time to mourn your loss – and if you were instrumental in making the changes then RECALL what prompted you to do so.  You must have been good reasons. Sometimes our emotions get in the way of our intellect and blur our memory of the “why” of things. Remember what prompted your actions.

This is not a post to sound cold and harsh.  It is a reality check.

The reality of the loss of any relationship or another human is deeply felt – but there must be a limit.  You will go forward.

Diversion is great therapy.  Join a stress management group; take yoga, or seek friendships through church or work.

“Busy hands are happy hands” makes sense.  If you stay busy you won’t have so much time to dwell on the past.  Volunteer; get together with family or old friends.

Lastly – quit dissecting what happened.  Men are much better at dropping a subject than women.  When it’s done for men it’s usually done.  Women like to go over and over it again, and truthfully, that is not a healthy way to recover.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Life goes on and it can move oftentimes to many more wonderful times in the future; times you never imagined.   It’s up to you now.  Take a breath and start your life over.  Be rid of the negativity and start with a positive thought:  “I am healing!”

Changes are what you can expect for the rest of your life.  Life is a series of changes.  Change is not always good, though often it is anticipated.  Sometimes it’s dreaded, but you will find unexpected benefits in the long run if you can just hold on

Change is certainly not always predictable.  There will be physical changes as the years increase, changes at work, changes at school and home, and most likely, changes in relationships.  This is life.

Change can be exhilarating and sometimes frightening.  Any change will have a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.  To those who are fearful to begin with, change is threatening because it means that things “may” get worse.

To those who are positive and hopeful, change is encouraging because things may get better.  For those individuals who are confident, change often inspires because of the challenges that exist to make things better.

In order to manage the stress of change,  whether good or bad, use these quick tips to begin to learn to flow with what is happening:

1.  Always remember when a change is imminent to use your oxygen first.  When we are bombarded with stress our oxygen is your first defense to keep your wits about you.  Remember stress causes us to breathe shallow, therein restricting the needed supply of oxygen to think optimally and respond instead of reacting.

2.  Stay healthy.  Even if you eat moderately nutritiously and exercise only moderately – you can – with a busy schedule, stay healthier than if you simply neglect these things.  Good health makes it easier to manage stress because you aren’t fighting stress and poor health!

3.  Learn to accept the fact you CANNOT CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE.  That is not realistic.  If you are able to stay flexible and use a fine mix of intellect melding with emotion, you will find ANY scenario more manageable.

4.  Do reserve time for you to THINK.  You may need time to re-evaluate the situation, or simply time meditate or pray about it.  Time to focus on your own plan of action.  Time to find the right attitude and courage.  These things can be found from within if you just take a few minutes each day to reconcile your mind and heart with what is happening in your life.  It takes practice to make these CHANGES, but the time is worth it in every moment of your life, from this time forward.

5.  Pay attention to positive thoughts and feedback from those who obviously have climbed the mountains before you.

“Things do not change: we change.”

Henry David Thoreau

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“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Marcus Arelius Antoninus

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“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Serenity Prayer

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Death is never easy, whether your relative or friend dies at a hospital, or home, or in your arms.  No matter how prepared you think you are for the event, temporarily you may hit the bottom of the barrel.  It is a shock.  No one ever thinks death will hit home so closely.

The reality of life is that all humans are bound to die at some point.  That is simply part of life.  It doesn’t make it easier to accept when it happens.

What you can do is this.  Pull yourself together by allowing yourself to have moments to breathe and cry. It’s absolutely okay to have personal periods of mourning and learning to accept the loss.

Contact family and friends for support.  You will be amazed at how everyone will pull together to help you, if they can.

If no one lives near you, or you are absolutely alone, try to find human contact however you can.  Very few people will simply extricate themselves for any length of time from others, though a few people really will choose to mourn privately.  It is a choice.

What has happened is the starkest moment of realization that you are alive. No one knows why one person dies and another remains a living soul.  You now realize, more than ever, life is fragile and there is no guarantee of time allotted to do the things you are working towards.

From the prospective of stress management, remember it will take time to adjust to the fact that this human relationship has ended forever.  Do not be too hard on yourself for any dissension you had prior to the death of this individual.  It happens.  It has no merit now to torture yourself for mistakes you may have made in the relationship with the departed.

Unresolved scenarios are the most difficult to handle, but handle it you will – you have no choice except to do so.  Forgive yourself and find peace where you can.

Initially there will be a brief blitz when people arrive to offer their consolation.  There will be a flurry of activities, food, flowers and hugs.  There will probably be a service and prayers offered.

However the final good-by is handled, whether there is a cremation or burial, remember to use your mindful breathing to calm yourself and help you find a tender mix of intelligent choices with your emotions

Everyone responds differently.  You will find unexpected people popping in to offer sympathy.  Others you may have assumed would be there simply may not opt to, or be able to be there for the events

Try to have great understanding in this are as they have the right to handle “death” in whatever manner they are able. There is no hard and fast rulebook on reactions that may manifest.

Be respectful and supportive of the individual’s decisions in this matter.  Remember too, with the economic trials many people face, it simply may not be possible for family or friends to drop everything, get off work, or travel to be by your side.

Remember the great moments.  Revel in the time spent together with the deceased.  There are stages of grief and you will experience every one of them during the healing process.

For now, take a breath; use your oxygen to empower yourself. You are alive and able to make changes right now!  Don’t punish yourself for the fact you are still here – be grateful you have the opportunity to go forth in a positive and powerful way.  Make your life worthwhile by living it moment-by-moment to the best of your ability and attending to what is really important.

Take a breath.  Say a prayer.  Hug someone.  Tell someone you love him or her.    Spend time with those people in your circle of life and move forth to heal.  Celebrate life. There is no other GOOD choice.