This post is for all children who are turning thirteen this year (or those who have just turned thirteen).  It is tough beginning your teenage years.  You are not quite a kid, and not quite an adult!  There are demands made on you from school, parents, and even your friends.

Pick your friends carefully as you often will be judged by the company you keep (for instance if they were troublemakers); friends can also influence you and weaken your own ideas IF YOU LET THEM!  Stick to what you know to be right in your mind and heart.  Now here are some rules that will help you if you think about it!

1.   Wait to get ” seriously involved” – this is the beginning of your life – your choices now will AFFECT THE REST of your life.  Don’t be pressured by anyone.

2.   Pick your battles with your parents.  Ninety-nine percent  of the time they are doing what they feel is the best for you.  Besides, ultimately, they are in charge.  Remember it’s difficult for them to let you spread your wings in decision-making.  They will, in time, be patient and make good decisions when it comes to YOU voicing your opinions.  Make it an intelligent conversation; not an argument.

3.   You are entering a period of chronic low-level insanity.  The “other” sex and freedom seem to be a priority, but you have your entire life to have both. Don’t be rushed. The person you like now may seem just right, but as you mature, your taste will probably change – about ninety-eight percent of “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationships in the teen years changes!

4.   The coolest people I know as adults were those who had many trials as a teenager, and met the challenges with a good mix of emotions and intellect.  The most successful are those who NEVER drank or did drugs of ANY KIND.

5. What may seem like the biggest thing in your life right now may not seem to be so to your parents.  They have their own multiple worries. Try to step in their shoes once in a while.  Parenting is an overwhelming challenge.

6. If something is illegal, there is probably a good reason.

7.  You’re not stuck. It will end. But it’s going to take a long, long time, so be a part of the fun, not the problems.

8.  Pick up your own messes and even help someone else sometimes.  It will pay off in the long run.  When you grow up no one can say, “Boy, he sure lives like a pig”, and you will enjoy your home.

9.  When you feel you haven’t done anything wrong, but you are blamed, remember the truth will always win in the long run – and you may not be the target – the “arrow” may have just hit you.

10.  Even zits have zits. This too shall pass.

11.  Your parents don’t hate you. Your parents love you more than you can even understand now.

12.  Don’t kiss someone if they have a cold sore! – Herpes is contagious and is forever.  There is NO cure.

13. Treat people with respect and don’t forget to say THANK YOU.  In life giving a bit of honest appreciation goes a long way and what you give will come back to you.

It doesn’t matter how “warm and fuzzy” you feel towards your children, when they reach pre-teen and teenage years, you will begin to feel the stress mount.

These are the times you children will begin to spread their wings and hone their skills for adulthood.  These are the times they will begin to voice strong opinions and do seemingly arrogant acts of defiance.

Remember these things come with the territory and are natural.  Many times what “appears” to be open resistance to your rules are just a natural spurt of independence, perhaps not performed as optimally you would hope for, but nonetheless, this will happen.

First in the line of defense (for your own intellect and calmness in the situation) – use your secret weapon. Begin breathing deeply and slowly and exhaling in the same manner.  This will calm you and help your brain to get the oxygen for a better response.  Being reminded of our gift of breathing is not a bad thing.  The more you are reminded, and use the gift, the more effectively you will handle the myriad of scenarios that will come.

Parents can make a huge difference in providing guidance and support for their teens.  At times it may not seem like your teen wants you around, and he or she may not all the time, but your child really does need you and knows you care.

Try to spend positive times together.  It’s impossible to love your teen too much.  Try to stay close and warm.  Remember to say, “I love you”.

Of course you have to set limits and structure.  You have to be clear in communication and let the teen know what you expect.  Rules and expectations should change throughout your child’s life, but all children need boundaries, discipline and love – and in that order.

One of the most important things is to be consistent.  Be consistent with your partner, and be consistent if you are alone.  Mixed messages can lead to frustration for parents and children.  The children need consistency to help them to learn to structure their lives.

Try to stay involved in your teen’s life.  Ask questions about school, schoolwork, and friends.  Attend your teen’s extracurricular activities.  Whether they say so or not, they NEED to know you are just as interested in them now as when they were younger.  Meet families of those teens that spend a large portion with your teens.

Explain yourself with discussion – not with yelling and abusive language.  Discuss the reasons for your rules and what consequences they may face for not following them.  Respect your teen and the teen will respect you.

TRY WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT not to use HARSH discipline.  Harsh discipline includes yelling, slapping, hitting, and belittling.  If the situation is volatile, take a “break” and each of you pull yourself together and calm down for a while.  Words cut like a knife and you don’t want to regret your years down the road.  Besides, impulsive or reactive behavior just instigates a negative response from your teen and nothing will get accomplished.

Pick your arguments.  There will be many opportunities to disagree, but unless the scenario is life-threatening or really may be a danger to your child, remember they do need to do a certain amount of decision making that is positive and empowering to them.

Your teen is changing.  Physically, emotionally and cognitively, your teen is preparing for life as an adult in a difficult and trying world.  Be patient.  In the long run you will be glad you did.

Keep in mind, these youngsters are experiencing the most stress thus far in their young lives.  Try to be empathetic and remember how difficult it was!

If you need to get help, look for resources locally, and on line.

If you do these things your life and the life of your teen will be one hundred percent better!  Be on the teen’s side from an adult view, not another stumbling block in the path of their maturing.  Remember how much you loved them before this age and still do!

Take a breath and remember:” This too shall pass”.