HELP, I HAVE TEENAGERS!
Are they difficult and unreasonable, or just normal?
The first stress management tip for YOU is to SLOW DOWN a moment, and take a breath or two. Remember you were a teenager once and you and your parents probably (we hope) survived all the challenges!
It’s not easy being a parent to a teenager, but if you can recall – it’s not easy being a teenager either. To say that living with a teen is a mix of soap operas, frantic moments, and last minute projects, is just skimming the surface of all that is involved.
Did you know that there are really scientific explanations for the emotional outbursts and sitcom scenarios? New studies have found that the frontal lobe, the brain region responsible for impulse control and good judgment, is the last part of the brain to mature.
Until the individual is about twenty-five what is active within the brain is the more primitive amygdala, which governs instinct and emotion that tends to rule behavior and decision-making. This is a tough reality, and means there is long time between the “urge to take a risk” stage, and the “ability to resist” stage. If you’ve ever looked at your teen and thought, “What were they thinking?” they were probably thinking exactly as the maturing of the brain of the teenage normally progresses. They are vulnerable to errors associated with the normal brain functioning.
Teen’s brain doesn’t mature as quickly as the bodies do. You may look at your son or daughter and see the appearance of what seems to resemble an adult, but there is still a little boy or girl upstairs who is directing all the action! With that fact kept in mind, the next time you look at your child, remember you are dealing with a child who only has the appearance of an adult.
There is also a difference between intelligence and brain maturity, so even a very bright student can do stupid things, especially in social situations. When emotions come into play, teens can-and will-make poor decisions. It happens to the best of “mature” adults.
You may think what you say has no influence over children, but studies show this to be untrue. Although you may want to run out the door screaming occasionally, experts say it is critical that parents maintain a strong presence during adolescent years, and serve rather as a temporary frontal lobe for teens.
Sometimes (keep this in mind as it is important) you may think your teen is purposely tuning you out or not following your instructions. What happens more often than not is poor communication between you and your teen – simply a misinterpretation about what was said.
New research suggests that teens have trouble reading and understanding emotions in other people, and responding appropriately. Remember that primitive amygdala is currently in the driver’s seat. Encourage your teens to repeat what you’ve said so you know they haven’t misunderstood you.
Let the teens know about this research mentioned earlier, and acknowledge you know they are doing the best they can. Tell them to just slow down and consider the consequences before making important decisions. You are giving them the opportunity to think twice, and nurturing a partnership during this difficult time.
Remember they are working hard in school, have the appearance of a young adult, but are just now coming into a WORLD of new experiences. Their emotions and sexuality are immerging. Their body is changing, and their fear of failure and insecurity about body image and appearance are a mixed up bag that would be difficult for ANY young person to handle without a few challenges. Pick your battles. If the subject matter is life-threatening, then stick with it; otherwise, be choosy and allow your teen to make some decisions.
Remember you love them and you are their mentors and guides to this whole new world. With all that can be intimidating for teens to learn, and the instability of our civilization and world right now, be a rock for your teen. Be real. Talk to them. Keep the communication line open.
It would be REALLY aiming towards stress management with them, if you could share a class in breathing, or pursue some stress management techniques to help them with their demands in life - and school – and help you, too, along the way.
There will be defining moments for your child’s entire life during the teen years. He or she will often be at a crossroads and need guidance only you can give them. Though it seems less than a desirable job at times, pat yourself on the back as you are molding a human being for their entire life on this planet. The job is very important! Don’t give up: “This too shall pass”. Now do a bit of mindful breathing. Stand up and stretch, and begin your moments of life again.